


Just In Time

by Zirijava



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Oblivious Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:43:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 47,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6513160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zirijava/pseuds/Zirijava
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As if t wasn't bad enough as it was but now Harry also had to be nice to the slimy git. Harry Potter 8th year. Slash. Drarry. Angst. Bond fic kind of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Best Summer Ever

**Summary:** As if t wasn't bad enough as it was but now Harry also had to be nice to the slimy git.

Harry Potter 8th year. Slash. Drarry. Angst. Bondfic (kind of...)

 **All characters belong to** me.

(Kidding *sigh* I wish) Everything belongs to JK Rowling

This story is a nonprofit Fanfiction, from someone who loves to write, to everyone who wants to read.

* * *

**Chapter 1, The Best Summer Ever**

It had been a warm summer, the warmest so far. I went straight from Hogwarts to the Burrow with Ginny and Ron. Hermione was currently away in Australia to find her parents and we haven't heard from her since she left. She needed to be alone and we could understand that, well _I_ could understand that. Ron had always been surrounded by family and friends, he's always had them, Fred was the first one that he had lost.

The thing was that I could really relate to Hermione, I mean she had her parents, her family, and they were alive but they didn't even know she existed anymore and she didn't know where they were or how they were doing. I couldn't help but thinking about Sirius when I thought about it. I mean, he knew I existed, he knew I was out there somewhere and in danger while I had no idea he even existed. And when I found out that he did, I thought he wanted to murder me, I thought he was a _madman_.

Something started prickling behind my eyes but I tried rubbing it away. How awful it must have been for him, knowing he had a Godson that he was supposed to protect and having me, the Godson, hate him. Maybe I didn't really _hate_ him but that's not the point. What if I knew about him earlier then I could've found him and we could've been a family. And then I remembered Azkaban and knew that there was nothing I could've done. If I knew about him earlier I _would_ have hated him because I thought he betrayed my family. His best friends.

I suppose everything happend just as it was meant to, not too early and not too late. Just in time.

The summer was filled with funerals, I had attended all of them. Remus and Tonks. Lavender. Colin Creevey. Snape. _Fred_. I even went to Crabbe's, thinking it would be the first time I'd see Malfoy cry. He didn't. He just sat there as if in a comotose state, just staring down at his own hands while Mrs. Malfoy held one of them.

Mr. Malfoy was nowhere to be seen.

It wouldn't have been the first time I'd see him cry. Malfoy, I mean. I remembered two years ago, in seventh year how I walked in on him in the bathroom and he was crying, muttering to himself. It was a schock to me to see the proud Malfoy _cry_.

Not that it was anything wrong with that, it just took me by surprise is all. Now I'm just glad I'll never have to see the pointy face of that git again. I'm through with him, there's no more Hogwarts for me and now that I know where he lives I can avoid Wiltshire. Malfoy would probably just involve himself with dark magic and potions, so the chance of me running into him would be so tiny I would say it's almost nonexistent.

"Harry, dear, are you alright?" I looked up, I was sitting on the sofa in the living room, Molly was standing in front of me with a motherly smile on her face. She looked a bit worried though I think she tried to hide that behind the warmth of her smile.

I nodded. "Yeah, just daydreaming", I said. "Sorry".

"Nothing to apologise for, dear. Are you hungry? I'll make dinner soon", Molly said and I smiled at her.

"Brilliant", I said.

Everything had gone fairly normal this summer. Well actually, it went as a summer was supposed to, no threat from a Dark Lord trying to murder you, no relatives keeping you locked inside a room, no running around in woods scared to be found. This summer everything was just fantastic, no threat from anything or anyone. This time I could really get things started with Ginny without fearing that our relationship would put her in danger.

If she wants to, that is. We haven't actually talked that much, the two of us. _Just_ the two of us.

It felt strange not knowing what I should do when summer was over. Ginny was going back to Hogwarts for her seventh year, I know Ron was talking about helping George in the joke shop. George was doing better than we thought he would, at least that's what he acts like. You know, occasionally at meals when someone says something he's either waiting for Fred to start saying something snarky or waiting for Fred to finish his own comments.

George's sentences remains incomplete. They will always be incomplete.

Well my thoughts suddenly turned on a rather unpleasant end. I have to think about something positive now, like Ginny. Actually I don't want to think about Ginny, I don't want to think about anything.

It was now the end of July, just a couple of days until my birthday and I pretended like I didn't know that. And that I wasn't aware of the plans Molly had for my "big day". I was turning 18 and i know it should feel like a big deal but birthday's have never been such a big deal for me. I guess that's how it is being an orphan during a war. I've had people trying to make me feel better and try to make my birthday as special as possible.

My birthday just reminds me of everything I've lost. It reminds me of all the people who won't have a birthday again, all those who won't grow older. And it then reminds me of Teddy, who will have birthdays but he won't have his fmaily to celebrate them with. Like I used to.

Well that's not entirely true. _I_ am his family now. I'm his _Godfather_.

I guess that's what I'm going to do now, take care of him. Yeah, now that I don't have anything better to do, and frankly I'd love to take care of Teddy. Me and Andromeda, Tonks mother, share the custody of him. Teddy is with her at the moment but they had planned on coming here for my birthday.

* * *

I was walking outside the Burrow, the sun was shining high on the sky. I looked around. The flowers were in bloom, all over the place, the lake seemed closer than it had yesterday and it lured me to it.

It was a warm day, sweat ran down my forehead. When I stood by the edge of the lake I pulled my navy shirt over my head, unbuckled my belt and stepped out of my jeans. My glasses were folded carefully and placed on top of my shirt.

I left my pants on.

The water felt warm and welcoming as I took a first step into it and I think I might have moaned in pleasure. It was a long time since I bathed just because of the joy of it.

I took another step into the lake and felt the water flow up my legs in waves and I took another step and another step until I was up to my waist in water.

Then I dived in. I let the warmth of the water envelope me as I swam. I saw something on the bottom that gleamed and squinted my eyes as if begging them to focus on it. Just as I was about to give up I saw it again and out of curiosity I dived down to look at it.

It was beautiful, it looked like a red gemstone, a ruby, as it glinted at the bottom of the lake and I took a few determined strokes towards it. It was so beautiful, maybe I could take it and give it as a present to Ginny. Have it fixed as a pendant or maybe a bracelet or earrings.

I reached out my arm to grab it just as I felt something wrap around my wrist. It must have been seaweed but as I looked down at my wrist my eyes doubled in size.

It wasn't seaweed. It was a _hand_.

The hand dragged me down, my eyes seeked out the ruby again only to see that a black line had ruined the former unblemished gemstone.

It took me a second too long to remember the eyes. _His_ eyes. They were staring at me and his wicked smile raised every single hair that I had all over my body. He pulled me down towards the mud and the seaweed but his face came up closer to mine as if he wanted me to get a good look at him. Up close.

And then his voice echoed in my mind and just my mind because he didn't move his lips. It was unavoidable and useless even to try and push him out of my head.

I could see the smile in his eyes as he stared at me, his voice still echoing in my mind.

_"The boy who lived has come to die."_

* * *

"Coming?" Ron asked me, he was standing in the doorway in his pajamas just looking at me with his tired eyes. He was all rumpled, as if he had a very good nights sleep, he looked well rested but still a bit tired. How I wish I could have a good nights sleep, just for one night. I haven't since the war. I haven't since _before_ the war.

It was a couple of hours since I woke up from tonights nightmare, Ron hadn't woken up or even noticed but I didn't dare try to sleep again. I was lying in my bed, deep in thought. Or low in thought, more like it.

"I'll be down in a sec", I replied and he nodded before heading down the stairs. I waited a couple of minutes before I followed him down. This morning I felt tired, probably because of the long night of Quidditch we endured last night, I couldn't let it be because of the nightmare.

It had been fun yesterday, though. It's been a while since the lot of us –Ron, Ginny, George, Bill, Angelina, Lee, Charlie and me– did something without thinking about the past. About the war. About Fred.

We played four in each team. Ron, George, Bill and Angelina against Lee, Charlie, Ginny and me. Guess who won.

It sure wasn't my team. I wasn't really that good since we played without seeker's and Lee kept forgetting to catch the ball as he was to interested in commentating on what everyone else did.

This made it even funnier though, and it was nice to feel like we could all have fun and not feel the pressure that we have to win.

The absence of Hermione was radiating from everywhere and everyone as we went in for the night. I know Ron kept looking over his shoulder as if expecting Hermione to run towards us with a book in her hands and tell us how foolish we were playing at _this hour_.

I couldn't blame Ron, George was doing the same thing.

When I stepped into the dining room most of us were already seated. Bill was leaving after breakfast, he was just visiting over the weekend. Angelina and Lee planned on staying a couple of more days just to make sure George wasn't feeling lonely. Percy and Charlie were staying at the Burrow through the summer as was planned.

I think it's safe to say that Molly and Athur –espescially Molly– wanted their children nearby for a time while coping with Fred's death.

"Good morning dear", Molly smiled at me warmly and I returned it sleepily. I sat down next to Ron who was picking his food with his fork.

We ate mostly in silence. George, Angelina and Lee was all sleeping in this morning. Molly, Percy and Arthur said something occasionally but nothing out of the ordinary happend. That's before the owl arrived.

Ginny's letter from Hogwarts came and Molly sent her smiling face a disapproving look.

And then came a second owl.

Two letters fell in both mine and Ron's plates. There was no missing where these letters came from. _Hogwarts_.

I stared down at the letter that clearly announced that it was to Mr. H. Potter. My head was going in overdrive. Why was I getting a letter from Hogwarts?

I turned my head to look at Ron as if he held the answers in his hands. That's what happens when Hermione isn't around, if she was, both me and Ron would turn to her for the answers.

Ron shrugged. "Probably just our grades", he said but I knew from the look in his eyes that it was more than that, and that he wasn't 100 % believing in that statement.

None of us made to pick up the letters.

"Do go on", Arthur said from his seat. As I turned to look at him with my eyebrows furrowed I realised that everyone around the table was looking at me and Ron. They were probably just as confused and curious as to what the letter says as the rest of us.

"It's probably McGonagall offering you to come back to Hogwarts as the DADA professor, Harry", Bill said and the other occupants by the table nodded in agreement.

"But then why did Ron get one? It's not like McGonagall'd want him to come back to teach _children_ ", Ginny said and Ron pulled a face at her.

"I'm sure there's something she'd want with Ronnie, here", Molly said. Ron smiled at his mother and the rest of us turned to her to continue. She didn't, instead she furrowed her brows in thought.

"Thanks a lot, mom", Ron said and went back to staring at the letter.

"Don't be such a poof, Ron. Just open it, it's not like it's a Howler or anything", Bill said and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

Ron glared at his brother before he snatched the letter that still laid atop his plate. "I know _that_ ", he said. The look of utter fright that crossed his face when he held the letter up in front of himself made me chuckle. It was as if he expected a spider to jump out of it. Or maybe a hundred.

I picked up my own letter and ripped it open. Ron stared at me.

There was two pieces of parchment inside and I pulled them out and unfolded the first one.

Then I stared at it.

"Harry", came Ron's voice from my side. "What does it _say_?"

I kept staring down at the letter, swallowed and then started quoting it. "Dear Mr. Potter. We are pleased to inform you that you've been accepted to return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for your eighth year", I said and I could feel how all the air left the room. The letter was signed by the Deputy Headmistress Pomona Sprout.

"You _what_!?" Ginny sounded scandalised but I couldn't drag my eyes away from the inked words. _You've been accepted to return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for your eighth year._

 _Return_.

My head was empty, it was like something made sure no thoughts would enter or leave. Maybe my head was too full to begin with.

I'd go back.

She asked me to go back _there_ , to _Hogwarts_. It used to be my home, don't get me wrong, but so much has changed. McGonagall can't possibly presume that I'd go back there. Or Ron for that matter. Our friends and family _died_ there just a couple of months ago.

"No", I said as softly as I could but a bit strained as if the word didn't want to escape my lips. "She can't expect that of us. We need time."

"But Harry, dear. Think about your _future_ ", Molly's voice of reason came as expected. In my head it sounded more like Hermione.

My head turned to look at Molly so fast I swear I could've broken it. "No", I said and shook my head. "I've been their Chosen One, I've gone to _every_ funeral they asked me to attend and more. None of _them_ are going to have a _future_! It won't be _home_ anymore. The last time I saw Hogwarts it was _ruined_ and I don't want to go back there and see the blood on the cleaned walls. I don't want to hear the screams in my head. I've lost people there."

Ron rose from his chair and I turned my head from Molly to him. " _You've_ lost someone", Ron's voice was strained and angry. His face was a dark shade of red. "What about _Fred_ , eh? What about him? He was _our_ brother, not yours. You didn't lose _anyone_!"

I stared at him for a couple of seconds in schock and disbelief before I clutched the letter in my hand, hard, and rose as well.

"Excuse me", I said and left to go outside. I didn't care that I was still in my pajamas, all I cared about was that I was left alone.

I had had a terrible night, followed by a terrible morning.

Ron doesn't understand how it felt having Voldemort in your head all the time. Literally. He doesn't know how it felt to not have a family and then to have one just to have them being ripped away from you, one by one.

Ron doesn't understand that I thought at every single funeral I attended that I should have died instead of them. They all had families and friends that would miss them, they were seperated from their families while –if I had died– I'd be joining mine.

Ron doesn't understand how it feels seeing George everyday, or smiling at Molly and Arthur knowing that if it wasn't for me, Fred would still be alive.

None of them understand that. I just thought, maybe a part of me had _prayed_ that at least McGonagall would have. Maybe she's just like Dumbledore, seeing me as nothing but a pawn and not a boy. Maybe the only reason I'm going back to Hogwarts is to have the younger students look up to me for guidance, look up to the _bloody hero_ of the Wizarding World.

I unfolded the second piece of parchment, it was just stating the different equipments and books needed for the new year.

What was I supposed to do? I know I should go back inside and discuss this with Ron, and I wish Hermione was here, too. She'd know what to do.

She always did.

**(A/N) So this was the first of many chapters to come. I hope you all enjoyed it, please leave a review I read all, if you have any special requests feel free to share, who knows I might surprise you.**

**/: Zirijava xx**


	2. Hermione's Letter

**Chapter 2, Hermione's Letter**

I sat still on the hill outside the Burrow. I don't know how long I've sat there but I know I should've gone in already. There was no chance Ron would come out here to me after what happend in there, he's too stubborn for that.

And, I guess, so am I.

A part of me had expected Ginny to come out at least and talk to me about it but she never came. I still don't know where I stand with her. Do I want to get back together with her? I think so. That doesn't mean we should, though, but going back to Hogwarts would sure make it easier to try, at least.

The sun was up, preparing the day for the warmth it'd offer. My pajamas wasn't enough to keep me warm, though, and neither was the sun. It was too chilly and I was still hungry.

I walked back inside.

What I had expected as I walked back into the dining room was the arguing voices talking either about Hogwarts or about me. I hadn't, however, anticipated the sight of Ron looking like a deer, caught in headlights, clutching the letter while the other occupants of the room stared at him in disbelief.

"Hey, mate, I'm", I began but was interrupted by the the way Ron's head turned so vastly and abruptly to look at me. His eyes so big it looked almost like he was haunted.

Then he looked down at the letter and I furrowed my brows.

"What is it Ron?" I asked. Obviously something was wrong, the red headed boy bit down on his lower lip and searched the letter almost manically.

I walked to him to read his letter above his shoulder and I noticed that it wasn't the acceptance letter from Hogwarts, which I had thought it was.

It was from _Hermione_.

_Dear Ron and Harry,_

_I just got the letter from McGonagall. We're going back to Hogwarts for our eighth year, that has never been done before. I suppose we are a special case but I think it's a good idea. We get the chance to finish our studies, that's at least some good news._

_Things are unfortunately not going that well for me here, I'm staying a bit longer than I had first intended, but I'll be seeing you back at Hogwarts at the beginning of term. I think I'd have made it till then._

_Love, Hermione_

_PS. Keep the owl safe for me until me meet at Hogwarts, it isn't safe for her to be seen here._

I stared at it a couple of minutes too long, read it again and again as if I was missing something. I stared at Hermione's writing with arched brows. She was going back, she had decided to go back. Of course she had! If there was something Hermione would do, trust her to go back to finish her studies.

That meant that Ron would go back, too. Just to see Hermione and to hear about how she's been during the summer and about her parents. If she's had any luck in finding them. At the moment it didn't seem like it, judging by her letter.

It was unfortunate that it wasn't safe to contact her, but it was also understandable. Her parents were muggles which meant that Hermione most definitely would keep to the muggle parts of Australia. I don't think it would be that common to see owls flying around Australia in the summers. In daytime.

"Where's the owl?" was the first question I asked, it may not have been the obvious one but it was the only one I dared to ask.

"Bill took her to the others", Arthur told me. I nodded to him. Ron looked as if he might pass out.

"It's settled then", Ron said and finally turned his head to look at me again. "We're going back. To Hogwarts."

I wanted to argue with him, I really did, but the words couldn't seem to escape my lips. I stood next to him, frozen, and the words came out a couple of minutes too late.

"No", I said, still facing where Ron had been at least five minutes ago, though he wasn't standing there now. No one was.

"No", I repeated and stubbornly shook my head. As I turned around I noticed that the others had all already left the room, leaving me alone to my shock. I don't even remember where they went or why. How long had I stood there?

I picked up Hermione's letter that was lying on the table in front of Ron's spot. I read the letter again but there was no other way of seeing it than what stood in words of ink, staring up at me.

If Hermione was returning, then so was Ron and if I wanted to see Hermione again before Christmas then I had to go back, too.

* * *

I hadn't spoken to Ron that much during the day, he was still in quite a state of shock upon reading Hermione's letter. It's been a long time since we last saw her, I can't even remember when she left. I just remember that it was during a night, Ron, me and her were all staying in Ron's room. We had planned to stay there together for the whole summer and leave the other world outside of the Burrow alone.

Then one morning we woke up and it was just me and Ron in the room. Alone. All of Hermione's things were gone apart from one neatly folded piece of parchment. She had left during the night and all she left us with was some inked words on a parchment telling us she was going to find her parents.

It reminded me of last year, when I almost took off if it wasn't for Ron telling me to stay. That's what friends do, isn't it? Going with you even though you may not want them to but because they know you need them to. I needed them last year and they were there for me. They helped me look for the horcruxes even though it wasn't their task to do so, but when the tables turn Hermione leaves without even saying goodbye.

A letter doesn't count.

She must've known we'd try to talk her out of it, I mean of course we would! She's our best friend, we'd be fools not to. She didn't even give us the chance to discuss it, we could have done it together. We could've gone to Australia and been together searching for her parents.

Instead she's there all alone and only God knows where she is and how she's doing.

We could have been her morale support but she didn't even let us get the chance to be. I think that kills Ron, that she didn't even talk to us or even drop a hint about what she was going to do before it was done and she had left.

Ron went crazy the whole day when she was gone, and he got better slowly and I know that he was trying to look at it through her perspective even though neither of us understood it.

We never talked about it either, everytime someone brings up Hermione Ron goes stiff and then a tension fills the room. Everyone learned not to talk about her but no one forgot her.

I knew it must have killed Ron not to be able to contact her, not even send her a letter. We never knew where she was or if she even were somewhere anymore.

Suddenly Ron didn't only lose Fred, he had lost Hermione, too.

Until Hogwarts, that is.

Ron had finally started acting remotely like his usual self, though he does still look around the corner expecting to see her bushy, brown hair show up and now suddenly she comes back into the picture again.

I think it felt a bit for Ron like a break up when she left. A separation. She didn't trust him enough to tell him or even give him a chance to process the whole thing before she was gone.

"What's up?"

I turned my head to the side. Obviously I was deep in thought again, sitting outside, admiring the view of the hilltops and the lake.

Ginny sat herself down next to me.

"Fine", I told her and turned back to watch the view. I knew she wouldn't believe me.

"Good", she said and I had the sudden urge to snort. "'Cause I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

I looked down at my hands, laying on my thighs and playing with the hem of my shorts.

"What about?" I asked her but didn't turn to look at her, I kept my gaze firmly down.

"Us."

I swallowed, I had known this conversation would come but a part of me had thought it would have been sooner. No part of me wanted to discuss it now, there was too much going on in my mind.

I didn't respond.

"So...", she continued, albeit awkwardly. "I don't think it's a good idea for us to get back together, Harry."

I nodded slowly and stiffly. I could tell she had turned her head to look at me and my reaction, I don't know if she was happy or disappointed by my reaction, or lack of, that is.

"With everything that has been going on I just feel like it would be a smart idea to just be friends. We have been on and off for such a long time now, at least it feels like it", she chuckled to herself. "I just think it would be nice to meet other people, we can still be friends, though, I just don't think we are going to last in the long run."

My eyes were still locked on my hands which were now tracing patterns on my thigh. My lips sealed.

"Harry, are you okay?"

No, Ginny, I'm not. It is possible that I'm going back to the scene of the crime. How do you think it would feel seeing the Forbidden Forest everyday knowing I died there? How do you think it would feel to see all those ghosts of the past, to see all the students, pretending to smile everyday knowing that this is the place where their family died and seeing me and knowing that I didn't do all I could to save them. I'm not a hero, I'm just a boy. That's all I've ever been and I didn't deserve all that weight on my shoulders.

But no one really cared about that, did they? That was just another thing they all expected of me. "Oh look, it's Harry Potter, coming here to save the day!"

"Yeah", I lied again. "I told you I'm fine." And as if to convince her, I turned my head and looked at her with a big smile on my face. She smiled back at me.

"Glad to hear it", she said and the both of us looked in front of us again but didn't say anything more. I felt like there was nothing to say, everything felt so final. And to be honest I don't really know how I'd react if I would have been in a better mood. I know I've been thinking about getting back together with Ginny a lot and starting our future together.

But it takes two to play chess.

She got up but I made no move to make her think I even noticed that. Ginny turned to me, I could see that by my peripheral vision. I think she contemplated saying something but then she just sighed and started walking towards the house.

"Ginny", I said and I could feel her body coming to a halt. "You up for some Quidditch?"

* * *

She was.

This time we played in teams of Ron, Angelina and I against George, Ginny and Charlie. Lee wanted to just watch, and I think it's safe to say that the rest of us agreed. After all, he was a lot better at being the sports commentator than he was at the actual _playing_. And it was evident which one he preferred as well.

The game had been easy. It wasn't like we were playing, not really. It was more relaxed, more playful. The lot of us were just fooling around while Lee made exhalerated comments about the game like when Angelina threw the ball to Ron and he missed it by a longshot Lee had said "That was a close call for Ronald Weasley" and then he went about singing "Weasley is our King".

Molly's screams about dinner was what ended the game and as left the backyard in a good and easy mood. Ron were speaking loudly about Qudditch, but not about any Quidditch at all but about Hogwarts Quidditch.

"Think ablout it, mate! We get to go back to play Quidditch, to put those slimy Slytherin gits right where they belong, beneath us! Remember, soaring up in the sky on a broomstick while the crowd gets crazier and crazier with every goal", Ron said and I saw the dreamy look on his face. It reminded me, quite sadly, of sixth year when Ron tried to convince me that he was in love with Romilda Vane.

I looked at my best mate as he went on and on about Quidditch and how it would be to go back and to play for our House. It's been so long since then. I think that's when I realised. That's when I knew.

"I'm doing it, Ron", I announced and he looked at me with the dreamy look which sobered up quite quickly as he understood what I was saying. "I'm returning to Hogwarts."


	3. Just Another Trainride To Hogwarts

**Chapter 3, Just Another Trainride To Hogwarts**

My birthday came along with loads of cake and my Godson and his grandmother, Andromeda. I pretended to enjoy the attention I got so as not to ruin the festivities and the joyful atmosphere that was in the Burrow. I knew how much trouble Molly had gone through to make my day as perfect as it could be.

I knew Molly had been up all night long making different cakes and preparing all the food as to not ruin the surprise the celebration of my 18th birthday was supposed to be. Molly didn't know that I already knew so I couldn't disappoint her.

Throughout the day I had smiled and eaten all that I was served, I had thanked everyone telling them "you shouldn't have" or "you didn't need to" almost as if it was expected of me, which I guess it was.

All I wanted was to rest. To sit by myself and think but I was also thankful for the distraction. It was nice seeing Teddy again, he was just a couple of months old but it was still nice.

But nothing lasts forever.

In August we went to Diagon Alley to shop for all the necessary equipments and books for Hogwarts while George made it common knowledge how idiotic he thought it was of us since he had dropped out in an act of rebellion. Arthur, Ginny, Ron and I had met up with him on our way home. He said that he had some _things_ to do over att Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

The shop hasn't been opened since before the war. I suppose it all started with it reminding George too much of Fred. Ron had told me that after Fred's death George had insisted upon returning to the shop and open it saying that "the Wizarding World has never needed a good laugh like now" but he couldn't take the final step inside. That's when Ron told me he'd decided to stay to help George.

When we came closer to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes George stood outside and stared at the giant replica of himself or Fred.

We all knew he still hasn't found it in himself to enter.

"If _I_ got the chance to return and _accepted_ ", George said a while later after eyeing our bags stuffed full with books and equipment. "I'd be put in St Mungos!" That made us either laugh or snort but it also made me think about something I hadn't thought about before.

"Maybe Fred will be the new Gryffindor Ghost", I said out loud and immediately wished I'd have kept my mouth shut. George _froze_ , and Ron, Arthur and Ginny lost all the expression on their faces, their eyes was glazed over by something. I didn't want to know by what.

No one said a word on the way back to the Burrow. George and Ginny went straight to their rooms when we were back. I felt a bit guilty to be honest.

Ron and I went into his room to leave our books and equipments for the new year. Slughorn made us all buy a new cauldron for potions, I wasn't sure how I felt about another year of potions. I mean, it was better with Slughorn, I just didn't like how he put the celebrity stamp on me before, how would he treat me now that I was a "hero"?

When Ron and I went down to the living room we were met by a familiar smile.

"Good evening, boys", Kingsley said, next to him stood Arthur with a serious and tight expression. I furrowed my brows.

"Kingsley." Ron's voice was light and easy and so was his smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Ministry business", he said. "I think it would be wise for us to take a seat." We did. The four of us sat down around the dinner table. Kingsley, Arthur, Ron and me.

Kingsley wore his "Minister of Magic" badge on his suit jacket. He looked very professional and I was weirdly happy when I saw that he still had his piercing in his ear.

After the Wizarding War Kingsley was appointed as the new Minister of Magic and I don't know anyone who protested against that decision. Not even the Malfoys.

"We had decided to destroy all the time turners after the defeat of Voldemort. After the Department of Mysteries was emptied of time turners we noticed something was off." Kingsley went on and told us that one was missing. One time turner was gone while the others were destroyed.

"The Ministry fears that it will be used to bring back Voldemort or to change the war to his favor."

"You think one of his followers stole it?" I asked. Kingsley nodded.

"I have a device at my office, it looks like a map of Great Britain, that will show me where it is. But not if it's abroad, as it seems to be now. Former Minister Fudge told me a dot used to light up quite so often -above Hogwarts, may I add- five years ago".

Ron and I shared a knowing look.

Molly asked Kinglsey if he wanted to stay for dinner but he shook his head. He said there was more he had to do and rose from his seat at the table.

"I'll see you at the office tomorrow, Arthur", Kingsley said and then left the Burrow.

Arthur told Ron and me to not say anything to anyone. "Apart from Hermione, of course". Molly ordered us to go up to Ron's room and she'd tell us when dinner was done. She said we surely had some things to discuss.

We obliged. The two of us went up the stairs in silence and when we got inside his room we slumped down on respective bed. I noticed that something was off with Ron so I stared at him. He wore a dreamy look and a bright smile as he looked out of the window, obviously deep in thought. I asked him what he was thinking about and he shrugged.

"I'm going to see my girfriend _and_ brother", he said and looked at me with the brightest eyes and the happiest smile I've ever seen on him and the hopefullness that was evident in his voice was not lost on me.

Not "I _might_ ". He said "I'm _going to_ " as if he was sure, as if it was a certainty and not a possibility. I swallowed the sudden tightness in my throat but the way my posture shrank and my eyes changed emotion seemed to go unnoticed by Ron. There was only one thing he could see in front of himself and that was the Hogwarts Express that would take him to Hogwarts.

The day we were waiting for, when it was time to revisit Platform 9 3/4, came closer and closer until it was upon us. Ron was eager and I felt bad for him, it felt like he was just signing up for a defeat. He's going to hurt worse soon, I could feel it, and it all would feel like a fresh wound. I could bet he hasn't been able to keep neither Hermione or Fred out of his head since I let those words slip. The boy was bursting with anticipation, everyone could see his excitement.

There was nothing I could do to help him, if I told him to be realistic, if I dragged him down to earth he'd hate me. Sometimes it's nice to dream until the lack of them coming true comes along. Then the pain would be evident and unavoidable.

Arthur, Molly, George, Charlie and Percy was waving us good bye. Ginny, Ron and I. Ginny left us as fast as we stepped onto the train to search for her friends. Me and Ron found a compartment only for us. Oddly enough. You'd think that when there suddenly were eighth year students it would be impossible not to share a compartment with loads of other students.

Maybe McGonagall made sure to make the train larger. I wonder if _engorgio_ works on a train? Maybe only on the size.

My hand twitched against my side to feel the hard wood there. I've been doing magic during the summer but to do it in a classroom, with my friends is a wholly different thing. It was all bittersweet, that's what it was. I was afraid, but I hadn't told anyone that. How could I? The Saviour of the whole world. Maybe not the _whole_ world, but a part of it. _Our_ world.

Hogwarts has been so many things for me, it was joy, friendship, _home_ , but then it all went to ashes. If I close my eyes I can sometimes hear his words, his voice speaking to me without emotion. " _The boy who lived come to die_ ". Then I see the green light that hits me and it makes me think about the green light that hit Fred and Remus and Sirius and Tonks and Colin Creevey and more.

I shook myself out of it, it wouldn't make me feel better, this was the case now. This was the reality. It was just Ron and I in a compartment in the Hogwarts Express. Nothing more to it. Not even Hermione.

It felt a bit odd, though, that it was just the two of us, no Hermione or Ginny. A part of me prayed that Neville, Seamus or Dean would pull up the compartment door and enter. When the door _was_ pulled open I found myself smiling, deciding to thank whoever it was for breaking the painful silence.

That was _before_ I turned my head to see who it was. Who _he_ was, with his blond hair, long enough for the fringe to fall in his gray eyes. I felt annoyance start prickling beneath my skin, turning my palms just a tad sweaty and my face red.

"Well, look who it is! Isn't it _wonderful_ Potter?"

Okay, can someone please explain to me why someone would call their nemesis "wonderful"? When I think about it all of Malfoy's insults have been like that. "Wonderful Potter", "The Chosen One", "Saint Potter". I mean _come on_! Would you really, really call someone you hate a "saint"? Someone should really give Malfoy a lesson in how to insult. I, for one, thought it was something that was built-in in all the Slytherins. As if you couldn't be sorted into Slytherin without the ability to insult.

How did I not notice this before?

_Scratch that._

How did _Hermione_ not notice this and _tell me_?

Come to think of it he _did_ tell me I had a nice face... After he had _stamped_ on my nose, though. I felt annoyance start bubbling inside me, directed at the Slytherin boy.

It was Ron who reacted first. "Piss off, Malfoy", he said.

"What, you think you're too good for us, is that it?" Malfoy smirked as if he would get a rise from us. The thought made me snigger.

"If I remember correctly, _you_ were the one that called _me_ 'wonderful' just a second ago". Malfoy's face turned red as he stared at me. I smiled innocently at him, feeling it turning into a grin. Oh, how it felt good to wipe that smirk right off of that slimy git's face.

Goyle pulled at Malfoy's shoulder. "Let's go", he said. Malfoy pulled himself together and looked down his nose at me.

"Whatever, _Potter_ ". He said and spat my name as he always does as if my name tasted bad on his tongue. His face was still completely red, it made me chuckle and he eyed me malevolently before leaving and closing the door behind him.

When I turned my head to look at Ron I noticed he was watching me with an odd look and I asked him about it.

"What'd just happen?" he asked me instead. I shrugged. "Do you think it's weird?"

"What?" Could Ron possibly have thought Malfoy's insults were odd, too?

"That he _always_ comes to our compartment every _bloody_ year?"

I hadn't noticed that and I told Ron so. How oblivious _am_ I? First the insults and now this, what next? Malfoy having a heart?

 _Impossible_!

"It's weird, is what it is." He looked out the window. "I wish 'Mione was here, she'd know."

I smiled. "Of course she would", I said. "She knows _everything_." But not about Malfoy's insults... Or maybe she does, I made a mental note to ask her about that later.

Ron laughed.

I smiled lightly to myself and looked out to watch the water. It was nice to hear him laugh again.

"Do you think she'll be there?" he asked. My smile fell.

Ron turned to look at me, probably because of the lack of a response.

"Harry?"

I smiled at him. "It's Hermione", I said. "If she'd get the chance to see you she'd take it without a second thought". Ron grinned at me and proceeded to look out the window again as I wished I hadn't said it. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Some told me I have good instincts but at this moment I'm begging that they're wrong. Please make Hermione be there just to see Ron again. Just for a bit.

I didn't believe it, but the thought made Ron so happy and I couldn't hurt him, I couldn't take the dream away from him. For now that was all he had, the dream since the past was shadowed by her silent departure.

After a moment of silence I said something about Quidditch, making Ron light up as a Christmas light.

"Think about it", he said. "To fly there on the pitch again wearing the Gryffindor colours. The crowd going crazy as we win the Quidditch Cup."

He was a dreamer, but we all knew that. He really was my best friend and I smiled.

I told him about how the Slytherins would sneer at us as we beat them and how Malfoy would be brooding throughout the Graduation Dinner. Ron laughed.

Oddly enough, I was finding myself looking forward to play quidditch again this year. I couldn't imagine something feeling better than to fly on a broomstick, hunting the Snitch and feeling its wings slam against my hand as I caught it. Better yet when I reach the ground, my teammates making a circle around me, laughing and screaming, and I look up at the opposing team's seeker and smile at him as big as I can and those grey eyes would narrow. That was my favorite part.


	4. The Sorting Ceremony

**Chapter 4, The Sorting Ceremony**

 

Everything was different but still the same. Everything had been cleaned up and repaired but the stains that was could not so easily be rid off. I could still see the blood on the walls as Ron and I walked towards the Great Hall. I could hear the screams from far away but still as if they were screaming right in my ear.

I saw Greyback with Lavender. I saw Remus reaching for Tonks as the green spell hit them. I saw the faces of students. Of children and I saw their innocence, their future and their youth and everything else that was ripped away from them.

I saw how every student gathered by the carriages after we’d arrived at the Hogsmeade station and I knew it was the first time they’d ever seen thestrals. I heard how everyone murmured to each other, talking about them and I noticed the thestral’s shock at the attention they suddenly got.

I saw the families of those who died and how they looked at me. No one was saying it out loud but I already knew and I could understand since no one felt it more than me. The blame. It was my fault, every bloodstain that was on these walls shouldn’t have been there.

”Harry, mate,” Ron said, gripped my arm and shook me slightly. That’s when I noticed I had frozen before a wall that was now beautifully decorated with paintings. As if you can just hide the past with some colours and a nice frame.

”You alright?” he asked me then and I wanted to shake my head.

”No. This was a mistake.” I wanted to say it so bad my tongue formed the words but a part of me didn’t let them out there, as if until that moment they wouldn’t be real. What I was feeling wasn’t real. It was all in my head. I had to keep it that way. Keep it in, no one had to know.

”I’m fine”, I said and shrugged him off. ”Let’s go.” We walked into the Hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table. The others greeted us.

When everyone had taken their places Deputy Headmistress Sprout proceeded to invite the first years inside. The big doors were opened to reveal a rather small group of children, the fewest first years in a long time. I suppose not all parents were comfortable sending their children to Hogwarts anymore. Or maybe there just wasn’t enough children.

As the eleven year olds passed by I couldn’t help but scan every House table to watch those who lost someone and I noticed that the House that lost the least in the war had now the fewest occupants at their table.

I guess that not all the Slytherins wanted to go back. I smiled at that, at least some good information. Either it had to do with their own role in the war or their parents. Too bad Malfoy hadn’t decided to drop out too. Why did I even testify on his families behalf? I mean, if I hadn’t I’d be rid of the git. Now that’s a dream.

”Where is she?” Ron muttered to himself and looked around the Hall, scanning it, looking every other second at the door that had now been closed.

I was right. She wasn’t coming.

I placed a hand on Ron’s shoulder. ”It’s alright, mate, she’s just late is all,” I said and saw hope behind his eyes. He nodded at me.

”Alright,” he said. ”Yeah, you’re probably right”. I knew I wasn’t, Hermione wasn’t here, the reason Ron came back’s not here. But for now, if I can make him feel better and take his mind off things, that’s what I’ll do. I felt sick.

It worried me a bit, though. Hermione missing school doesn’t seem much like her, something was wrong.

Professor Sprout called the first years up one by one and if I was schocked that only a handful of the new ones were sorted into Slytherin, I didn’t show it. I wondered if some did like me, asked not to be put in the house of the serpents. Instead I searched the Slytherin table for those grey eyes, finding him already looking straight at me. We locked eyes and kept them that way for a long time. Green and grey eyes in a duel of sorts. Eyes really were the mirrors to the soul, the way we looked at each other there was no doubt how much we despised one another. I could see all those moments in his eyes, the time we dueled in second year when he sent a snake at me. I saw the time in third year when he bullied Hagrid just because he was my friend. I saw the arrogance of his eleven year old self and a frustration I couldn’t place.

It’s odd how much you can learn about a person just by looking them in the eye, but I think that if you really, _really_ want to know someone you have to find out how or where they’re looking when you’re not. I bet Malfoy just looks the same, glaring daggers at everyone passing him by, muttering the Killing Curse silently to himself and smiling wickedly.

I wonder how many times he’s wished to trap me somewhere so that he could kill me himself, look me in the eye as the green of my eyes matches the green of his spell. I could imagine his smile widen and his eyes gleam as my dead body’ll fall down.

Malfoy just sneered at me and looked away.

I need to stop thinking about dead bodies, that’s what happens when you go back to the scene of the crime, I guess.

Professor Sprout sorted the last first year who later joined us at our table, blushing when he met my gaze. Most of the first years were sorted into Gryffindor.

”Wanna be in the same House as the hero, I reckon”, Seamus grinned at me and I rolled my eyes. I knew that was the most plausible reason for it but mostly I was trying not to think about it. I knew they’d see me as the ”hero” before they even met me.

A silence fell over the Hall as the students were waiting impatiently and eagerly for the Headmistress to rise and announce the beginning of the first meal of the new school-year. That didn’t happen as the Deputy Headmistress was still standing next to the three legged chair holding the Sorting Hat.

What was happening?

”We got a surprise for you”, Professor Sprout began and the entire Hall tensed. This was _not_ good. Not at all. ”As you all know we made a change for this year. We let those who missed a lot of classes last year get the chance to return this year for their Eighth year. We had decided that because of last years events we’d offer you something special this year. Something fun.” Sprout sounded **too** excited for this to be good.

I looked around the Hall to search the other student’s expressions. Everyone seemed to be just as clueless as I was. And that was never a good thing.

”First I want to ask all the Eighth years to the front”, Professor Sprout continued. ”Stand in front of me”.

At first no one rose, we all just looked around at each other as if asking what was up.

”Rise”, the Headmistress said sternly and all the Eighth years suddenly rose. After all this time I knew better than to cross Professor McGonagall.

We went to stand at the front, if it wouldn’t have been for the stage, all the professors were sitting at, we’d be taller than Professor Sprout.

”We decided that because of the war last year no one has been in a greater need of a _friend_ than now”, Sprout began, waving behind her as if to explain who ”we” were. As if we didn’t already know. ”We like to call this new invention ’ _Tend_ _Friend_ ’ because we’d like to see the lot of you tending to your new friends.” She smiled too brightly in my opinion. As if it wasn’t bad enough as it was.

”When I call your name you’ll come up here, sit on this chair and I’ll place the Sorting Hat on your head. The Hat will tell you who you’re new friend is going to be.”

That didn’t seem too bad, at least. If I was lucky I’d get Ron, Dean or Seamus or maybe Neville, since we’re already friends.

”You’re new friend will be from another House than yourself. We took this as a chance to better the inter-House relations.” Of course you did. ”And when you get the name it’s as binding as you are to your House. You cannot harm this person without suffering the consequences of your actions. The tricky thing, though, is that the friend you get doesn’t have to get you. The main point with this is for you to get to know someone you’d never get to know on your own. Any questions?”

A Ravenclaw girl raised her hand. ”What do you lose if you don’t do it?” Ah, the Ravenclays and their fear of losing Housepoints.

”A good friend”, McGonagall responded.

”Eveyone understand now, then? Wonderful!” Professor Sprout began calling us up one by one, the difference this time was that no one could hear what the Sorting Hat said but the person wearing it.

I crossed my fingers I’d get someone good. Zacharias Smith was eyeing me a bit and nodded in greeting, as did most of the eight years. As long as I didn’t get a Slytherin I was happy. Someone cool. Why couldn’t Luna be in my year?

Professor Sprout had started asking us up to her by the order of our last names. Susan Bones was the first one up and then all I had to do was wait.

”Potter, Harry”, Professor Sprout yelled and I heard some of the first year’s sharp inhales but brushed it aside. It was like bloody first year all over again, but I wasn’t in the mood to feel nostalgic.

I went up to stand next to Sprout as she told me to take a seat.

I closed my eyes, praying that I was going to get someone good, someone _tolerable_. And then I felt guilty for thinking that. The Hat must have at least some standard when it came to pairing me with a new friend. Then again, it almost put me in Slytherin so maybe I should worry.

The Hat was placed on the top of my head.

”Good evening, Mr Potter”, the Hat said. ”I see, I see. Well, all of us have scars from the war but that’s why it’s called war. It leaves us all _raw_. Not all of us keeps it on the inside though”, it continued. I just wanted to get this over with. ”Patient much?” If a hat could chuckle then that would explain the weird sound in my head.

I cleared my throat. ”So who’s my new _friend_?” I thought, knowing the Hat would be able to hear it. I waited for a couple of seconds.

”Draco Malfoy”, the Hat announced and I wished I’d have died in the war.

”No”, I thought. ”Someone else, there has to be someone else, someone better. Give me anyone but _him_!”

”Not this time, young man. If you would’ve listened to me from the beginning then you would’ve been happy by now. But there’s still time.” The Hat replied cryptically and I furrowed my brows.

Sprout removed the Hat and signaled for me to rise. I wanted to argue with her, I wanted to pull the Hat to me and demand answers.

I went to sit at the Gryffindor table. It was going to be a very long night. Almost unconsciously my eyes rose to find my new ”friend” and the sight caught me off guard. Malfoy was _smiling_ to himself, his head resting on his hand, eyes looking down at the table. His smile was almost innocent and it made me uncomfortable. Malfoy wasn’t _innocent_. I bet he doesn’t have a single innocent bone in his whole body. Not that I’d know of course but you know he’s i! He’s the slimy git who makes it his life’s purpose to make my life harder than it already is.

And now I have to pretend nothing’s ever happend. Now I have to be nice to the git.

I blinked and noticed that Malfoy was just sneering. _Merlin_ , now I’m starting imagining things, too!

”Got someone good?” Ron asked as he sat down next to me. He had just gotten his ”friend” a couple of seconds before.

I shrugged and averted my gaze from the blonde boy. ”You?”

Ron snorted. ”Don’t even know who she is”, he admitted.

”Nothing? Didn’t the Hat tell you something?” I asked. Ron looked at me with knitted brows. ”Like, why it put you with them”, I explained.

” _Her_ ”, he corrected. ”It’s a girl”. I know he was thinking about Hermione again and Lavender, too, I suppose since we all know how Hermione enjoyed seeing the pair of them so much.

Before I could respond McGonagall rose up from her seat and after having announced the new professor –Misty Trimble as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts– she gave us what we had yearned for for the last couple of hours. _Food_.

At least one thing was for certain as I sat there and ate more than I thought I could. The food was as delicious as I remembered it and it made me glad. But then it made me think about Dobby and I sighed and called in for the night. Ron stayed with the others.

While I was walking on my way to the Gryffindor Tower I heard steps from behind me making me speed up.

”’Arry”, the voice said and I spun around, coming face to face with Hagrid. ”Yeh ran off so fast I didn’ get the chance ter say hullo.” I hugged him.

”Sorry”, I said.

”I understand”, he responded. ”If there’s one person who has demon’s in this place then it’s yeh”. I let go off him and took a step back, not saying anything. ”I can see yeh need yer rest, ’Arry. Yeh, Ron an’ ’Mione, of course, are always welcome to me cottage”.

”Brilliant”, I said. If there was one person who did nothing but make sure I felt like I belonged here it was Hagrid. I wanted to thank him for everything he’s done, for bringning me into this world, for always treating me like I was just Harry, a boy and not the hero. For carrying me out of the Forbidden Forest.

I turned on my heel and left before either of us could say ”good night”.


	5. Pretend Friend

**Chapter 5, Pretend Friend**

I shivered. I was lying on the cold stone floor. I couldn't sleep. I heard snores from upstairs, thankfully everyone else seemed to be fast asleep.

I checked someone's wristwatch. One more minute to go. Thirty seconds. I felt a sudden urge to do something wicked and loud just to wake him up. The blonde boy on the sofa.

Ten – nine – eight – I stayed put on the floor as a cold wind made me shiver. Three – two – one –

BOOM. I sat up, staring at the door. The whole shack had shook by the force of something. It had sounded like a lightning had struck somewhere just outside.

It wasn't the lightning, my instincts told me. Something was out there, on the other side of the door and from the sound of knocking it seemed to want to come in.

They knocked again and the shack shook once again. One more forceful knock, sounding like an angry sky and the door was laying flat on the floor. A giant man with hair and a beard as tousled and shaggy it'd be painful to brush it, for the person doing the brushing.

The giant took a couple of steps inside the shack and smiled at me. "Happy Birthday", he said. He handed me a box and I took it without question.

I started opening the box eagerly, ripping away the tape and lace. It was my first birthday present. Just a couple of minutes ago I had turned eleven, you see.

As I proceeded to open the box another cold wind blew in as another lightning was heard from afar and I looked up from the box unconsciously. I wasn't in the shack anymore. I stood in the middle of a forest, the giant man seemed to be chained down in front of me. His face was painted dark by dried blood and dust.

I looked down at the box again and opened it.

"Haaaarrrrryyy! _NOOOOO_!" the giant man screamed as the green light from within the box enveloped me and for a moment I felt warm and as if I had finally come home.

Then everything went cold.

* * *

The Great Hall was empty, apart from me and a handful of other students, mostly older Slytherins. Don't want to eat breakfast with the rest of us normal mortals, is that it? Maybe we had something in common then. No one in Gryffindor had been awake when I woke up this morning. I knew I couldn't go back to sleep.

Every night since the war I've had them, sometimes I don't remember them but most of the time I do. I always wake up in the middle of the night, or very early in the morning, with a sweaty forehead and an uneven breath. I never went back to sleep after a nightmare. I didn't even try to. I was too scared to have them again, whatever the dream showed.

I've tried to stay up all night, too. To ignore the urge to fall asleep, to ignore my heavy lids. Trust me, I've tried and I was impossibly stubborn, too. I had even succeeded in staying awake for more than a full day but sometime after lunch the next day I had drifted off. After that time Molly was on me that I was never to ever, _ever_ , neglect sleep, ever again.

I didn't, but I wish I could.

The Slytherin's left and a couple of minutes later and I found out why. Students from the other Houses came stroding inside the Hall for breakfast. I guess the older Slytherins kept track of when it was safe for them to eat or not. Cowards.

Luna walked towards me.

"Hullo Harry", she said with a dreamy look. Luna was always looking dreamy with a soft smile on her face. She was in her Ravenclaw robes with an odd looking necklace, tight to her neck. It looked like cutted carrot on a string. "It's to attract the bumdrums," she said as if to explain her weird accessoire and then skipped of to her House table.

Don't even ask.

I know a lot found it strange that I and Luna were friends, I thought she was pretty cool but most of the school didn't agree. Luna didn't cared though, it made me feel more proud to call her my friend.

 _Strange_ , I thought. Somehow it made me think of Malfoy. He was my "Tend Friend" now. I scowled. Brilliant, just brilliant. As if the new school year couldn't be any worse.

It's ironic, though, how in first year Malfoy asked me to be his friend and I denied him, and here I sit seven years later and I have to be nice to the git.

"Early riser, are yeh", Seamus said as he came towards me with Dean and Ron.

"Where's Neville?" I asked, not seeing the boy with them.

"He had a tough night so we promised we'd wake him up in time for the first class", Dean Thomas announced as he sat down. "So what do you think about last nights announcement?"

No one asked what he was talking about. We all knew.

"Tend friend", Ron said. "More like _pretend friend_ , if you ask me." Seamus snickered.

"Who did you get anyway? Anyone good?" Dean asked.

"Dunno her", Ron mumbled and averted his gaze to scan the Great Hall as if searching for his _Pretend Friend_.

"Mine's okay, I guess. Could have been loads worse", Dean said.

"Oh, yeah", Ron agreed and started filling his plate with _everything_ he could get his hands on. "Imagine the poor bloke who gets landed with _Malfoy_ ".

I spluttered.

"Better them than me", Dean agreed. I wish I could have said the same.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Mr. Thomas", came the stern voice from behind me. It was Professor McGonagall. "You'll see it does not do to judge those you don't know or maybe I'll have you learn it the hard way?" She raised one eyebrow in challenge and the lot of us shut up, then she started handing us parchments. "I didn't just come to lecture, in your hands you have your new schedules. Defense Against the Dark Arts in twenty minutes I see, well off you go!"

We rose quickly and exited the Hall.

McGonagall was right, our first lesson was DADA which we had with the Ravenclaws. We sprinted to our dormitories to grab the necessary equipment before heading for the classroom.

The Ravenclaws were already there, the punctual smartasses.

Professor Trimble gave us a stern look as if we were late. Which we probably were. She wore her blonde hair in a tight bun on the top of her head, her robes an iridescent green.

"I am Professor Misty Trimble", she began, her accent American. "Some of you may have heard about my work at the American border, which later gave me the 'Witch of the Year' award as well as the necessary requirements for my research on defensive potions".

A Ravenclaw boy rose his hand high and Professor Trimble smiled at him. "Yes?"

"Is it true you're the daughter of _the_ Quentin Trimble? The author of ' _Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection_ '?" The smile melted away from the Professor's face and she turned to the back of the classroom to write something on the black board.

"Open up your books and read the first five chapters. I expect a five foot essay on my desk on Thursday. Any question's and I'll be in my office." And just like that she was gone. Me and Ron looked at each other and then Seamus and Dean joined in, pulling faces.

"Wonder what's got her knickers in a twist", Seamus said as we left the classroom and went back to Gryffindor Tower. We had decided we could read later, it was still Monday so we had plenty of time.

"Suppose it's something with her dad?" Dean offered and the four of us furrowed our brows.

"I bet she's just a bit touchy, is all", Ron said. "Hey! What do we have next?"

Dean picked up his schedule, he was smart enough to put it in his pockets while the rest of us left them at the dorm.

Dean groaned. "Potions", he said. "With the _Slytherins_!"

"No bloody way!" Ron said and shook his head as if everything would go over then but I just sighed. "Harry, you can do something about it". I eyed him sceptically.

"Yeah", I said. "Like what?"

"You're the Hero of the Wizarding World, surely Slughorn'd listen if you complained!" Seamus and Dean turned to me with new eyes, nodding to themselves in agreement.

"It's worth a shot", Seamus said. I sighed.

"Wait a second..." Dean said and started looking around as if searching for something. "I think we forgot something", he said.

"Like what?" Seamus chuckled.

"Like _Neville_ ". We all shared a look before we ran the rest of the way to the Gryffindor common room.

"Where did you disappear to?" Neville's voice was tired and hurt -which was rather poorly concealed- when we entered the dormitory. Neville's hair was messy which was evidently from sleep and he rubbed at his eyes. He was fully dressed in his robes but he was still in a half sleep state, sitting on his bed.

Ron scrathed the back of his neck as if trying to find an excuse. Dean beat him to it, though.

"Sorry Nev, we tried waking you up but you were sleeping so deep we decided you probably needed it", he lied but it was so believable that understanding and perhaps even gratefulness lit Neville's face. It made me feel a little bad for him. Both that we had forgotten him _and_ that we lied to him about it.

"Come on, we have potions soon", I said and patted Neville lightly on his shoulder.

"With the _Slytherins_ ", Ron complained.

And off we went to the dungeons.

Professor Slughorn smiled brightly as we walked inside the classroom. "Oh if it isn't Mr. Potter!", he announced gleefully. "I'm glad you're back. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful!" Seamus snorted.

The five of us found an empty table in the back and sat down. The classroom was separated, to the left were the Slytherins and to the right were the Gryffindors.

"Today I thought we could brew some potions from your sixth year, to higher your spirits for this years, of course", Slughorn began. "Let's begin with the Hiccoughing Solution shall we? Now, who can tell me what the Hiccoughing Solution does?"

The raised hand everyone waited for wasn't even present and it filled the room with an empty feeling. Especially for me and Ron. Especially for Ron.

"No one?" Slughorn asked disappointed. "The Hiccoughing Solution causes hiccoughs and is often used for pranks but is also used by healers, though the reason for that I'm not going to go into much detail today. This potion that you'll be brewing today, individually, isn't going to be strong and will only last a couple of seconds. With that said, turn to page 275 and begin!"

We stayed on separate sides the entire lesson. Us and the snakes. I spared a glance at Malfoy a couple of times, he was hunched over his potion with an odd expression on his face and it frustrated me that I couldn't place it.

"How's it going, mate?" Ron asked and I looked away from the Slytherins to focus on my couldron. It was boiling. It wasn't supposed to be boiling!

"Shit!" I took hold of the spoon and started stirring not caring whether the instructions told me to or not. The boiling subsided and I breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully no one noticed.

"Looks like the Hero has trouble", a Slytherin said and tsked. At least we took for granted that it was a Slytherin.

"What did you say?" Ron asked and turned to them.

All eight of the Slytherins turned to us.

"What's your problem?" A snake said.

"Sharing a class with Death Eaters", someone said from our side. "You all belong in Azkaban".

And that's how the first fight of the term began, or would've begun.

Millicent Bulstrode walked towards us, pulling up her shirtsleeves but before she could reach us Professor Slughorn had stunned her.

Slughorn turned to the Slytherins. "I expected better behavior from my own House! Twenty points from Slytherin for starting a fight." No one said anything about it being unfair since a Gryffindor provoked them, we all smiled due to the fact that Slytherins lost points in potions, a subject they never lost points in when Snape was the professor.

It served them right.

When it was time for Slughorn to inspect our results he merely patted me on my shoulder telling me "I know you can better than this, just nerves from the long trip, of course, nothing to worry about" and then he went on to the next student.

"You saw their faces?" Ron said gleefully, imitating the Slytherins when Slughorn took away their points, as we exited the classroom.

Seamus pulled us aside towards the wall. When we eyed him quizzically he just wiggled his eyebrows and when Dean opened his mouth as if to protest Seamus hushed him.

A couple of seconds after all Gryffindors had passed us the Slytherins came out.

I started worrying about Seamus' plans.

"Hullo Zabini", Seamus said which earned a lot of looks as well as sharp inhales. Or in Ron's case; a mouth open i shock. Zabini, Malfoy and Parkinson all rose an eyebrow at us.

Zabini shouldered Malfoy who scowled at him and sneered at me. A complete Mystery is what he is. That Malfoy.

They walked past us without any other acknowledgement of our presence.

"Pretend Friend", Dean said softly and nodded to himself.

"I had to try a little theory", Seamus explained. "He didn't insult me or anything, or even glare daggers at me. I s'ppose I'm his Pretend Friend, too". It's safe to say I was impressed.

Dean and Neville decided to follow Seamus example and find their Pretend Friends and the rest of us agreed to accompany them. Well perhaps not all of us.

Ron tugged at my shirtsleeve, not wanting me to go.

"Let's search for Fred", Ron said, I sighed and nodded.

"Sure".


	6. Trials

**Chapter 6, Trials**

"So your Pretend Friend is _Zacharias Smith_?" Ron asked as if jealous. Which he probably was but just because we actually _knew_ who Dean's Pretend Friend was, as for Ron's we had no clue. Yet.

"Yup", Dean answered proudly. Seamus rolled his eyes.

"So, 'ave you found your Tend Friends yet?" Neville asked, using the "correct" term. The rest of us called them "Pretend Friend".

Oh, _if_ I have... So far I'm kind of nice to the git, I mean it's hard to insult someone when you don't even talk to them. And **if** I'd talk to him, Merlin knows I can't insult him in fear of the consequences. How was I supposed to check if I was his...?

I sat up in my chair with a smile. This was going to be _brilliant_!

"Not yet", Ron said looking glum. I knew he wasn't just talking about his Pretend Friend anymore.

"We can search for her now, if you want", I offered, trying to cheer him up. We had a lunch break and plenty of time.

"Sure", Ron said and finished his plate. He knew I wasn't just talking about the Pretend Friend, either. Though neither of us said his brother's name.

While at our trip to Diagon Alley this summer to buy our equipments and books I had accidentally ignited hope into Ron that Fred could be the new Gryffindor Ghost, or just another ghost in Hogwarts for that matter. After I had said it neither one of us could let it go, me because I wished I could take the words back, and Ron because he wanted it to be true.

We left the Great Hall a couple of minutes later.

"Which house is she in?" I asked Ron, he hadn't given me any information whatsoever.

"Who?" he asked, he had probably been lost in thought.

"Your pretend Friend, of course."

"I dunno who she is", Ron said, as if I'd have the time to forget it. I rolled my eyes.

"Let's ask someone then, we need to find out what the girl looks like", I said and Ron nodded in agreement.

We went in search for a " _Maxine O'Flirty_ **"** , at least according to Ron because after a while of –unsuccesfully– asking portraits and random students who laughed at us we ran into Dean Thomas and Zacharias Smith. Zacharias chuckled when we asked if he knew the name and then correcting us.

"Her name is Maxine O' _Flaherty_ ", he said with a smirk. "And she's usually by the kitchens, why?". We didn't answer his question just thanked him and went off to the kitchen.

By the kitchen we realized we failed to ask him what the girl looked like... Brilliant, because there were not one but six Hufflepuff girls standing there!

I pulled at Ron's shirtsleeve to make him move towards them with me. He looked slightly terrified and it reminded me of Fourth year when we were supposed to ask girls to be our date to the Yule Ball. The memory made me smile a bit as I remembered Ron asking his oldest brother's wife. Though she was just Fleur Delacour then and not Fleur Weasley.

"I'm sorry", I began, to get the attention of the Hufflepuff girls. "Do any of you know 'Maxine O'Flaherty'?"

"I am she", a ponytailed brunette responded with a bright smile. She had a round face and tiny, friendly blue eyes. I looked towards Ron to make sure he introduced himself or something but he stood still as if paralyzed.

"Excuse us for a sec", I said and pulled Ron away a bit. "Ron? What's wrong with you?"

"What?" he asked as if not understanding. I felt the urge to press my hand to my forehead. Hard.

"Just ask her something, Ron!" I almost growled. "And for goodness sake, _introduce_ yourself!"

Ron looked at me oddly. "We don't have anything to talk about", he said. I wanted to roll my eyes because, _of course Ron'd know that, since they've talked so much_.

"Quidditch", I said and he looked at me with a cunfused look. "She playes Quidditch", I explained and that seemed to catch his attention.

Ron nodded. "Okay".

I pulled him back to the girls who were all looking at us with twinkles in their eyes. Probably amusement.

"Um", Ron began, intelligently. "So you play Quidditch? Well, um, so do I?" Please Merlin, let me bury my face in my hands, or smack him. Anything.

"Oh, he plays Quidditch", a blonde girl next to Maxine said. "If your lucky he plays chess, too". And that's the story of how Ron and Maxine became almost inseperable for the uncertain future.

Maxine would come to spend some nights in Gryffindor Tower to play chess with Ron and it was almost scary how alike, and unlike each other they were.

I, however, let Ron be alone with his Pretend Friend, I had a plan to, you know, _plan_. I knew what I had to do, the problem was more that I had to find the right time, because timing is everything. And if everything goes as planned I will, hopefully, find out that I am _not_ his Pretend Friend. Or maybe it'd be better if I were?

I don't know!

* * *

"Maxine told me trials are coming up", Ron said during a breakfast a couple of days later. I eyed him.

"Really?" Dean asked and then turned his face to me. "Harry, when have you planned for us to have ours? The season's coming up, you know?" He said it as if he was uncertain and I shrugged in answer.

"Sometime this week, I guess", I said. "Tomorrow?" Dean sighed.

"Quidditch trials tomorrow at seven", Seamus told Ginny who sat by his right. "Spread the word".

"But we have to check if it's free first!" I said scandalised.

Seamus smirked. "For the Hero it will be."

He was right, too, because when I asked McGonagall later she told me she'd do some arrangements to make it happen.

We had our trials the next day, or rather night. A lot of Gryffindors came by to try out. I just hadn't anticipated us being _watched_.

"Seamus", I hissed and the boy strode over to me while the others were getting out of the locker rooms. "What are _they_ doing here?" I asked pointing at the two boys on the stand.

Seamus followed my finger and smirked. "It's okay, 'Arry", he said. "I told 'em to come and watch", he explained.

" _You_ asked _Zabini_ and _Malfoy_ to watch us _play_?!" Now I was truly scandalised and felt the hope for mankind disappear.

"Well, no. Not exactly. I told Blaise", he responded. _Blaise_! This wasn't happening.

"But", I began but swallowed and tried again. "But, he's a _Slytherin_!"

"Nice catch, 'Arry", Seamus replied with a chuckle and went back to the others. I glared at the two Slytherins watching us. If only looks could kill, or seriously injure.

I had to focus on the task at hand. Focus, yes. Brilliant.

"Okay everyone!" I said, turning back to my fellow Gryffindors. "I want those trying out for Beaters over there, Keepers over there and Chasers over here". They all went to where I pointed, depending on position. Most students wanted to try out as Chasers, six to be exact.

"Our team needs three Chasers, two Beaters and one Keeper, those of you that are not picked will be our stand-ins in case someone else on the position can't play for an upcoming game", I began and as all of them nodded I continued. "Since there's only two who wants to play Keepers you can positon yourselves by one set of rings, each". Ron and another boy, not Cormac this time –thank Merlin– went to opposite sides of the field.

"The rest of you just split yourselves in two teams and ready yourselves. Wait for my signal", I finished and they all went into position, waiting for me to blow the whistle and release the balls.

I'd be lying if I'd tell you I didn't glance a couple of times too many at the stands, but I'll deny it, though.

As I watched the two teams play I felt eyes on me all the time and I tensed myself to make sure I wouldn't glare at the git. I wish I could just go to the stands and tell them off, Merlin only knew which consequences _that_ would have for me. I have to be _nice_ to the git, remember!? Maybe if I...

"Take five!" I announced and waved Ron to me.

"I know, Harry, but it was a close one, I swear it just passed my fingers. I got the next one", he said nervously as if he thought I wanted to tell him off the team.

"No", I said. "Ron, I want you to do me a favour".

Ron eyed me sceptically but nodded. "What?" he asked me then and I smiled.

"I want you to throw a bludger at Malfoy, but I want you to make it look like it was me", I explained. Ron looked at me as if I was mad, perhaps I was, too.

"Are you _bloody_ _mental_?!" he asked uncertainly. "Why'd you want me to do _that_?"

"Please, Ron, just do it", I said. He shrugged.

"Sure, just don't understand why you can't do it yourself", he responded before going off to get the Bludger. This was going to be _fun_.

Ron came back a second later, ball and bat in hand. He told me to face the Slytherins who looked to be deep in conversation as he handed me the bat.

"I'll regret this", Ron muttered before throwing the ball at the boys and then going casually away from the scene of the crime.

I snickered as the Bludger hit the slimy git in the head. Malfoy rose quickly and I could hear him hissing my name, it made me smile.

"Call for me, did you, Malfoy?" I asked and he sneered, looking rather tense. I knew I couldn't tease him more without having it be innocent, not knowing the consequences ill behaviour would have.

Malfoy just sat back down, crossing his arms and looking like a petulant child. That was the moment that I knew.

I turned back to the others and told them to get on with it again, glancing once or twice –denying isn't lying– at the Slytherins who were still watching, one of them was trying to glare. I smiled innocently back and waved. I could tell he hated me for it, but I hated him more.

We continued for another hour when I saw a proud figure standing by the edge of the Quidditch Pitch. I told the Gryffindors to hit the showers and that the team'd be posted shortly as I went to the Headmistress.

"Professor McGonagall", I announced and she rose her head to observe me.

"I heard a rumour about Slughorn stunning a student of his own House, that is a serious accusation but so far none but the Slytherins said it's true", McGonagall said, eyeing me sternly. "Is it?"

I looked at my professor, I remember the time during the war when that Death Eater spat at her. I remember her arguing on my behalf in Fourth year when I became a Champion. I hold so much respect for the woman in front of me and I think it was mutual since she came to ask me and not someone else.

"No", I answered. "It's just a rumour". McGonagall looked at me with dissapointment evident in her eyes.

"You think you know somebody", she began. "After eight years you think you know somebody, it pains me that I was wrong about you, Mr. Potter". The Headmistress turned around and left. I ran after her.

"Professor!" I yelled. "You have to understand, with the war and everything. Their parents were _Death Eaters_ , you surely cannot forget that, can you?" She looked at me sternly again.

"Mr. Potter", she began. "Is it just to blame them for their parents actions and choices? Is it just to punish them for that?" I looked at her speechless. "Your father may have been a great man but he was a bully to Severus, did you like how Severus made you pay for your father's mistakes?"

"Well, no", I said. "But it's beside the point! It's two completely different things!"

"Oh, is it now?"

" _Professor_ ", I said and she stopped to look at me.

"What?" she almost hissed, but I knew it was only imaginary.

"Fred, do you know if he's around. You know, as a ghost, of course", I asked, changing the subject. The Headmistress looked down her nose at me and then left.

I let her leave and instead found Ron waiting for me outside of the locker rooms.

"What was that all about?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Come on", I said and we went together back to the castle. I thought about what McGonagall had said, that it was injust the way we treated the Slytherins but I couldn't agree. They had called Hermione a mudblood. I couldn't forget that and I couldn't forgive it. They had treated us badly for years and now suddenly when they get to taste the bitterness of karma it's somehow **us** that are being harsh and injust.

We walked in silence the rest of the way to the Gryffindor Tower and then to the common room.

As we stepped into the common room something seemed rather off. Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ginny were all standing in front of the sofa.

"What's going on?" I asked but no one seemed to notice. Me and Ron walked to stand behind them to find out what no one was explaining.

"By Merlin's beard!" Ron muttered, his face turning blank as if seeing a ghost. I wore the same expression because in a way we did.

"Hermione", I said. "What have you _done_?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Sorry it took so long to get this posted, I could swear I had already *sigh*.
> 
> See you next week!
> 
> /: Zirijava


	7. Remember Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) This chapter is entirely from Hermione's POV.

**Chapter 7, Remember Me?**

It's been a long time.

Molly was happy to see us as we flooed together from Hogwarts into the Burrow. But she was always happy to see us, though this time I felt like she was faking it. I understood why, all of us did. It didn't matter that we came back because it didn't change the fact that one of her children was left behind. For good.

The house was impossibly and painfully quiet as everyone mourned the losses of the war. Everyone had lost someone. Ron, Percy, Bill and Charlie had lost a brother. Molly and Arthur had lost a son. George had lost his twin _and_ his best friend. Harry had lost himself somewhere along the way, though I'm not certain whether or not he was aware of it. He was born to be the hero, the chosen one and now his part was played. It's almost like he turned into someone else right in front of our eyes, but I guess we all did. A war changes people.

And me? I lost my family. They're somewhere out there, in Australia. Would it be safe for them to come back? I didn't know. They didn't even know who I was anymore.

No one ever asked me how I was doing, everyone was so caught up in their own grief, understandably. I worried about Ron most of the time and I kept telling him that it was okay to cry and that crying wasn't an act of weakness but of strength. He didn't believe me and went on to grieve alone.

As did the rest.

We went to a lot of funerals, or rather, we were supposed to. I didn't, but the others did.

I went to just one. Fred's. After the funeral McGonagall came to speak to me, she asked me how I was doing and that I had been very brave during the war and that neither Ron nor Harry could've survived without me. I always admired Professor McGonagall and so told her all that was essential. I told her how the Weasley's were doing and about Harry. That I worried about Harry. The Professor saw right through me, though.

"How are your parents?" she had asked, catching me off guard. I told her, nonetheless. I told Professor McGonagall about how I had used Obliviate to make my parents forget me, how I erased my own existence for the people that loved me unconditionally and how I later sent them to Australia thinking they would be safer there.

What if I was wrong?

Professor McGonagall told me not to worry and that if I wanted to search for my parents I needed only ask. I told her that the Weasley's needed me. Ron _needed_ me, so I couldn't just leave. I couldn't be that selfish, and so I stayed.

The days were long but the nights were longer as I never forgot MGonagall's proposal and so one night I had had enough.

I got up before everyone else, prepared an owl and a letter and sent it off to Hogwarts before anyone would find out what I was doing. No one did.

It was hours before I had company and by that time my owl was long gone and no one knew.

Later the same night I had gotten my reply from the Professor who sent a portkey, an old pen, and a letter telling me how to activate it and that it was only a one-way ticket to Australia. She wrote that when I wanted to come back to England I had to contact a Rufus Swenson who was the Chief of International Travels in Australia.

I contemplated whether or not I should tell Ron and Harry that I was about to leave. I almost told Ron, though, but I decided it would be better if I just left, maybe it'd take his mind off of Fred, at least for a while. I really cared about Ron but I couldn't hurt him, not like that. He would try to make me stay, as would Harry and Molly. But I had to go, I had to find my parents. They wouldn't understand.

When night came I wrote a letter on a piece of parchment and left it behind as I disappeared using the Floo network –stocking handfuls of Floopowder in my bag for later use– to take me to London, bag already packed.

I promised myself that this wasn't goodbye, because we didn't say goodbye, we didn't do all of that. The hug, the tears, the kiss on the cheek. We didn't say the words and we didn't promise to see each other again. It was better this way. If we had said goodbye it would have seemed final, somehow. As if it really was goodbye. I couldn't let it be.

I had taken a detour to the Ministry of Magic to secure a backup plan and then I left again for the woods. It took me a while to go there from London but I survived.

By the dawn I was already too far gone for anyone to search for me. I walked in the woods and when I came to an open field a long way from London I whispered the activating code for the portkey.

"Remember me", I whispered and closed my eyes, gripping the old pen as hard as I could. When I opened my eyes it was almost sunset and it was so different. But I knew exactly where I was and I had never felt so lost in my entire life.

I was in Sydney.

The first thing that I did was find an agency or someone that could tell me where my parents were. I asked for the name of the hotel I had sent them to, and I asked for their names but no one could find them.

For weeks I was traveling around from coast to coast, city to city, in search for two people that didn't seem to want to be found.

I felt hope envelope me as a familiar owl flew towards me carrying a letter. But after opening it my stomach dropped. It was the acceptance letter from Hogwarts telling me I'm welcome back for my Eighth year. Was it right of me to leave now? I hadn't found my parents yet but it didn't seem to be any hope left.

I dug in my own bag after a piece of parchment and a quill and then scribbled down a letter to Ron and Harry. I couldn't afford to be seen with an owl, I just couldn't. It would be too dangerous in a muggle society.

In the letter I told my best friends that I'd see them again, I ignited hope into them and I suppose that they needed it. They needed to know I was okay and that I was coming back. They needed to believe it, at least Ron did. Though I didn't regret leaving in the first place. He probably hated me for it, but it'll probably be worth it in the end.

More days passed and I started to lose faith and rest. The days were counting down towards the end of summer –or winter as it was in Australia– and in a muggle market was where I saw them for the first time in forever.

My parents.

I was overwhelmed and ran towards them with a big smile on my face and tears of joy streaming down.

"Mom", I said relieved as I enveloped her in a tight hug, smelling the very familiar perfume, making me chuckle. "I never thought I'd see you again."

Mother pushed me away. "I'm certain your mom will be very pleased to meet you, though I am _not_ her", mother said. "I don't have a daughter", she added and it dawned at me. Seeing the look in my parents eyes, as if they were looking at a stranger, was what the boggart should've showed me. I would rather fail _all_ my assignments than to have them wear that look. I guess in Third year that it wasn't even possible.

They didn't remember me.

My knees felt weak and I was so sure I would collapse against the floor. My dad walked closer to mom and me, he eyed me curiously.

"Are you lost, miss?" he asked and I wanted to laugh bitterly, because they were the lost ones, without them even knowing. I smiled at him.

"I just think I need to sit down for a bit", I said. "Maybe have a cup of tea, would you like to join me?" I was nervous, my hands were shaking so I hid them behind my back. I gave my parents the chance to refuse, what if they'd take it?

Dad was just about to say something when mom spoke. "I'm sorry, miss, but we hardly even know you."

I bowed my head in defeat. "Alright", I said. "Maybe some other time." They smiled stiffly at me and for just a second I believed that I wasn't their daughter. That I was just a stranger wasting their time.

Then they left and I pulled myself away so as not to look at my parents retreating figures.

I had found them now, but how was I supposed to make them remember me?

There was only one known cure against a memory charm. _Torture_. I would rather have them not know me than to put them through that. There had to be another way.

I cursed myself for the absence of my owl. I should message McGonagall and ask her what to do. If I couldn't send a letter, what other ways could I contact her? Think, Hemrione _think_! And then it dawned on me. Floo call, of course!

I left in a hurry, trying to find a nearby campfire that wasn't already surrounded by muggles. I had read somewhere, you see, that in order to Floo call you don't necessarily need a fireplace, all you really needed was a fire.

There was a campfire not so far away in the woods. I almost fell down on my knees in front of it, pulling out my wand from my bag and cast _Incendio_ creating a fire. I pulled out a small bag of Floo powder I had saved from when I left the Burrow months ago. I took a handful.

"Headmistress office, Hogwarts", I said, loud and clear, as I threw the powder into the fire. The fire turned green and a couple of seconds later I saw the inside of the Headmistress room.

"Miss Granger?" Professor McGonagall asked and it was so good to hear her voice.

"Yes", I said as McGonagall pulled a chair in front of her fireplace, sat down and looked at me. I suddenly realised the new schoolyear had already begun, and I was late. I was really, really late.

"Have you been succesful?" she asked, and I remembered why I had called in the first place.

"I found them, just a couple of hours ago", I explained. "Though, I'm not sure, Professor, how exactly I'm supposed to make them remember me again. The only known cure for memory charms is to torture them and that's out of the question. There must be another way!"

The Headmistress looked at me, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Yes", she responded. "There is another way". I felt hope bubbling inside me and I laughed heartily, my body felt light.

"Just tell me what to do", I said with a smile. McGonagall eyed me sternly.

"I can't", she said. "You have to solve this on your own." And just like that she was gone.

I pulled my legs to me as tightly as I could and wrapped my arms around them.

What if I couldn't? What if I couldn't solve this one, and they would look at me as if I was a stranger for the rest of my life? The only people that had always loved me and cared for me no matter what.

They taught me to be comfortable being myself, not to care how others saw me and thought of me. They always took my side, telling me I was beautiful even though my classmates in muggleschool told me otherwise. They had hugged me when I cried, smiled proudly at me when I got my Hogwarts letter. Dad had pointed at me, when I was competing at a Spelling Bee when I was eight years old, and said "that's _my_ daughter" when I kept answering correctly. Mom and I used to sit in deep conversations at the breakfast table while dad rolled his eyes, no matter the subject.

I had to make them remember me. I _had_ to. But how? I remembered Gilderoy Lockhart and how Ron and Harry had explained him accidentally erasing his own memory. I remembered when we were at St Mungo's and how he was still oblivious about who he was. If St Mungo's Healers couldn't get Lockhart his memories back, how could I get my parents _their_ memories back? Was I fighting a losing battle? An impossible fight? Was I doomed to fail?

A couple of hours later I fell asleep in front of the campfire with nothing but my unanswered questions.

* * *

 

Something shook me awake but I told myself I was only imagining it. I imagined a hand gripping my shoulder, shaking me, and I remembered her perfume. If I opened my eyes it would all go away, it was just like when I was nine and had had a nightmare. My mom tried to wake me up just like now, but this time it was only a dream. If I would open my eyes the smell of her perfume would be gone, the feel of her hand on my shoulder would disappear and leave me with nothing.

That was before she spoke. "Wake up", she said and as on their own accord my eyelids flew open and I stared up at my mom's blue eyes. "Are you quite alright?" she asked. I could've hugged her then and there, but I didn't.

"Yes, ma'am", I responded and smiled because my mom always hated being called that and so I usually teased her with it.

"Don't you have anywhere to sleep?" my dad asked, standing behind mom. I shook my head. "Oh, dear".

"Tea?" mom asked as if it would make everything better, and perhaps it could.

I nodded. "Alright", I said and stood up with the helping hand of my mom.

We walked together to a nearby cafe, I ordered a cup of green tea and then we sat down in silence by a table. My parents were shocked that I had money for tea but not for a bed, they didn't voice it, though, because I knew what they were thinking.

I asked them about their trip to Australia and explained that I could hear on their accents that they must be tourists. Dad told me all about the scenery and what a beautiful but dangerous country Australia was. How they had been to national parks and beaches and the Opera House in Sydney.

I drank my tea and listened, contemplating how I was supposed to make them look at me like they used to. How I could make dad make his usual jokes about the scenery, telling me all those things he wouldn't tell a stranger and how my mom and I could tease him with conversations that would only make him curious and confused.

When my cup was empty so was mom's chair. She told me she'd just go get the three of us some sandwiches for lunch which meant I had slept for too long.

I looked at dad who was now alone with me and he looked nervous, understandably, and uncomfortable. In his mind he was left alone, not with his daughter, but with a strange girl who called his wife her mom and then was found sleeping outside in the woods.

I started talking about books, asking dad if he had read "the Kite Flier" by Khaled Hosseini. It was my dad's favorite book and he brightened at the question and suddenly we were deep in conversation about his favorite piece of literature. Mom came and eyed me sceptically before smiling at me and I returned it.

At this moment I forgot that I wasn't their daughter for them, that they didn't remember me. It felt so natural. It even felt so natural that I had accidentally called dad "dad" making the couple stiffen and the tension between us felt like it could choke me. The look in their eyes were back and I wanted to cry again. I wasn't sure whether I did or not.

Mom told me it had been nice talking to me but that they needed to leave. Dad stared at me as if paralysed, in his mind no one had ever called him "dad" and meant it the way I had. And I did mean it, I will always mean it because they will always be my parents.

And then they left. Just like that they were gone and I was sitting alone in a cafe with the ghost of parents in mind.

I don't know how long I had sat there, paralysed, staring at the spot where my parents had sat. A girl working in the cafe asked me to leave to make room for other costumers and so I left. I strolled around in the city for hours, it seemed like. I went down to sit by the beach, watching the sunset and it was absolutely beautiful.

When night crept on I walked back into the city, I still didn't have a place to stay the night but I wasn't tired yet, and I had a sleeping bag packed.

I heard a voice come from an alley. I shivered.

It was dark and even though the air was warm I felt cold as I walked towards the alley and the voice. That's when I heard it, the sound of skin and bones clashing together. And then I saw it, a man standing above someone else while kicking him and hitting and screaming at him. It scared me a bit that no one else had noticed. Only me.

Only me.

I knew I had to do something about it since no one else did. I was a Gryffindor after all.

"Hey!" I yelled, taking a couple of small steps towards the assaulting man. He stopped to turn his head and looked at me.

"What did you say?" he asked but I didn't –couldn't– answer. The man took a step back, turning his whole body towards me and repeated his question and adding "bitch" at the end. I took one unsteady step back, afraid I might trip on something and fall onto my back like some do in the movies. I didn't, however.

I stood my ground, keeping my stern eyes on the man to will him away. I contemplated picking up my wand but didn't.

"Let him go", I said calmly and when the man didn't do anything I repeated myself, though louder and more clearly this time. The man in front of me turned his head towards his victim and then shooed him away. The victim rose quickly and ran off, he wasn't probably as hurt as it seemed, or he really, really wanted to leave.

I backed away as silently as I could, I had done my part but I kept my eyes on the man. He suddenly turned to me.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked and started walking towards me quickly and I turned around to flee from the scene. I ran but he was faster and he pushed me down and I fell flat onto the cold ground.

"Wanna leave, is that it?" His mouth was just by my ear and his voice reminded me of Voldemort. I shivered, feeling the urge to cry creep on inside me. But I didn't. If Harry had taught me anything it was to not give up. Maybe I had changed a lot during the war, as well. Probably.

He gripped my shoulders, hard, and pulled me onto my back. And then he started kicking me in my stomach and I don't know if I screamed out of pain or out of surprise. I suppose both.

I tried, unsuccesfully, to hit him back but he gripped my fists as if it was the easiest task, and he pressed them down by my sides. I tried to kick him but I couldn't as he sat down on my thighs.

"Help!" I screamed as loudly as I could, again and again and again. No one could hear me.

A fist collided with my jaw and with my nose and blood painted my skin red. So this was how it all were supposed to end? In a dark alley somewhere in Australia, I didn't even know which city anymore. My parents didn't know me, Ron and Harry probably hated me for leaving them behind. What did I have left? Either I was sweating because of the pain, or I was crying because of the pain. I couldn't tell. As everything was pulsing inside me with pain. I hurt so bad. Maybe karma existed and this was the price I had to pay for taking my parents memories, for leaving Ron, Harry and everyone that ever cared about me. I had never thought of it that way but I had left everyone that ever loved me. Maybe karma was here to make me pay for it, because after all _I_ was the only one I hadn't left behind. It was my turn now.

I closed my eyes as more pain enveloped me. As more tears mixed itself with the blood on my face. As footsteps were coming towards us but I payed them no mind. I heard someone gasp by my side but I couldn't open my eyes, I think my eyelids were covered in dried blood.

Make the pain stop. _Please,_ make the pain stop.

I thought about the scar I had on my arm, the proof of the torture Bellatrix Lestrange had put me through during the war. The word that was engraved on me to forever explain what I was. A _mudblood_.

"Oh, _Jesus_ ", I heard a woman's voice from my side and recognised it though I couldn't place it at the time. It was probably just imaginary.

I heard more footsteps coming towards us and the man who sat on top of me stopped hitting. Maybe this _was_ the end, maybe it had already ended, I didn't know.

It was my turn to leave myself behind.

Voices blurred together as the weight on my thighs disappeared. The last thing I heard before the pain disappeared and darkness took me was my mom screaming my name.

Just my name.


	8. Pause and Play, Dream You May

**(A/N) Didn't think I forgot this fic, did you? ;)**

**Now back to Harry's POV. (/A/N)**

* * *

**Chapter 8, Pause and Play, Dream You May**

As Ron and I stepped into the common room something seemed rather off. Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ginny were all standing in front of the sofa. It was so very quiet.

"What's going on?" I asked but no one paid me no mind. Something weird was going on, I just didn't know what. Me and Ron walked towards the others.

"By Merlin's beard!" I heard Ron mutter, his voice was pale as if he'd seen a ghost, which I suppose he had. In a way.

I looked at her, her bushy hair was shaggy, her face was swollen in places and miscoloured. There was no denying who it was, though. I'd recognise her anywhere.

"Hermione", I said. "What have you _done_?"

She turned her eyes to me, they were red and gleamy. She had been crying. I looked at her clothes and felt something inside me burst. She looked so not like Hermione. She was so different but still the same and I wanted to yell at her for leaving us behind. Tell her how foolish she was for not letting us help her when she clearly needed us.

I patted Dean on his shoulder and he nodded at me. Dean emptied the room for me, Ron and Hermione so that we were alone. Seamus and Ginny were both eager to stay and listen to what Hermione had to say for herself. Dean pushed them out while Neville followed closely behind.

"I found them", she said and I froze. "My parents, I found them".

I waited for a couple of seconds for an explanation, not breaking the eyecontact. She didn't continue.

"And?" I asked, her eyes watered and her bottomlip shivered. "Do they… ?" I knew she'd understand what I meant.

Hermione gasped but nodded. " _Yes_ ", she breathed and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "Yes, they remember me", she continued and sighed heartily. A smile made her face glow as she looked from me to Ron and she continued nodding. "They remember me." The bushy haired girl started laughing. Ron and I just eyed each other. We were smiling too.

"That's great 'Mione", I said and grinned at her. When I once again took in her appearance I swallowed. "What happened over there? Why do you look so…?" I didn't know how to finish my question. But Hermione understood still. She started crying again, but this time it wasn't out of joy.

"You can tell us tomorrow", I said and patted her on her shoulder, maybe not as soothing as I would have liked it to be. I had anticipated her enveloping me in a tight hug but she didn't, she just nodded and rose from the sofa, rubbing her eyes.

Hermione turned to Ron as if contemplating what to do or just wait for him to take the first step. I pushed Ron slightly towards Hermione to make him _do something_.

"Hogwarts s'not been the same without you", Ron said causing Hermione to smile at him. She nodded and then left for her dorm.

I rolled my eyes at Ron.

"What?" he asked me.

"Nothing", I said and we left for our own dormitory where our dormmates were waiting eagerly for our return. I mean: Seamus was.

"So?" he asked. "What'd she say?"

"Goodnight, Seamus", I said and went to my own four-poster bed where I began to prepare for the night. I changed to my pajamas and laid down beneath the covers of my bed.

Hermione was back, but I still had a feeling that this year would be different. Something weird was about to happen, I just didn't know what.

* * *

 

When morning came Seamus, Dean, Neville, Ron and I found our way to the breakfast where I was reminded that Hermione's return had not been a dream. She was sitting by the Gryffindor table with the girls. She looked a lot better than yesterday, as if she had needed a good night's sleep. And a shower.

We bade the girls a good morning as we sat down. The conversations were the same as before, about Quidditch and classes and Pretend Friend.

" _Pretend Friend_?" Hermione had asked and it dawned on me how much she had missed.

Dean, Ron, Neville and I eyed each other while Seamus chuckled.

"Formally it's 'Tend Friend' but we don't call it that. The thing was that at the Sorting Ceremony at the beginning of the year all Eighth Year students were paired up with a student of another House", Dean began, his eyebrows knitted as if focused.

"And now we have to pretend to be nice to them", Ron murmured with a mouth full of sandwich and porridge. The sight made Hermione smile, a year ago she would've pulled a disgusted face at him.

"You're a fairly good pretender then, mate", Seamus teased and winked at Ron whose ears turned red as he glared at the irish boy who just laughed. As did the rest, apart from Hermione who looked quite off.

"I've missed a lot, haven't I?" she sighed, looking down on her own plate and the laughter died down as we all eyed her pensievely.

I bit my lip but nodded. "Yeah", I said. "You have."

The conversations afterwards were quite awkward and stiff as we tried to talk about something that wouldn't make Hermione feel left out but soon we all had to go to our respective classes. Since Hermione wasn't here when we got our schedules she went with me and Ron for our classes until Lunch when she'd go to the Headmistress' Office.

When our first lessons, Charms and Care of Magical Creatures, were done Hermione left the lot of us to go find McGonagall.

"Spill", Seamus said as we sat down for lunch, him, Dean, Neville, Ron, Ginny and I.

"Spill what?" asked Ron. Seamus nodded at the empty seat next to Ginny but Ron's face remained clueless. "What?" he asked again. Seamus sighed.

" _Hermione_ ", the irish boy explained. "Where's she been all these months, eh?" Seamus asked and looked between me and Ron. The rest of our friends turned at us interested as well. "We all know she wasn't on a holiday or such. Espescially when she came back looking like she's been kissed by a dementor."

I sighed. "She hasn't told us yet", I said. It was partly true, at least. She had told us what she left for but not about what had happened during these past months in Australia while she was looking for her parents. Why she came back looking like a mess.

Seamus rolled his eyes. "I don't believe that for a second", he said.

"Just drop it, Seamus", I hissed and started poking at my lunch, no appetite whatsoever. Why was Hermione so secretive about Australia?

"I think Professor McGonagall's idea for the Tend Friend's brilliant, espescially now after the war", Hermione announced as she came towards us and sat herself down. "Did you know that if you just _think_ a positive thing about your Tend Friend, like a compliment, the magic forces you to say it. It's so brilliant". We all pulled a face at her, not agreeing in the slightest. She noticed and looked at us with an inquisitive gaze as if not understanding why we'd disagree.

Ron pushed his plate away and stood up. "I'll see you guys later", he said. Hermione almost stared at him.

"Where are you going? Classes doesn't start until another hour", Hermione said.

"I'm meeting Maxine", he responded and left.

Hermione bent her head towards me. "Who's Maxine?"

"You left", I said and Hermione flung backwards almost as if punched. The guilty look on her face made me want to both smile and pat her on the shoulder reassuringly. I did neither.

"So he's moved on then", Hermione said, looking down at her plate. This time I bent my head towards her.

"I don't think that's possible", I said and Hermione's head shot up with a bright smile on her lips. "Just give him time to trust you again. And frankly Maxine's good for him, they're quite similar in loads of ways", I explained.

"Like what?"

"Maxine loves quidditch and chess, too, and they understand each other."

"She's his Tend Friend, right?" Hermione asked and I could only nod. "Alright", she sighed but nodded.

"I can help you find yours, if you want", I offered but her smile told me she'd decline before she actually did. We ate the rest of our lunch in silence, Seamus and Dean left soon after for the library where they were to meet up with their Pretend Friends. Dean commenting how Seamus was so okay being paired up with a Slytherin.

Luna came by with a Hufflepuff boy to get Neville for some sort of Herbology thing. I've no idea. And soon there was just me and Hermione in mutual silence. There was so many things I wanted to ask her but I could just look at her and see that she wasn't ready to tell.

Finally I sighed and stood up. "Let's walk to Potions, shall we?" That made Hermione almost light up.

"Brilliant", she said and followed me out. During our walk down to the dungeons we sticked to safe topics; school, assignments and professors. Mostly Hermione wanted to know about the new Professor Trimble, since she was the daughter of famous Quentin Trimble. She was a bit disappointed in me for not remembering Quentin Trimble. Apparently we've read a book written by the bloke. "Little chance of that", I told her and she started laughing. Soon enough I joined in and we both were smiling brightly as we entered into the Potions classroom.

Ron eyeed us brightly as the two of us went to stand next to him. Hermione went to stand right next to him and I could see on my best mate that he wasn't overly comfortable with Hermione being back, no matter how long he'd wished for it. The trust was broken and it needed time to be mended, and I knew Hermione would stop at nothing until that was the case.

Slughorn welcomed the class to a new lesson and told us he hoped to not see ill behavior, looking over at the Slytherins at the left side.

I told Hermione about the Potions lesson were Millicent Bulstrode pulled up her shirtsleeves, going towards the Gryffindors and that Professor Slughorn stunned her to avoid a fight.

"You told McGonagall, right?" Hermione looked at me, her eyes suddenly as big as an owls as understanding dawned on her. "You didn't tell her, did you? Harry a professor isn't allowed to use magic as a punishment!" I didn't meet her gaze, I already knew she was right, even though I wanted to argue. That it depended on the situation. And the student.

"I want everyone to pair up, two and two", Slughorn said. Hermione grabbed Ron, Dean paired up with Neville and Seamus waved at Blaise. As I looked around the classroom for anyone without a partner I hoped it was okay to do the potion by myself.

"So, who are you working with, Mr. Malfoy?" Slughorn asked.

I felt myself starting to shake, my body stiff and face turned white. Hermione asked me if I was alright but I couldn't answer. My tongue started shaping a word but I wouldn't let it escape my lips, I forced it inside as hard as I could muster. The magic of Pretend Friend was doing this to me. Ron put his hand on my shoulder, asking me "Are you alright, mate?" and as I opened to tell him that I was, the words I didn't want to let out poured through me. Honestly, I think I might have screamed it, by the looks on everyone's faces, staring at me. I heard Ron mutter "Harry, are you _mental_!?" but I paid it no mind.

"Excuse me, Harry, my boy, but what did you say?" Slughorn asked, confused.

I swallowed. "Me, sir", I said and my gaze went unwillingly to the blonde Slytherin boy who looked at me, at first with big eyes but changed soon to wear a glare and a smirk. Arms crossed, the slimy git.

"I swear to Merlin it's the Hero Complex turning him insane again", Ron muttered.

"Well", Slughorn began slowly and carefully. "Off to your partner, then."

I did. I walked across the room to stand next to the Slytherin who eyed me sceptically.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to throw something at you", I said, reminding Malfoy of the night before when I faked throwing a Bludger at him. When I found out that I'm his Pretend Friend, too. What was up with the Sorting Hat this year? The best part of it, though, is that _I_ know that he's my Pretend Friend, and I'm his, but he doesn't. I wanted it to stay that way.

"You better not", Malfoy hissed and turned his gaze towards the front of the room.

"Today you all shall be brewing the ' _Pause Potion_ '. Brewed correctly you can freeze any moment for five seconds, not more and not less. You can, using this potion, decide what'll happen from present moment and into the unnoticed future. Can someone explain why the Pause Potion has no effect on time waves?" Slughorn asked and soon enough Hermione held up a hand.

"Time waves are only affected by time travel between different timelines, for example traveling back in time or into the future. The Pause Potion don't make someone travel in time but freezes time for five seconds", Hermione explained.

"Well done, Miss Granger! I'm glad you're back. Ten points to Gryffindor", Professor Slughorn announced. "You know where to find the ingredients, instructions are written on the Black Board. Begin!"

Students rushed around in the classroom to get their hands on their ingredients and to get a closer look on the instructions.

"Ingredients", Malfoy said, preparing his couldron and a fire beneath it.

"Ingredients", I repeated. Malfoy rolled his eyes.

"Yes, _Potter_. Surely you can manage that", he said, not sparing me a single glance.

"And let me guess, let _you_ do all the brewing, _Malfoy_." I crossed my arms, pretending to be opposed to the idea of not having to do anything but observe.

"But of course", the Slytherin said. He suddenly stopped in his motions and glared at me instead. " _Ingredients_ , Potter", he added. I rolled my eyes but left to get the ingredients nevertheless.

After retrieving them all I had to do was stand by and watch Draco Malfoy work. There wasn't really that much other things to do but to watch him. He was quite interesting in a way, I assume. The fact that he came back to Hogwarts after the war was either foolish or brave. Very gryffindorish of the proud Slytherin. To be honest, I was a bit curious as to _why_ he came back. Surely he hadn't needed to, but he did. He still has the tattoo on his left forearm as evidence for the part he played in the war. I've never seen it since the night Dumbledore died. I wonder what reaction our classmates would have if seeing the Dark Mark on Malfoy's skin. I wonder if a professor would stun him for that.

I went back to observing Malfoy as he chopped something that looked like a mixture of wood and flesh. His hands looked really pale but soft as he picked up the newly chopped bits and put them into the cauldron.

Suddenly Malfoy looked at me with narrowed eyes and reddened cheeks. He opened his mouth but closed it as fast as he could. "Thanks", he muttered from between clenched teeth, making it sound almost like a hiss.

"What for?" I asked surprised, staring wide eyed at the Slytherin who _thanked_ me. This must've been a nightmare or such.

"You told me my hands looked soft", he explained and rolled his eyes. Suddenly the two of us turned red. I remembered suddenly what Hermione had said at lunch, that if you just _think_ something positive about your Pretend Friend, the magic forces you to say it.

"Keep stirring, Malfoy", I said, hoping we could just forget this little conversation. I mean, what kind of bloke tells another bloke his _hands_ looks _soft_! That just sounds so wrong. Espescially when it's _him_!

When the time was up and the potions were done Professor Slughorn went to each table with a pocket watch to see whether or not the potion would work. One in every pair has to drink the potion and then has five seconds when the rest of the room's frozen in place.

Honestly, if you had five seconds to do anything you'd want without having anyone witness, what would you do? I have no bastard clue, to be honest. I wonder what Malfoy'd do. When Slughorn had come to our table he had ordered Draco Malfoy to drink the potion, instead of me. I wonder if Slughorn was afraid I'd be poisoned by the Slytherin or something, if I drank the potion. Wouldn't put it past him, the git. Perhaps the magic of Pretend Friend wouldn't let that happen, since it forces you to voice the positive things. I scoffed. Most days I hated my lack of luck.

Malfoy wass wearing that smirk again, cannot bode well for anyone, he's plotting right now in that blonde head of his, I just know it. He has five seconds when he can do something scandalous or humiliating or _anything_ and no one can witness it. This wasn't going to be good.

Malfoy drank the potion and it stood suddenly on the table behind him. His five seconds was already over without anyone noticing. I narrowed my eyes at him and suddenly I was hit with the knowledge that something was wrong. My body was shaking slightly, getting uncomfortably warm and _fuzzy_. My face was warm, eyes glased and lips tingled and slightly wet. What had Malfoy _done_? I must've been jinxed, even my hair was out of place, well more so than earlier. He must have put a spell on me, a curse or something, because _this_ , whatever I was feeling was just too odd to feel in a classroom. A _Potions_ classroom.

Malfoy just smirked at me.

Slughorn went on to the next group, holding up his pocket watch to see the disappearance of five seconds per group. When he was done with all the groups he called it an end.

When in the corridor, on our way to our DADA lesson I asked Hermione and Ron if they felt odd. Maybe having been in such a closy proximity to the potion could have a bad effect on the human body.

"No, you're fine, Harry", Hemione told me and smiled reassuringly. Somehow, I didn't believe her, my body was still kind of tingling. Odd.

"He's bloody well not fine! He volunteered to be paired up with _Malfoy_ , I say we take him to Madame Pomfrey. You know, just in case", Ron proposed and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"You know, Ron. I think it's great that Harry doesn't let that school boy animosity keep him from doing what's right and forgive someone for their mistakes. Harry really sets an example, don't you think." I knew what Hermione wanted but Ron didn't seem to understand.

"Some things shouldn't be forgiven", Ron replied. Maybe he _did_ understand what she was getting at.

"You know what, I'll just head back to the Tower and sleep this off", I announced and stopped in my tracks. Hermione narrowed her eyes at me and I winked at her. Ron didn't seem to notice but Hermione sure looked alright with the idea of being left alone with Ron for a bit.

Hermione pulled at Ron's shirtsleeve before he could protest. "Sleep tight then, Harry", she said and dragged Ron away. I snickered at the sight of small Hermione with her bushy hair dragging tall, skinny Ron after herself.

On the way to the Gryffindor Tower I noticed a lone blonde boy walking a bit ahead. I started running towards him. "Malfoy!" I yelled and the boy turned around to look at me.

"Potter, for what do I owe this honour?" The Slytherin crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at me.

"What did you do? When you had your five seconds, what did you _do_?" I asked. Malfoy held my gaze steadily, not breaking eye contact.

"Why do you ask?"

"I know you did something to me, _I know it_! I bloody _feel_ it, Malfoy! Did you curse me? Is that it?" I think I screamed at this point, I wanted so badly to rip the answer out of the proud Malfoy and have him admit what he did. That he cursed me.

Malfoy took a step towards me and smirked. When he was so close I could feel his breath on my face he whispered; "Wouldn't you like to know?"

And just like that he was gone and my body went back to feeling odd again. Tingly, shivery and almost dizzy.

I sighed and went to the Gryffindor Tower, perhaps I was just imagining things? Maybe sleep was the best thing to do at the moment.

After taking a quick shower I pulled on my pajamas and went to bed, sleep slowly took me into a world of wonder.

* * *

 

I was walking in a forest. It was a cold night and the moon was shining brightly up in the nightsky. A hooded figure was following me. I knew they did, I just didn't know who it was or what it was, for that matter. I didn't know what they would want.

They came closer and closer no matter how much I sped up and suddenly they were in front of me. I reached out into the cold night to grab the hood of my enemy and pull it off.

It was Draco Malfoy. He was smirking at me with not a hair out of place.

"What did you do to me!" I screamed and in the forest it seemed to echo. It was odd.

He stepped towards me. "What did it feel like?" he asked.

"My body was suddenly shivering", I told him honestly. Why did I do that?

"And?" Malfoy asked, taking a step towards me.

"I was getting uncomfortably warm and almost _fuzzy._ " Malfoy took another step towards me. I stared at him.

"And?" The Slytherin boy took another step towards me, this time he stood so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"My face was warm and my lips, they were a bit wet and tingly", I explained and Malfoy hummed. For the blink of an eye I could swear he was staring at my lips but I knew that would've been mental. What would have possessed him to do _that_? Nothing, that's what. Some things are too unbelievable, even in a world of magic.

"What did you do?" I asked again and this time his smirk grew impossibly more and his grey eyes almost sparkled.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he asked.

"If you won't tell me", I said. "Then can you perhaps show me?"

Malfoy looked at me with challenge and entertainment in his eyes. He bent slightly towards me, so very close now and then he whispered; "No." And just like that he was gone.


	9. Prove Me Wrong

**Chapter 9, Prove Me Wrong**

It's been more than a week since the Potions lesson when Malfoy cursed me. I know I didn't have any proof but I just knew it. Every night I've had the same dream. Me in the forest being followed by a figure in a hood who turned out to be no other than Draco bloody Malfoy. Then I started asking about the Potions class and about what he did to me. I know he did something because everything's different now, it's insane! I can't even look the git in the eye anymore without feeling weird. I don't understand. How come Malfoy can't seem to leave me alone? He's even occupying my dreams now, as if it wasn't odd enough that he always came to our compartment on the Hogwarts Express. He always looks at me with that stupid smirk on his face.

I'm currently sitting alone at the Gryffindor table, no one else had come in for breakfast yet. Nightmares always seemed to get me there early.

Never mind, back to the dream! After I've told him about the odd feelings — _symptoms_ , as i like to call them— I experienced when he drank the potion he stood directly in front of me but it never ended the same way. In the beginning he just told me "No", but a couple of nights later he had spat on me. Most recent dreams of the event I've had, I awoke before he could even do anything! I know I'm acting a bit as if my dreams hold the key but right now I'd rather find out through a dream than to actually talk to the git again.

Hermione was suddenly walking into the Great Hall, her bushy hair could be recognised anywhere and I greeted her. She had circles under her eyes and I guess I had them, too.

"Couldn't sleep?" I asked her and she shook her head. "Australia?"

She eyed me for a bit as if contemplating telling me or not. "Yeah", she said. "The war?"

I snorted. "Potions class", I responded and Hermione laughed.

"That bad, huh", she said amused and I agreed.

"You know, Hermione", I began after a while, a bit uncertain whether or not to ask the question.

"Yeah?" She looked at me concerned. "Is it about Malfoy?" she asked. When is it not about the git?

"Yeah, actually", I said and coughed. "Have you ever realised that his insults weren't, well, _insults_?"

Hermione laughed heartily, almost falling off her seat. "Don't tell me you never have", she said. "Oh, Harry! He's been calling you 'Saint Potter' for seven years, he's even calling you 'wonderful' on occasion, how could you possibly have missed it?"

I shrugged. "I hadn't really thought about it. He'd always find our compartment, too. On the train, I mean."

"So I remember. You know, in Second Year when you and Ron took the _car_ to school Malfoy actually came to my compartment asking where 'Saint Potter' was. He looked quite put out, to be honest", Hermione smiled at me.

"Don't suppose you have some theories as to _why_?"

"Why his insults are more qualified as compliments and why he's always looking for you on the train in the beginning of school after months of summer holiday?" she asked, eyes sparkling.

"Yes", I said, rolling my eyes.

"I'll tell you my theory if you tell me about your reason for asking", she said.

"Very Slytherin of you, Hermione", I said and sighed in defeat. "Alright". I told her about the Potions class, about the _symptoms_ I had gotten after Malfoy had drunk the potion. I told her about the conversation in the hallway afterwards and the dream. "I want to know what he's plotting, is all", I said lastly.

Hermione chuckled. "Don't you always?" I glared at her.

"Your _theory_ , Hermione", I said and she hummed. She picked up a red apple from a basket, looked towards the entrance were loads of students were entering, among them the blonde Slytherin as well as our friends and House mates. The Slytherin boy glanced quickly at us before focusing on his own House table. He sent that infuriatig, stupid smirk my way again and I scoffed.

Hermione bent towards me. "He likes you", she said and took a bite of the apple. I stared at her, wanting to tell her she was wrong but the arrival of our friends distracted me.

They bade us a good morning and soon enough Hermione and I noticed something was rather off.

"Where's Ron?" Hermione asked with knitted brows.

"Eating breakfast with Maxine", Seamus replied, wiggling his eyebrows. Hermione scoffed.

"It's Friday", I said in understanding, Hermione raised a brow at me as if wanting me to explain. "They usually eat breakfast playing chess, preparing for the weekend filled with it", I explained. Except tomorrow when we're going to Hogsmeade, that's the only Saturday they actually leave… I don't really know where they're at to be honest. Ron's not telling me much, with Hermione here I barely even talk to him anymore.

"And Merlin knows what else", Seamus said. Hermione turned to him with wide eyes.

"Seamus is just teasing", I reassured her.

"Transfiguration begins soon", Hermione said and stood up. She then proceeded to look at me, lifting a brow. I sighed.

"See you later, guys", I said and followed her.

"You're wrong", I told Hermione as we exited the Great Hall on our way to Transfiguration.

"About what?" she asked, lifting a brow at me.

"About Malfoy liking me is what", I explained, she chuckled. "There has to be another reason."

"Okay", she responded.

"Okay, what?"

"Maybe he doesn't like you, maybe he kissed you for another reason", she said. I stopped in my tracks as if punched and then sped up to walk beside her again.

" _Kissed me?_ He's not kissed me, are you mental! He knows I'd probably-"

"Jinx him if he did?" Hermione finished my sentence and I nodded. "Tell me again about your _symptoms_." I didn't like that tone on her voice, it was almost mocking or perhaps disbelief. Probably both.

"I've already told you", I said and Hermione rolled her eyes. "I felt kind of warm. My body was shivering and a bit tingly and _fuzzy_ ", I explained, brows furrowed..

"And your lips?" I glanced sideways at Hermione. What importance did my _lips_ do?

"They were tingling, and a bit wet. I mean that's not normal, is it?" I asked. Which means I had to have been cursed by the git, right?

"Let's just say that _if_ Malfoy wanted to kiss you, I bet he would have done it when you wouldn't have noticed."

"You've completely lost me, Hermione", I announced and she sighed.

"Think, Harry. What did the potion do? The potion of which you got all these _symptoms_ off?" She sounded frustrated.

"The Pause Potion? It froze time for five seconds."

"Exactly!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked. Hermione groaned frustrated and shoved me towards the closest wall to where we were walking in the hallway, her arms crossed as she looked at me intently.

" _If_ Malfoy would want to kiss you he'd do it when you wouldn't notice, correct?" I nodded. "The potion he drank before you started feeling ' _odd_ ' was a Pause Potion, freezing the moment for five seconds. He'd then have _five seconds_ during which he could have kissed you. After Malfoy had drunk the potion did you feel dizzy, warm, shivery?" Again, I nodded. "Were your lips warm, tingly and wet?" I nodded, confused. I'd already told her I felt all these things.

"What are you saying?"

Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "These are all _symptoms_ , not of a Pause Potion, but of a _kiss_! Draco Malfoy, pureblood, proud Slytherin, ex Death Eater and Slytherin Prefect _kissed_ the Chosen One when he didn't risk getting a punch on his pale, pureblood nose!"

" _Hermione_ ", I wanted to argue but she cut it off.

"Malfoy likes you, Harry. Merlin knows for how long", she said as if final and then strode towards the classroom as fast as she could as if she dared me to ask another question, or even catch up with her.

It wasn't my fault Hermione was wrong. The whole trip to Australia must have messed with her head. There had to be another explanation. The first thing I could do was to prove her wrong, that the way I'd feel after a kiss and the way you feel when jinxed are not the same. Which meant…

I had to find someone to kiss.

I followed Hermione into our Transfiguration classroom, trying to decide when and where and who.

The perfect moment would probably present itself in time. And that it did.

We had Transfigurations with Hufflepuff which meant that Ron'd sit with Maxine and Hermione would send them disapproving glares on occasion. We were sitting far back, Hermione and I.

I know I told you about how split the classroom was when it's Potions and Astronomy, too, Slytherin to the left and Gryffindor to the right. Classes with Hufflepuff was almost the opposite. It was rather mixed, Gryffindor's and Hufflepuff's sitting together. I knew that at least Dean, Neville and Ron had each a Pretend Friend in Hufflepuff. The rest was unknown to me.

Professor McGonagall, even though she was the Headmistress, was responsible for Tranfigurations class. According to Ron it's because she doesn't trust anyone else on that post but according to Dean she's not found anyone better suited. Hermione was glad when she found out that McGonagall still held the class.

The class assignment was to write three inches on Human Tranformation and was due to the next class, which was next week, which meant we had the entire week to study and write the essay.

Hermione didn't agree, which resulted in us spending most of the afternoon in the library studying.

"Harry, did you know that since humans and chimpanzees are so closely related, they're the easiest form a human can take when doing a full body tranformation into another species? Isn't it intresting!" Hermione sat opposite me in the library, several books opened as she was trying to write her essay.

"To be honest, Hermione, the thought of transfiguring myself into a chimp isn't something I'm particularly interested in", I responded but Hermione only hummed in response.

"You're Ron's friend, right?" a voice from behind me asked. I turned around and there stood a Hufflepuff girl. Her face was round, eyes brown and chin slighty pointy. I think she was kind of pretty.

"Yeah", I responded and smiled at her, she seemed to sigh in relief.

"I'm Joanna, a friend of Maxine's, Ron sent me", the girl said. I heard Hermione's book slam together and when I turned around to look at her I saw that Hermione was eyeing Joanna scepically and wearily.

"I'm Harry", I introduced as I turned back around, smiling brightly.

"I know who you are", she said and blushed.

"What do you want, friend of Maxine's?" Hermione asked a bit harsh with narrowed eyes. Joanna looked so innocent and shy when she looked back at Hermione. That's when I knew.

"Joanna?" I said, taking the girl's attention back from an irritated Hermione. "Would you like to meet up later, just the two of us?" I asked. Hermione stared at me wide eyed and mouth hanging opened. Joanna grinned.

"I'd love to, Harry", she said a bit shy, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Brilliant. Meet me in the Astronomy Tower after dinner", I said. Joanna nodded.

"I'll see you then", she said and left. When I turned back in my seat Hermione was looking at me intently with narrowed eyes.

"Harry, what are you doing?" she asked.

I bent towards her. "Proving you wrong", I replied.

"About what?" she asked confused, crossing her arms.

"About the git kissing me, is what", I responded and smiled. She sighed.

"So you're going to kiss her to test your theory", she said.

"Not a theory, Hermione, because I know I'm right. Malfoy did something but he _didn't_ kiss me, alright. And I'm going to prove it."

"So you are going to go kiss some random girl to find out whether or not Malfoy kissed you?" I nodded. "Harry, you can't just go play with someone's emotions like that. It's wrong and _cruel_ to say the least." As if people hadn't done that to _me_. I mean my whole life people had used me, trained me and taken care of me all for one purpose. So many people have used and played with _me_ not because I was Harry, a boy. For them I was Harry Potter, destined to save them. It didn't matter for them that I was just a boy, with normal issues, for them I was a weapon, destined to die at Voldemort's hands. That I came back from the dead has not changed _anything_. And now the blood and the blame was placed on _me_. And truth be told Hermione wasn't any better herself.

"Like going off to the other side of the world, you mean?" I said and regretted it as fast as I saw the hurt in Hermione's eyes and her lips pressed tightly together. She rose from her chair with gleaming eyes, picking up all of her equipment and almost shoving it inside her book bag. "I'm sorry, Hermione, I didn't mean it, it just sort of slipped!"

Hermione didn't seem to hear me or even care, she turned to walk towards the entrance of the library. She turned around lastly, looking at me. "I don't believe that for a second", she said, turned away again before looking over her shoulder at me. "And good luck breaking that girl's heart. I'm sure she'll be worth it", Hermione hissed, eyes tearfilled and red. And then she exited the library, just like that.

I let her go, drowning myself in guilt. I shouldn't have said that to her, I know I shouldn't. And she was wrong, too, about Joanna. She'd understand, right? Joanna, I mean. She won't have any hard feelings. Maybe I had to play my cards even more careful than I had first intended.

Knowing I couldn't very well stay in the library much longer since I had to get myself ready, I left. First I went to the Kitchens to pick up something small to eat, I didn't feel like going to the Great Hall this evening. Then I went to the Gryffindor Tower preparing myself by taking a shower, putting on some cologne and deoderant since I didn't want to smell badly if I wanted to kiss her. Or rather, make her kiss me.

When it was time I left for the Astronomy Tower wearing a t-shirt and denim.

Joanna was already standing there when I walked in. She looked out at the view of the lake, her back turned to me. She was wearing a blouse with a flower pattern and a knee long skirt.

"Hullo", I greeted her as I walked closer to her.

She turned around and smiled at me. "Hi", she said.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked and went to stand right next to her. She nodded.

"Yeah, it is", she said and looked out over the lake again. I looked at her and smiled.

"You're really pretty", I said turning her face a bright red. I grinned at her. She turned to look at me, eyes sparkling.

Joanna coughed, breaking the moment and reached into her bag that stood by her feet. She pulled up a little note. "I promised Ron I'd give you this, that's why I came by earlier. I just seemed to have forgotten it".

I looked at the note and it was clearly Ron's handwriting.

**Harry, mom owled me earlier, she's wondering if you're planning on celebrating Christmas with us or if you have other plans. Maxine and I will be quidchessing all weekend so won't see you until Monday.**

**Ron**

Until Monday? Wasn't they planning on going to Hogsmeade, or did he just forget it? Why would they want to be alone som much suddenly?

I gave the note back to Joanna but she gestured for me to keep it so I pocketed it.

"They're quite close now", Joanna admitted.

"Exactly how close?" I asked, thinking about Hermione and suddenly felt a pang of shame for what I had said earlier, even tough she had deserved it.

Joanna smiled at me. "They're just friends, if that's what you mean." Indeed it was. I mean, Maxine and Ron had even invented their own word " _quidchessing_ ". That doesn't mean that they're playing either quidditch or chess. It could be a codename, couldn't it? Maybe I'm becoming paranoid. Again.

"I guess it would have been nice though to, you know, kiss and hold and that", I said, hoping she'd caught on. She looked at me and smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so", she said. I looked briefly at her lips, reaching out to cup her cheek, dragging my thumb across it.

"Do you mind?" I asked and wetted my lips. She stared at me with wide, sparkling eyes.

"No", she said and shook her head. "Not at all". I bent towards her slightly, making sure she'd have to close the distance herself. And that she did. Joanna pressed her lips to mine and I closed my eyes. I felt nothing but warm, which was good. When I pulled away from the kiss my lips were tingling slightly and when I touched them they were a little wet.

"I'm sorry", I said and the smiling face of Joanna's lost all the emotion on her face.

"What for?" she asked.

I sighed. "I don't see you like that", I said.

I was wrong. Or rather, partly wrong. _Mostly_ wrong.

Joanna's eyes got red and she looked both angry and hurt. She picked up her bag from the floor and left the Astronomy Tower almost running.

I sat down on the floor, face buried in my hands. I felt almost disgusted with myself and my stupidity as well as my stubborness. I wasn't wrong but I wasn't right. My lips tingled and they were wet, my body had felt warm but not shivery.

Dinner began soon but I wasn't hungry and instead went to the Gryffindor Common Room, hoping I'd be the only one. The only other person in the room, though, wasn't that bad but now I felt a tension build itself up as fast as I entered. I sighed, only one thing to do.

"You were right", I admitted. "I shouldn't have played her like that, I just wasn't thinking clearly." Hermione sat on the sofa, reading a book.

"You don't seem to do that very often anymore", Hermione said, not meeting my gaze.

"Just. I'm sorry, 'Mione, okay? You left and Ron was an utter _mess_ because of it. You didn't even say good bye. What if we never would have gotten to see you again and you had left us like _that_?" I reasoned, suddenly thinking about Ron's note in my pocket, contemplating showing Hermione or not. I decided not to.

Hermione sighed and put down the book she was reading. "I didn't want to worry you", she admitted.

"Perhaps, but you did. We worry because we really care about you. Ron's been looking around corners waiting for you to show up and you never did", I said. "He'll come around, you know. Always does, just give him time", I reassured her and finally she met my eyes and smiled. I walked towards her and sat down on the armchair opposite her.

"I guess you're right", she said. "I just wish it'd make it easier."

"It's hard because it's worth it", I said. Hermione laughed at me.

"Harry James Potter, never took you for a poet", she grinned.

I shrugged. "Never too late to get in touch with my artistic side."

"I've seen you draw, Harry, it was quite painful", she teased.

I placed a hand over my heart. "Ouch", I gasped and Hermione rolled her eyes at me, then she tapped me on my shoulder, suddenly looking serious.

"So, how did proving me wrong go?" she asked. I rose a brow at her.

"I already told you it was wrong to play her like that", I responded.

Hermione waved my response away. "I know, but what did you find out? How did you feel after you kissed her?"

"I know what you're going to say, the 'I told you so' is hanging in the air but it's mental to think that _Malfoy_ kissed me, alright", I responded. "And to be fair you were just _partly_ right." Well, mostly, but she didn't need to know that.

"Whatever you say", she smiled. I just needed to prove her wrong some other way. Maybe the curse he put on me made me feel it? The _symptoms_ when I had kissed Joanna. That was actually plausible. Not sure how I'd find proof for it, though. I just wish I remembered how it felt kissing Ginny, or Cho, but I guess it's been too long now. And a war's been between.

The door was suddenly opened to the Common Room, Hermione's shocked face made me turn around.

"Can I talk to you, Harry?" The Minister of Magic asked and I nodded.

"Sure", I said and looked at Hermione.

"Oh! I'll finish in my dorm", she said, picked up her books and exited the room. Kingsley Shacklebolt sat down on the sofa, making himself comfortable.

"Do you remember when I told you about the lost Time Turner, this summer?" Kingsley asked and I nodded, which seemed to be a very good thing judging by his sudden sigh of relief. Kingsley and Arthur had told me and Ron about it this summer. "I told you about the map in my office that shows the location of the Time Turner in Britain. It's here in Hogwarts", he explained.

"That's great, right? I mean now that you know where it is, it's easier to find it", I reasoned. Kingsley didn't look that convinced.

"The problem is the amount of magic in Hogwarts is messing with the signal now that the Time Turner isn't being used, and as far as the Ministry knows it hasn't been yet. I need someone on the inside to look for it, keep an eye out for anything that seems to be out of place", Kingley said and suddenly stood up. "I knew I could count on you, Harry. I'd love to stay and chat but you know, Minister duties", he said finally and exited before I could even argue.

I hadn't even told him I'd do it. It was just like the war again, everyone just demanding things of me, thinking I'd take care of it without even asking me first. And sometimes they even made the order sound like a proposition, knowing I wouldn't decline. Knowing I _couldn't_ decline.

Why couldn't I just have one peaceful year without a mission or someone cursing me? Was that too much to ask for, even for me? No one had even cared about me this year, the fact that I was the Chosen One, it was like after my part had been played everyone went back to their own. I was now just one of the past celebrities, long forgotten. Is that how it is? When a Quidditch star who had been winning every game he or she played ended their career, did thay go back to the shadow? Forgotten? I had wished that'd happen for such a long time that now that it has I miss it a bit. Not the part about being in mortal danger but the thrill, I guess. I always loved the challenge-

I was suddenly struck with a theory and it made me sick I hadn't thought of it first. Malfoy hadn't just cursed me, he was going to use the Time Turner to get Voldemort back and because of the curse on me I'd be powerless to stop him! I always knew the git was plotting. That would explain the missing Time Turner _and_ the fact that he cursed me!

I had to tell Hermione!

I stood up and walked towards the girl's dorm when I suddenly stopped and thought. No. I was _not_ going to tell Hermione, I was going to find _proof_.

Instead of going to the girl's dorm I went into the boy's dorm to take my Invisibility Cloak and picked up the Marauder's Map to look for my target. Malfoy was walking on the sixth floor. Alone. I left the dorm quickly with my book bag in hand. As soon as no one was around to see me I pulled the Cloak out from my bag and slipped it on.

Then I went down to sixth floor. I knew where he was just as I took my first step into the hallway. That blonde hair lit almost like a torchlight. It was almost magnificent. At least it would've been if it wasn't _him_.

I started walking towards him, slowly, hoping he wouldn't hear me as I got closer and closer. When I was a couple of steps away and Malfoy had his back to me, I slipped out of the Cloak and hid it in my book bag again. I checked once or twice if I could hear any other sound but Malfoy's quiet footsteps.

Certain no one would walk in on us I grabbed Malfoy's arm and pulled him towards the wall, placing my other hand on his other arm, holding him in place.

" _Potter_ ", Malfoy hissed.

"What are you up to?" I asked. Malfoy nodded towards his collar where his silver "P" was fastened.

"Prefect duty", the git responds. "At least I'm not attacking anyone", he said before smirking. "At the moment, that is." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Cut the crap, I know you're up to something so _spill_!" Malfoy looked at me intenlty, it was almost too… I don't know what. It was like he was starting to get under my skin. My warming skin, those weird _symptoms_ came again and they made me furious. "I know you cursed me Malfoy." I said it because it was the only thing I could say and I said it because it was the only explanation for everything and for how I had felt. This, whatever it was, was not natural.

Malfoy snorted, looking away. His eyes almost glittered, I always thought his grey eyes were dull and evil but here they were _glittering_. Everything was too weird. Maybe it's a part of the _symptoms_.

"The only curse you're under is your own", Malfoy replied snarky. I gripped his arms tighter. Harder. The magic of Pretend Friend imediately made me loosen my grip.

"Tell me what you did!" I wanted to yell but the same magic turned it into a whisper. Malfoy looked away. "I know you did something, _Malfoy_ , and if you don't tell me then-"

"Oh, are you threatening me? How exciting", the Slytherin teased, smirking.

"Please, Malfoy. At Potions, I know you did something, you _cursed_ me didn't you?!" I yelled and the other boy sighed, looking at me intently again. His eyes were glittering again. "Just tell me what you did", I said.

Malfoy just looked at me, not saying a word and his silence drove me insane. I wanted to slam my fist against something but I didn't. I just wanted to do _something_ but I didn't know what. I let my eyes travel over his body and the _symptoms_ intensified.

"Damn it Malfoy!" I sighed but looking back up at him I had an idea. "Well, if you can't tell me", I said, thinking about the reocurring dream I had. "Then perhaps you can show me." I wondered what he'd do, if he'd do something. Would he curse me again? Would it be worse than the first time around? I've already died once and come back so I wasn't scared. Maybe I was immune to the curse since it was already on me? I didn't know.

Malfoy looked stunned as he stared at me, still not doing anything. Still not saying anything. It was quite unnerving. I was losing my patience.

"I know you cursed me, Malfoy. And I _will_ prove-", I began but I never got to finish that sentence as Malfoy did as I had earlier asked. He showed me what he did. One second Malfoy had his lips pressed to mine, my hands lost their grip on his arms and the next he was not. When I opened my eyes he was nowhere to be seen and I was shaking, dizzy. I had to sit down, or perhaps I'd faint.

I turned around and slid down the wall so that I sat on the floor. One hand holding up my face and the other was touching my lips.

"Hermione", I whispered. "Why do you always have to be _right_?"


	10. Chance

**Chapter 10, Chance**

My hands were flat against something soft. A body was pressed close to mine. Lips were pressing against my own and a tongue was working it's way inside my mouth. It was hot, so very hot. I opened my lips slightly to welcome the intruder and gave it what I could. My tongue against it. My eyes had been long closed, drowning me in sensation and I felt it. I felt all of it as I never seemed to have enough. To feel enough of the person laying beneath me. I wanted more and more and so did they. It was intoxicating and completely brilliant and mental but it was also a drug. I couldn't seem to have enough.

Hands were gripping the bottom of my shirt before sliding under it, making me gasp into the kiss. Hands that were impossibly soft were stroking my stomach and chest. I shivered both from the touch of palms against my bare skin as well as those lips and tongue against mine.

Grinning, I pulled away from the kiss and looked below me were another body laid. Pale skin. Light hair. Grey eyes.

"What's the matter, Potter?" the all too familiar voice spoke and the common smirk was soon in its rightful place, where my lips had been just a moment earlier. I witnessed those grey eyes travel down my body and I followed them as did one of his hands. Malfoy's smirk grew when his gaze was fixed on the waist of my trousers. My erection must have been too visible, even though I hadn't noticed it before. My face turned red but I thought all my blood was already down by my hardened cock.

Malfoy glanced up briefly to watch me before he pressed one elegant palm against my erection. My eyes fluttered close and a sound escaped me.

* * *

I woke with a start. I hadn't had a nightmare for some time now and this dream had to be classed as a nightmare. It absolutely _had_ to! I had been _snogging_ Malfoy for Merlin's sake! And then he… He…

I peeked beneath my covers and saw my tented pajama bottoms. I sighed. This was _not_ good.

One of my hands moved beneath the covers to the waistband of my bottoms, going further down. I closed my eyes, it had been so long since I touched myself, I couldn't even remember when it had been. So much had been going on that I would never let myself but now, now I could. Just one touch, one stroke, one caress of a thumb against the tip of my cock. Just one. I needed only _one_.

I suddenly yanked my hand away and then the covers. I needed a shower, a really, really cold shower.

* * *

Hermione was already sitting by the table when I came in for breakfast. It's almost become routine for us now, to eat before the rest of our House would come. Just the two of us, so that we could talk. It was nice.

I went towards her, her eyes gleamed when she saw me.

"Good morning", she smiled but I didn't return it. I sat down opposite Hermione and looked at our surroundings before bending towards her.

"Malfoy kissed me", I whispered. Hermione smiled.

"So I said. Has it finally sunk in, then?"

I looked dumbfounded at her. "What? No, no! I mean he _kissed_ me, as in last night!"

Hermione stared at me wide eyed. Then she hid her mouth behind her hand and gasped. "And?" she asked.

"And _what_?"

"Did you like it?" she asked, bending towards me so no one would overhear. She smiled at me, as if the subject was something to smile about. First he cursed me and then he kissed me, how could one smile at that?

"No!" I said. "I mean, it was _Malfoy_!"

"What difference does it make?" Hermione asked, looking at me intently.

"It's so wrong", I whispered, burying my face in my hands. Hermione rose an eyebrow at me.

"What is?" she asked.

"It's _Malfoy_ , it's like snogging _Voldemort_ for Merlin's sake!" I explained, immediately shaking out of disgust at the image that conjured. "Never mind, I take that back." Hermione laughed. "It's just wrong, is all", I said.

"The fact that he's _Malfoy_ or the fact that he's a bloke as are you?" Hermione was suddenly serious again.

I looked at her for a bit, trying to figure out the correct answer. I sighed. "I guess a bit of both", I finally replied. I hadn't thought that much about it. The nightmare had unnerved me though. A lot. And at the moment that was all I knew.

"Harry", Hermione breathed. "There's nothing wrong with it, you know. Two blokes, I mean." I eyed her quizzically.

"That might be true but that doesn't change the fact that it's _Malfoy_ and he had no reason", I said. "And I'm not gay." I like girls, pretty girls like Joanna. Well not _Joanna_ but other pretty girls like Joanna since she's a pretty girl. Yeah, you probably get the point.

"Harry, do you think you might be interested in him?" I stared at Hermione in shock.

"No! I just told you I wasn't gay. Even if I was Malfoy's been a git to me for seven years", I reasoned. How could she possibly think that? _No_ , just no! I mean Malfoy liking _me_ is one thing but me liking _him_ is just wrong. He's my archrival, for crying out loud! He's a _Death Eater_.

"Well, think about it. He didn't tell Bellatrix it was you at Malfoy Manor. His insults were more like compliments and he always found your compartment", Hermione said, counting on her fingers.

"Stop."

"And he basically _flirted_ with you in Third Year. He was always seeking your attention."

"Hermione, _stop_!" Suddenly I was standing, palms on the table on either side of my plate. Hermione stared at me wide eyed. "Please, stop", I whispered and sat down again.

"Fine, Harry, but all I'm saying is that it's okay. No one would judge you." Hermione had crossed her arms.

"I don't understand what you're talking about", I said, narrowing my eyes at her to try making her stop just by the will of my mind.

Hermione sighed. "I know you've been obsessed with Malfoy, and he you. I just want you to know that you're free to date whoever you want", Hermione said and smiled at me reassuringly. I knitted my brows in confusion.

And then it dawned on me.

"I was never talking about dating the git, are you _mental_?" I stared at her in shock as words I would never have thought Hermione would ever say actually had come out. I wished they hadn't. Because now that they had they could never become unsaid. They could never become unheard.

And I've already told her I'm not gay.

"Hogsmeade's today", Hermione said and changed the subject. I welcomed it.

"Yeah", I nodded.

"I bet Ron's going with Maxine", Hermione complained. I contemplated telling Hermione about Ron's note from the previous evening, when I kissed Joanna. He had written that I'd not see him until Monday. I wondered whether he just forgot or if he and Maxine planned on not going at all. Or maybe going but staying out of eyesight.

"You know, I can help find your Pretend Friend, if you want", I offered.

Hermione sighed. "No, Harry, That's fine", she said. "Do you want help finding yours?" she asked. No one actually knew that Malfoy was my Pretend Friend, and I his. No one knew I had spoken to him. And _more_. I still couldn't believe it myself.

I smiled at Hermione. "I'm fine, thanks", I said. "You know, we should go together."

Hermione eyed me quizzically for a moment before smiling. "To Hogsmeade, you mean", she responded, nodding. Soon enough Hermione rose from her seat and looked at me grinning, overjoyed. "Now to the library!"

I sighed.

* * *

Hermione and I sat in the library doing our homework. I was already done with my inches but Hermione was still working on hers. She was going to hand a novel in, I'm not kidding! She had so many papers and she kept crossing words she's written and change sentences.

"Are you done yet?" I'd ask.

"This is just a draft", she'd respond.

I was so bored, the only thing that kept me sane was that at 10 o'clock it was time for Hogsmeade. It was less than an hour till then. That was the only reason Hermione wouldn't keep me in the library the whole day.

Something was moving by the bookshelf behind Hermione, I narrowed my eyes at it.

"Shit", I all but shrieked and dived under the table almost on reflex.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Hermione asked. I hushed her.

For a couple of seconds I waited for a sound, not hearing anything I sighed.

"Hullo Harry", the sweet voice said and I accidentally hit my head on the table above me. I stood up, awkwardly facing both Hermione and Joanna.

"I thought I dropped my quill", I explained, scratching the back of my head. Hermione rose a brow at me. "What's up, Joanna?"

Joanna looked at me surprised as if she had expected me to know what she had wanted. "I wanted to apologise for yesterday. I shouldn't have kissed you, Harry. I must have misunderstood you, it was stupid of me", the Hufflepuff girl said and I felt something like guilt swell inside of me. I brushed it away.

"It's okay", I said. "No hard feelings". I smiled at her and once again I thought I saw movement from the bookshelf behind Hermione again. Blonde hair, almost white, was seen between the books on the shelf. "Excuse me", I said and almost ran towards the bookshelf.

Empty.

I ran towards the entrance of the library, surely he must have tried running away!.

"Malfoy!" I yelled as I reached the entrance. The hallway was filled with students talking. My peers stared at me with open mouths, clearly surprised and confused.

Without another word I went back in to my and Hermione's table. Joanna was gone just as most of Hermione's books.

"Harry?" Hermione asked as she placed a book in the bookshelf beside her and I knew just by the tone of her voice that she wanted to know what I was doing. I couldn't tell her I thought I saw Malfoy or why I had run towards him instead of hiding from him. I couldn't tell her what I was going to say when I'd face him or what I would do. I didn't tell her because I didn't even know the answers myself. It's like a switch went off in my head and made me not think clearly.

Why couldn't my life just be easy?

"Harry?" Hermione asked again.

"Let's go, it's time to go to Hogsmeade soon", I responded, grabbed my book bag and stuffed my things into it. Hermione eyed me with eyes as big as saucers but I paid her no mind. Finally Hermione sighed in defeat and cleaned up her things, too.

* * *

" _Honestly_ ", Hermione said, crossing her arms. "Ron and that Maxine girl didn't even bother showing up at the gathering earlier", she scoffed as we walked together to Hogsmeade.

Should I tell her about Ron and Maxine and _quidchessing_? I decided not to. I mean, if it wouldn't make her happy then why tell her? I don't want her to feel bad or even think about Ron and Maxine. Hermione was such a mess when it came to Lavender and Ron and they hadn't been as close as Maxine and Ron is. Apart from the physical. Lavender and Ron was _too close_ physically, and I don't think Ron and Maxine's anything but friends. At least that's what Joanna told me. If I could trust what Joanna told me.

"I mean", Hermione continued. "There's just one more trip before Christmas, you know." I rolled my eyes.

"I don't really think anyone's thinking about buying Christmas presents yet, Hermione. It's just October, you know."

"Yeah, I know. The first Quidditch game is next weekend, right?" Hermione turned to me. That meant Halloween's soon, which was evident when we stepped closer to Hogsmeade.

"Yeah", I said. "Ravenclaw against Hufflepuff." Suddenly I saw Malfoy, Nott, Parkinson and Bulstrode. They were ahead of us. I hadn't noticed them earlier because of all the other students but I'd recognise his light hair anywhere and the way his body moved when he walk.

"How's it going with Gryffindor?" Hermione asked. I blinked before I focused on her question, she probably thought I was surprised that she asked me about Quidditch. She needn't know all the things on my mind.

"It's alright, I guess", I said. We've been practising every Tuesday and Thursday since I picked the team but I've been a bit distracted too so I guess they've not been as good as could be. Dean's often on me about it, asking me where my head is since it's not on the team and the practice. It's not like I could tell him though since I don't know where to start.

Seamus is infuriating, too! He always brings _Zabini_ along to our practices and Malfoy _always_ tags along with him. Who'd expect me to concentrate while _he's_ watching? He could just throw a curse on me. Or maybe a cracker since I'm already under his bloody spell. Whenever I'd see him it felt like I was under the Imperius curse. I mean _that's_ not normal, is it?

"Good. I bet Maxine _loves_ Quidditch since you're not able to seperate the two of _them_. It's so…", Hermione began but bit her tongue and I rolled my eyes. Malfoy suddenly turned his head and smirked at me, as if he _knew_. Knew exactly where I were. Knew that I knew exactly where _he_ was. Knew that I was looking at him. Knew the infuriating feelings – _symptoms_ – that drove out of me. He always knew. I was so bloody cursed.

"Hermione, you know I love you but _please_ shut up about Ron for a second, I've got my own problems and Ron and Maxine's just friends", I said. Malfoy let his eyes stay on me for a bit, I narrowed my eyes at him and he turned back.

"What are they then?" Hermione asked. I sighed.

"I just told you that they're just friends." Hermione chuckled.

" _No_ , Harry. I meant your problems. What are they?"

 _Oh_.

First of all I still have a bloody Timeturner I need to find because the Minister of Magic appointed that task on me. Second I had the weirdest dream so far about Malfoy and I and his bloody _hands_. Thirdly my two best friends have a fall out so they're not talking so I've not seen my best mate for a while. And also I'm too distracted during Quidditch practice and let's not forget the fact that I was _cursed_ and _kissed_ by a _git_!

"Just the usual", I told her.

"A dark wizard trying to kill you?" Hermione asked. I snorted.

"Almost."

"A dark wizard trying to _kiss_ you?" She looked too bloody content with herself.

"He didn't _try_ , he succeeded and you know it."

"Yeah, and you liked it and _you_ know it."

"Hermione, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not gay?" I asked her.

"You could be bisexual though." I sighed.

"Just cut it, Hermione, okay? There's no chance in _Hell_ that me and Malfoy will…" Will what? Date? Kiss? _Fuck_? None of the above!

"That's a shame, he's rather good looking", Hermione said. I felt my face getting flushed. "That blonde hair, almost white, his pale skin and I _bet_ he's got abs beneath his robes." Since when did Hermione talk like this? The October air had suddenly gotten dry and cold causing me to both shiver and wet my lips. It was just the weather.

"I know what you're trying to do and I'm telling you it's not working so _cut it off._ "

"All I'm doing is stating facts. I wouldn't be surprised if his hands are soft, too", Hermione said and I flushed deeper, remembering the dream and where those hands had been. I swallowed a sudden tightness in my throat. Hermione was looking at me oddly.

"Just because the git kissed me doesn't make the feelings mutual, alright? And why would I like someone who cursed me first? I mean what kind of person curses someone before they kisses them, is it _that_ hard to just tell someone how you feel? I mean a 'Hey Potter, I like you in a not evil, bad nor platonic way'. Is it really so hard?"

"Didn't you say you'd rather take the dragon in Fourth Year when you and Ron searched for a date to the Yule Ball?" Hermione looked _too_ entertained.

"That was four years ago", I said as if in explanation. "Hey, how did you know?"

"Ron told me", she said and smiled brightly, perhaps lost in a memory. Of course he did.

"The two of you danced around each other for so long it is probably _that_ hard to just tell someone you like them." Hermione's face drained from emotion and I bit my lip.

"You know, I don't even know if it would've been better if we just admitted it earlier. Everything happens just in time, you know", Hermione told me. "And hey, perhaps you and Malfoy's been dancing around each other, too." I know I said she was wrong before, about Malfoy kissing me, but _this time_ I knew she was wrong. Me and Malfoy? Never going to happen.

"Honeydukes first?" I asked as I watched the Slytherins head towards J. Pippin's Potions.

"Fine by me."

After we had bought ourselves some different shaped sweets –and the coust was clear– Hermione and I walked to Zonko's joke shop. I practically dragged her there. As we had entered the shop a man in a blacksuit, a top-hat and vampire fangs greeted us. He held a bowl in his hands.

"Care to try a card of fate?" the man asked and held the bowl to me and Hermione.

"What do they do?" Hermione asked.

"You see, every card has a twin, the person who owns your card's twin is your mate", the man explained. I rolled my eyes, this was all just bullocks but of course Hermione wanted me to take one since it "wouldn't harm me if I tried". I picked a card, it was a pink hippo. I snorted.

"Can I see?" Hermione asked when we'd gone further inside the shop. I showed her my card. "A pink hippo?" She raised a brow. "I wonder what it means."

"Doesn't matter", I said.

"You're right. What matters is the person who has its twin."

"I see Potter likes to play with cards." I stiffened, fists clenching and heart beating faster.

"Following me, are you, Malfoy?" I turned to him but kept my gaze on his eyebrows. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"If I remember correcty", he said and walked closer to me. "Yesterday _you_ followed _me_ ", he whispered. He stood so close now, he must realise I'm not meeting his eyes, he's so close now that he certainly _must_! But I couldn't look into his eyes, I couldn't give in.

"Take one yourself if you think you're any better", Hermione said from beside me. Her sentence made absolutely no sense but it was effective. Malfoy sneered at her and then walked to the man in the top-hat and black suit to take a card, then he turned to look at me before finally exiting the shop. The other Slytherins close behind.

Hermione and I stayed in the shop for a while longer before I convinced her to leave Zonko's for the Three Broomsticks. What I didn't tell her was that I had seen Slytherins enter there or the feeling of curiosity in my chest.

We took a table at the far back, I hung my jacket over my chair while Hermione sat down.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Just a Butterbeer, thanks", she said and took off her jacket while sitting.

I went to the front of the pub, Malfoy's table wasn't far from the front where I stood. While I ordered I tried my hardest to listen in on the Slytherin's conversation, walking just slightly closer. Suddenly I heard something fall over and as I turned around to see for myself Pansy Parkinson doubled over on the floor laughing. I barely understood what she said, for a while I thought she'd gone crazy. Then I thought it was something that had to do with Zonko's joke shop.

Then she started talking in between laughing fits. First it was all just letters and words taken out of content and then came two words. Two words that I never in my entire life thought I'd hear and think about as I did now. "Pink hippo".

No.

Absolutely _not_!

Parkinson kept laughing on the floor before Nott helped her up on her feet and Malfoy looked around furiously, arms crossed. And then he saw me, his eyes met mine and I couldn't look away. I stood frozen until Madame Rosmerta brought me back to Earth by tapping on my shoulder telling me my drinks were ready. I left in a hurry.

"Why are you smiling?" Hermione asked me when I reached our table.

"Am not", I responded but she just rose a brow in challenge. I handed her her Butterbeer.

It was just a coincidence. Just chance, nothing else. A "mate" could be a friend which would make sense since he's already my "Pretend Friend". That has to be what it means. But it was just chance, must've been! Just some stupip game of chance, nothing serious, so why was I freaking out?

I was deep in thought all the way back to Hogwarts. Hermione and I left Hogsmeade early not having anything more we wanted to do in there but when push comes to shove we should perhaps have stayed a bit longer.

Ron and Maxine sat by the fire in the Gryffindor common room with a chessboard in between. Both Hermione and I froze when we saw them. They were laughing and talking in a way that I'd never seen Ron do with anyone else before. It looked so easy. Maxine noticed us first and soon after Ron followed her gaze.

"Hey", he greeted us. "I thought no one was supposed to be back in the next couple of hours."

"Not happy to see us?" Hermione asked, looking hurt but determined. Ron's eyes doubled in size.

"No that's not-", Ron began but Hermione cut him off.

"Wanted to be alone with _her_?" Hermione asked. Maxine rose a brow at her.

"Don't mind her", Ron told Maxine causing Hermione to gasp.

"Maxine, this is not going to be pretty", I said and shot her an apologetic look. She understood and stood up from her seat.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ron", she said and smiled at him before leaving. When the entrance had closed behind her Ron crossed his arm.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"We just wanted to talk to you. We've hardly seen you!" Hermione said and took a couple of steps towards him.

"Sounds like someone else I know", Ron responded. Hermione stiffened, her eyes turned red and wet and I knew Ron's words were a punch in the gut for her.

"Just give me a chance", Hermione pleaded. Ron stared at her.

"I think I'll leave you to it", I said and made towards the dormitory. They needed their privacy and truth be told it felt too weird if I'd stay. As if listening in on a private argument.

"No!" both Ron and Hermione said at the same time, both looking at me. So I stayed, awkwardly.

"Give me a chance, Ronald. I came back didn't I?" she said.

"I'm worth more", he said and I had the feeling Maxine told him this. "I'm worth more than a _bloody_ note. You know I've been there for you and we didn't let Harry leave on his own and then that's exactly what you did to us! You left Hermione, you were _gone_ and all we got was a note and a message saying you'd come back _here_ to Hogwarts but you were late. You were too bloody late."

"I'm sorry, okay! What do you want me to say?" Ron didn't meet her eyes.

"I don't trust you 'Mione", he said and the finality in his words were evident to all three of us. Hermione gasped and looked down at her feet, I scratched my arm awkwardly and Ron looked so young and hurt.

"And Maxine?" Hermione asked.

"She understands", Ron told us. Hermione nodded, tears streaming down her face and Ron stood up. "I'm going to bed now", he said and left us alone. Hermione dried her face with her shirtsleeves and sighed.

"I'm sorry" was the last thing Hermione said before she left for her own dormitory.

This was just brilliant. I stood alone, hands shoved inside my pockets, one of my hands came against something and I took it out. The card with the pink hippo.

Brilliant.

**(A/N) Hope you enjoyed that! Please leave a review, I read all.**

**And also please tell me what you think about Hermione/Ron! Thanks. :3**

**/: Zirijava xx**


	11. Sweet, Sweet Lies

**(A/N) I received a couple of questions about the magic of Pretend Friend, I hope I answer it through this chapter.**

**Chapter 11, Sweet, Sweet Lies**

The excitement was evident during the lunch. Blue and bronze and yellow and black covered most of Hogwarts. Even some reporters had come to school, though they had been tenting outside at the Quidditch field. Today was the day the first game of Quidditch would be played at Hogwarts since the Battle of Hogwarts.

Rumours has it that Kingsley Shacklebolt had come here to have a speech before the beginning of the game.

Neither Ravenclaw's or Hufflepuff's teams were at lunch, probably preparing themselves for the game which resulted in fewer students by the tables, though it was hardly noticeable because of the amount of sound that filled the Hall.

Almost everyone in the Hall seemed to be at a good mood, wearing the colours of either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Luna Lovegood was eating lunch, wearing the mascot of Ravenclaw: an eagle. I saw several Gryffindors wearing either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff colours. Ron, Dean and Neville wore Hufflepuff scarves. Even some Slytherins wore either blue or yellow scarves. I wonder what the other Slytherins thought about those with Hufflepuff. They weren't the minority, though, maybe it was a peace offering.

My eyes found Malfoy and it was odd. He sat at the opposite side of the Great Hall, not quite listening to Parkinson and Nott's discussion beside him. As if sensing my eyes on him he looked up and straight at me. His eyes were confused but not at all shocked and his hair looked just as perfect as always. He parted his lips. I swallowed and looked away.

Maybe I could blame it all on the magic of Pretend Friend. The tightness in my throat, the odd dreams –nightmares– I've had and the tingly feeling under my skin. Maybe all of that is because of the magic that bonds us. Malfoy and me. And maybe that's why I'm starting to get _thoughts_ but also maybe all boys finds other boys attractive, I mean it could be normal. I thought Cedric was handsome so it's nothing new, really. I suppose I know several of the blokes who are good-looking, doesn't mean anything, only that I have eyes.

"Ron", I hissed. He sat to my left and Hermione sat by my right at the Gryffindor table. Hermione glared at me.

"What?" Ron asked and turned to me, I gestured for him to bend closer so I could whisper to him. Maxine and the rest of the Hufflepuffs spent their lunch together in preparation for the big game against Ravenclaw, that was basically why Ron sat with us again.

"D'you think…–" I began but coughed, starting to second guess asking him. It wasn't a good idea. I wished Hermione or anyone would just snap me out of it, it was impulsive and stupid.

"Do I what?"

I closed my eyes and spoke as silently as I could. "Find other guys, you know, _attractive_?" Why did I have to ask? I mean I trusted Ron so it's not like that, I just didn't want him to get the wrong idea. Since, you know, I'm not gay.

When I opened my eyes to look at Ron he looked both terrified and amused. "Uhm, sure", he said uncomfortably and shrugged, his ears had turned red making me smile.

"Ah!" Seamus said and looked at the two of us amused. Hermione narrowed her eyes on him, not knowing what we had talked about, I presume. "Talking 'bout boys do yer?" Seamus looked smug and grinned mischievously. Ron's ears turned a deeper shade of red.

"We've got eyes", I said. "Hey, Seamus, your Pretend Friend's Zabini, right?" I asked.

" _Tend Friend_ ", Hermione corrected me but no one paid her no mind.

"Yeah", Seamus said.

"Has your view of him changed since, you know, you was paired with him?" Seamus eyed me oddly, as if trying to find out what I was getting at.

"Even though he's a Slytherin, he's alright. Just a bit uncomfortable that whole compliment thing", Seamus responded. "But, y'know, only when we've got eyecontact and such", he added and shrugged. So as not to compliment the git all I had to do was avoid eyecontact. That didn't seem too hard.

" _Harry_?" Hermione breathed from my side and I _knew_ she had caught on, I swear she could read my mind!

"Quidditch today, who're we rooting for?" I changed the subject but I felt Hermione's eyes on the side of my face. The discussion at the Gryffindor table turned into a debate about which team is the better. Seamus argued that Ravenclaw had more skills and strategy than Hufflpuff while Dean and Ron claimed that the Hufflepuff seeker would catch the Snitch first since Hufflepuffs are good finders and hard workers. Though Dean didn't say too much since he was going to be commentating the game.

Hermione kept out of the heated discussion while I was entertained by it. It took my mind off things but not entirely. You see, it wasn't only Hermione's eyes that glanced at me every so often, a pair of grey did, too. I don't know why but it made me smile.

* * *

Ron went ahead with the other Gryffindors to the stands as I walked with Hermione. The amount of journalists and reporters and cameras was a shock to me. They stood around the whole field in packs, making it almost difficult to reach the stands. A couple of them also wanted students to interview.

Sometimes Hermione's intelligence was annoying though today I'd have kissed her shoes. Well not literally, of course.

A reporter came towards the two of us. She made me face her with the strength of her hand. She stared at me intently.

"I'm sorry", she said and let go off me. "I thought I saw Harry Potter", she whispered and looked around.

"I am-", I began but Hermione placed her hand on my mouth.

"Maybe he's by the Honorary seats", Hermione offered and the reporter left with a thankful nod.

"What just happened?" I asked. That was the first reporter to not have recognized me, or taken me to be someone else. Hermione didn't answer, instead she started searching in her bookbag after something. She handed me a mirror.

"A glamour", Hermione explained. "So you wouldn't have to be forced to participate in an interview to make headlines."

"Hermione, you're brilliant, truly!", I smiled. She rolled her eyes at the praise but I could tell she was beaming. My nose was thicker, eyes brown and big and mouth smaller, I even had more freckles than Ron! "Is there even such a thing as an 'Honorary seat'?"

"Probably not." I snorted. "Let's just go to our seats, okay?"

"Sure", I responded and off we went.

As we walked to our seats I couldn't help looking out over the Quidditch field. It looked just like it had in First year when I made the team and choked on the Snitch during my first game. Just like it had in Second Year when I dueled against Malfoy on our brooms and Dobby sent that bludger on me resulting in first a broken arm and then a boneless arm. Like Third Year when I fell from the sky because of Dementors and when I sent a Patronus charm at Malfoy, disguised as a Dementor. Like in Fourth Year when I fought a dragon and barely got out alive. Why did I come back every year? Why did I stay loyal to the school and to Dumbledore? Because I loved magic but this time it was different. Everything was different.

We found our seats and the game began. It was quite distracting with all the flashing lights of cameras from around the field. One of the Hufflepuff's flew too close to the stands in order to catch the quaffle at the same time a camera flashed and she lost control of her broom. I can tell you McGonagall wasn't too pleased about it.

"Here comes O'Flaherty with the quaffle. A Ravenclaw is advancing on her. It's Davies, he's getting closer but he's no match to O'Flaherty who goes towards the left ring. Ravenclaw Keeper Page just made it to the left ring when O'Flaherty threw the ball through the middle! The whistle blows and it's now 30-20 for Hufflepuff, hardly fifteen minutes played", Dean commented. "Oh wait, looks like the last shot wasn't accepted as the Ravenclaw Seeker Sue Li had already caught the snitch. Ravenclaw wins!"

I stood up, as did most, to applaude the Ravenclaws and their Seeker. Amazing how fast she had been since no one, not even my dormmate Dean Thomas noticed. The Ravenclaws flew down to the pitch to congratulate each other and the flashes of cameras promised headlines for the days to come.

Hermione stood wide-eyed and stared down the pitch. I pat her on her shoulder but she didn't move.

"Hermione, what is it?" I asked but she still didn't move. She stared down at the celebrating Ravenclaws.

"S-sue Li", Hermione stuttered. I smiled at her.

"Brilliant, right?" Hermione turned to me with a smile and bend towards me.

"She's my Tend Friend", she whispered. I grinned and gripped her hand, almost running down the stand. "Harry, what are you doing?"

"Introducing you, of course", I responded. Hermione gasped and soon enough I knew why. We were close to the field now. Ron was out there chatting with Maxine O'Flaherty, probably telling her he thought she did terrifically in the game.

"I don't think it's a good idea", Hermione said and I sighed. "She's a Ravenclaw, if I talk to her now she must think it's because she's the hero of the game and I can't have that."

"Fine", I said. "Let's go back to the castle then." I started walking through the cheering crowd, thankfully this time the journalists were too preoccupied with the teams on the pitch to even spare me a glance.

"Harry", Hermione said from behind me. "Why haven't you gone to your Tend Friend yet?" I smiled.

"What makes you think I haven't?"

"Because you'd tell me." I swallowed. "Right?"

"Sure." I think she knew I lied, somehow she seemed to know but she didn't say anything. "Fancy going to see Hagrid?" I asked. It had been too long since I saw the Gamekeeper. I hadn't talked to him since I ran off the first day back.

"No. I think I have to head back to the Library. You know the Astronomy homework is due this week!" That's right. This year Professor Sinistra decided to let us create our own constellation. It sounds quite fun and easy but it's not. We had to think about the involing stars, the date and time the constellation can be seen and the history behind it. So the assignment involves three different parts, first to decide during which time period we'd want it visible, second to research and third to create the name and story. The better the story and background the better the grade. We got our star charts to draw the constellation on.

"Aren't you done?" I asked. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I still have to do some research for my story."

"You know the story is supposed to be made up, right?"

"Yes, but I want the stars to be involved in the story." Trust Hermione to make an assignment even more complicated than it has to be.

"Well, I'm still going to Hagrid's, and don't worry I'll just do it later". Hermione sighed frustrated but left for the castle as I made my way towards Hagrid's hut. What she didn't know was that I had all I needed for my assignment in my bag.

It was still only afternoon, the sun was up but the winds blew cold. I knocked on the big wooden door and Hagrid greeted me with a smile.

"S'been a while, eh", he said and I smiled apologetically at him.

"Sorry", I said. "Just been busy." Hagrid smiled at me.

"S'okay", he said and invited me inside. "What's on your mind?" Hagrid put on a kettle with water for tea.

"Hagrid, what do you know about the magic behind Pretend Friend?" I asked. Hagrid was quite a couple of seconds, seeming to be deep in thought.

"'Tend Friend' yer must mean." I nodded, rolling my eyes at the official term. "Don' know much." I sighed. "Why?" I looked out the window as Hagrid put down two cups of tea on the round table between us.

"Do you think there's some risks if, let's say, two _Tend Friends_ touch?" Hagrid was silent, sipping his tea. I smiled to myself thinking about Dumbledore in his office.

"Touch?" Hagrid asked. I swallowed.

"Like, I don't know, _kiss_?" I wanted to close my eyes but I kept them wideopened, staring out the window. "Do you think there'd be side effects to that, because of the magic bond?" I reached for my tea and took a mouthful of the hot liquid, almost burning my tongue.

"Depends on the side'ffects." Please don't make me say it. "What d'yer have in mind?"

" _Feelings_ ", I said between gritted teeth.

"'omantic feelin's?" he asked and I nodded. Hagrid shook his head. "No, impossible", the giant announced. "The magic only magnifies." Well, _shit_.

Magnifies.

 _Magnifies_! What is _that_ supposed to mean? Hermione would have a field day if she was here.

"May I ask yer who?" I took another mouthful of the strong tea. "Yer kno' yer can trus' me." I closed my eyes.

"It's just hypothetical", I lied. Hagrid leaned back in his chair and looked at me before taking another sip from his cup. I sighed. "It's Ron", I said. "He seems pretty close to his Tend Friend and I worry about Hermione."

"O'course", he said. "I don' know, yer hav' ter talk ter Ron 'bout it. Tell 'im how yer feel."

"I'm not gay." Hagrid chuckled.

"O'course not, yer know blokes can talk 'bout feelin's without bein' gay. Jus' tell 'im yer worried."

"Yeah, okay." I swallowed and turned my head to the window. The sun was on its way down. I remembered back in first year when I had sat there in the hut with Ron, Hermione and Hagrid and I had turned my head, just as now, only to see Malfoy looking back at me. That was a long time ago. So I can only say I was surprised when I saw his face just now, but this time he didn't look at me. He was walking towards the lake.

I rose from the chair without a second thought. "Sorry, Hagrid but I have to go", I said. Hagrid told me not to worry and that I'd know where I could find him.

I almost ran to catch up with the Slytherin. "Hey", I said. Malfoy turned around and eyed me warily.

"Hello?" he said but it sounded more like a question. I swore to myself for not thinking, sometimes I was such a Gryffindor. Act before you think, some'd think I'd learn to sometime!

I wasn't completely certain how to go about a decent conversation with the Slytherin prick. Prat! I blushed but I didn't know why. Malfoy raised a brow.

"What's up?" I asked. Malfoy crossed his arms.

" _'What's up'_?" he repeated mockingly.

"Screw you", I said, I felt the magic making me smile and say the words nicely and slowly. Malfoy smirked at me before opening his mouth, probably to say something snarky or inappropriate. I wouldn't let him. "I was just trying to be decent."

"Decent?" he asked. "Since when did you have to try?" He looked rather pleased with himself.

"Since when did you have to like me?" I countered. He glared at me before turning around and walking away. " _Malfoy_!" but he didn't stop. I sighed and ran to catch up with him.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" he sighed.

"Because you don't want me to." He turned his head to glare at me but failed. We just ended up staring at each other. I was afraid one of us would say something uncomfortably nice to the other so I coughed, remembering what Seamus said about eye contact. "How's Astronomy going for you?" He sighed with something akin to relief, maybe he was worried he might say something, too.

"Almost done actually", he said, shrugging. "You?"

"Same", I lied and imediately I started shaking. "Haven't started yet", I gasped. I really hate the magic behind Pretend Friend, I _really_ do! Malfoy seemed entertained, though.

"Good luck, Potter", Malfoy said and turned ahead again, we were getting closer to the lake now. It sparkled and for a while I just forgot the war and the pain and the merpeople and saving Ron and the Dementors and Sirius. I forgot everything but where I was standing watching the sparkling, peaceful lake as it reflected the sky.

"It's beautiful", I said. Malfoy turned to look at me and I did the same. My eyes looked into his. "You're-"

"Don't finish that sentence!" he warned. I closed my mouth abruptly before looking away and sighing.

"Sorry, Malfoy, don't think it works that way." I clenched my fists, body shivering, head spinning. I wanted to vomit.

"Fine", he said between gritted teeth, closing his eyes.

"You're beautiful", I said. he sighed.

"Now we sound like a bunch of girls." I laughed. Malfoy smiled at me, a genuine smile but it only lasted a couple of seconds. "We're not friend,s Potter." He stated.

"No, we're not", I agreed. "Friends don't kiss." Malfoy looked away. I swallowed. "I don't care if you're gay." But I'm not.

"I think we just stated that we're not friends, Potter. So don't act like we are and go back to your insults and remarks."

"You know I can't do that." He looked abrupty at me, eyes wide.

"So, it's true then", he said. "We're…" I nodded.

"If you ever call me that I will…" I said. Malfoy seemed to understand what I was getting at.

"Same", he said and smirked.

"How come you came back this year?" I asked. It was just one of these things I had wondered since coming back to Hogwarts. Malfoy just looked at me, his grey eyes calculating, pale face miscoloured orange because of the falling sun and his hair flowing with the wind. I told him something, I felt my mouth moving but I couldn't register the words that left. He looked at me a second longer before opening his mouth and I thought he was going to comment what I said that the magic made me say but he didn't.

"I hadn't planned it", he answered. "But McGonagall can be pretty persuasive when she want", Malfoy smirked, looking away at the lake before sitting down in front of it. I sat down too.

"McGonagall convinced you to return?" I asked. "Why?" Malfoy shrugged.

"She said something about that this time something was in it for me, that I'd _gain_ something but she didn't tell me what, that impossible witch." I laughed and he smiled. "I can show you mine if you show me yours", he said. My eyes widened, throat getting thick and face red. Malfoy started laughing. "The Astronomy assignment, of course", he said and smirked.

"You did that on purpose", I accused.

"But of course", Malfoy said and started chuckling. "You should have seen your face!" I glared at him.

"Fine", I said. Malfoy froze, staring at me with wide eyes. I picked up my star chart from my book bag and handed it to him. "Astronomy of course." Malfoy took the parchment and rolled his eyes.

"Of course", he said before handing his own to me. I was basically done!

"What is it called?" I asked, staring down at the dots and the lines between them. In the middle was one jagged line, from which came more jagged lines. It reminded me a bit of an upride-down tree.

"Tonitrus", Malfoy responded.

"Tonitrus? Why?" He shrugged.

"Sounds latin." I nodded.

"Yeah it does."

"What about yours?" Malfoy asked looking down at my star chart.

"I don't know yet."

"You only have one dot on your chart!" I smiled at the lake again.

"Yeah", I said. "Sirius." I knew I wanted the star to be involved someway, he was my Godfather.

"The Siriusstar? Shouldn't be surprised you pick the brightest looking star!" he said. "You know, apart from the Sun."

We sat there for a while more until we decided it was getting late. Malfoy asked if I wanted help but I told him I'd manage on my own. "Suit yourself", he had said then.

I left first, Malfoy had told me to, and when I was in the safety of the castle he'd leave, too. It was empty and dark, mostly, as I walked the stairs up to the seventh floor.

"Harry", a voice said from behind me. I turned around to face a tall, pale redhead. I stared at him wide eyed. "I'd like to see my brother", Fred said.


	12. Starstruck and Imagination

**Chapter 12, Starstruck and Imagination**

 

I was sitting alone at breakfast just lost in my own thoughts, ”as usual”, some would say. And perhaps they’re right, though it wasn’t my fault there were so many infuriating things to think about. When Hermione joined me just minutes later she asked me about them. My thoughts.

 

”A knut for your thoughts”, she had said.

 

”Don’t think they’re worth a galleon?” I asked but she only rolled her eyes before sitting down and leaning towards me.

 

”It’s another nightmare, isn’t it?” she asked. I didn’t asnwer.

 

”Hermione, when will you tell us what happend in Australia?” She looked away, biting her bottomlip while filling her plate with porridge. For a while I’d swear she’d start crying. ”I mean you found your parents, and they remember you. I don’t see why you’re not telling.” She sighed, closing her eyes.

 

”You know the only cure for memoryloss is torture”, she responded. I gasped.

 

”Hermione, sorry I didn’t – _wait_! Do you mean you… _you_ – you _tortured_ them?” Hermione suddenly looked me right in the eye.

 

”Of course not”, she said. ”Don’t be so foolish, Harry.”

 

”So?” Hermione sighed again, this time out of frustration.

 

” _So_ ”, she began. ”I made them remember me, yes, and not thorugh physical torture. Now, care to tell me what you were doing by the lake with Malfoy yesterday?” She had a mad glint in her eyes. I coughed on my treacle tart. ”Don’t think I didn’t notice”, she said and beamed.

 

I shrugged.

 

”Oh, Harry!” She said and I knew she had read something into it.

 

”Don’t”, I warned. ”Or I’ll turn you into a toad or something.” Hermione giggled.

 

When Hermione some seconds after had sobered up and started eating her porridge –instead of using it as if it was just decorating her plate– she said, ”Just be careful, Okay?” I never found out what she meant as Dean and Neville came at us.

 

”Hullo”, they said and sat down. I turned to Dean as he started picking some eggs and scones.

 

”Where’s Seamus?” I asked.

 

Dean started chuckling with an extremely entertained look on his face. Then he leaned towards me to whisper, ” _Pretend Friend_ made him say something _infuriatingly cute_ to _Zabini_ and now he’s gone off to McGonagall to complain.” I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. Hermione glared at the two of us.

 

”What did he _say_!?” I asked. Dean grinned.

 

”Now, I can’t tell you that.” And then he winked. I gaped.

 

”Oh, Merlin.” I whispered and Dean nodded, turning back to his food. I made a mental note to ask Malfoy if he knew what Seamus had told Zabini.

 

”I know, glad I’m not paired with a Slytherin”, he admitted. ”If one of them would compliment me I’d have nightmares for _months_!” I laughed and agreed, because I _had_ had nightmares because of Pretend Friend, though Dean didn’t have to know about that.

 

”Where’s Ron?” Neville chirped in seconds later. Both him and me turned to Dean, as did Hermione though she pretended not to care.

 

Dean frowned. ”Don’t know, probably went along with Seamus for moral support.”

 

”He sure need it”, I said and Dean laughed again in agreement.

 

Just as the lot of us went to the Dungeons for Potions class, both Ron and Seamus appeared. Seamus was a bright red. Dean cackled and ruffled the sandy hair as Seamus told him to ”bugger off!” and crossed his arms like a petulant child. Dean started instead teasing his best friend with a silky and seductive voice, making Seamus go redder. At the moment I was laughing along though soon I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Seamus; if Dean only knew the way Seamus looked at him. It made me feel bad for the bloke.

 

”I’ve heard you’re a natural at pyrotechnics, cause you put my heart on fire”, Dean teased, placing a hand over his chest dramtically. We all laughed because, well, fire was Seamus’s middle name. Even Hermione giggled at the joke.

 

”Oh, shut up”, Seamus said and shoved Dean away from him, though he was grinning too.

 

Slughorn announced that this lesson would be spent in the same groups as the last, when all students had entered the classroom.

 

I picked up my book bag and went directly to Malfoy’s table. ”Hullo, Malfoy”, I said as I put down my bag.

 

”Civil, are we?” he sneered. I rolled my eyes, telling myself it was probably just an act on his part, I brushed it aside.

 

”Harry”, Slughorn said and came towards me. ”I’d not usually make exceptions, though Harry, you’re not quite like the others. If you want to switch partner I’ll allow a group of three.” Malfoy tensed next to me.

 

I smiled politely. ”I’m sorry, Professor”, I began. ”But I don’t quite understand why I’d want to as I’m already paired with the best potionsmaker in school.” Slughorn stared wide eyed at me before telling the class what page to turn to.

 

Malfoy had been staring at me since I told Slughorn off. ”You know what you were insinuating, right?” he asked. I opened the Potion’s book, a small smile on my lips, though Malfoy didn’t have to know about that. He was leaning towards me, I felt the warmth of him coming closer to me. ”That Slughorn’s not better than me.”

 

”If there were such a thing as duels in potionsmaking”, I said and turned to the correct page. ”You’d win”, I finished and walked away from the table.

 

”Where are you going?” Malfoy hissed, when I turned to look at him I was pleased to see that colour painted his cheeks red, though I could tell he pretended he hadn’t noticed.

 

I smiled. ”Well, ingredients, of course”, I said and turned around again. He probably thought Pretend Friend had made me say it, he’ll never have to know the truth. I smirked.

 

We spent all of the lesson making the ”imagination” potion, which would be almost like hallucinating when drinking it, though it’s not addictive. This time _I_ had to drink, since Malfoy drank the last one.

 

”Hit me if I do something stupid”, I told him.

 

”You drinking a hallucinationg potion, _of course_ you’ll do something stupid.” I glared at him but drank it nevertheless.

 

I was suddenly walking down a corridor, Malfoy was right next to me. He told me something funny because suddenly I was laughing. The nightsky was above us, full of glittering stars. We continued walking and the Mirror of Erised stood before me but I didn’t see myself through it, I saw Malfoy standing opposite me, he was slowly raising his wand.

 

” _I had to_ ”, he cried. _”Or he would’ve killed me_ ”. He dropped his wand, I walked towards him, pressed my hands to the mirrorglass. I knocked on the glass as hard as I could, as if expecting it to crumble and letting me thorugh. Malfoy was crying as he fell to the floor in a mess of black, white and red. Almost like a puddle. _Disturbing_.

 

 _”I’m sorry”_ , I said. _”I never wanted you to die for me_ ” and then I felt something wet on my lips. I touched it.

 

It was blood.

 

I looked at the mirror again, this time it was Sirius Black staring down at me, standing on the moon. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at me with sad eyes. He turned into a small black dog. A puppy. A little boy played with him, at first I thought it was me but then I realised it was dad.

 

Blood kept trailing down my face, dripping down my chin to my chest. I dragged my palm against it and looked down at the red. A fierce pain shot through my head making me scream.

 

Two eyes were staring madly up at me. Words I knew by heart was spoken again.

 

” _The Boy Who Lived, come to die._ ”

 

When I woke up it was already dark, Ron sat next to me and I laid in a bed in the Hospital Wing.

 

”Harry!” he said relieved. ”Scared us mad, did you!”

 

”Sorry”, I said. ”How long was I out for?”

 

”Ten hours, so’s not that bad. Only worried us sick, Hermione’s barely left your side and _Malfoy_ ’s been in here, too, though he leaves as fast as he sees I’m here. That Slimey git’s probably here to continue what he started. As if a detention’s not enough for him.”

 

I stared at Ron. ”What are you on about?”

 

”Malfoy”, he said. ”He hit you, while you were under the spell. He broke your nose!” I stared at Ron, mouth open. So that’s where the blood came from. ”Slughorn gave him a detention and took _fifty_ points from Slytherin. Potions was never this fair when Snape had it.”

 

”But”, I wanted to say. ”It’s not _fair_. I asked him to, it wasn’t _his_ fault. Well not _only_.” But I didn’t say it. ”Isn’t Maxine expecting you?” I asked instead. ”You’re rather close.” I shrugged.

 

”Hermione left, I just need some time to adjust is all.”

 

”It taked a couple of days or maybe weeks to do that, Ron. Not bloody _months_!”

 

”She left with nothing but a note and then comes back thinking everything’s the same, it’s not.”

 

There were so many things I wanted to say, tell him it wasn’t easy for Hermione and to see it from her perspective for once. ”Where’s Hermione?” I asked instead. Ron looked dissapointed.

 

”I’ll go get her”, he said. ”She’s probably worried sick.

 

”Ron!” I shouted when he was almost by the entrance. He turned around to look at me. ”You’re still my best mate, you know that.” He smiled at me and nodded.

 

”Yeah”, he said and then he left to get Hermione.

 

So Malfoy had done as I asked, he had hit me, which meant I had probably done something foolish. He even got himself a _detention_ for it! I thought about the hallucination again, wondering what it meant and then thinking it didn’t mean anythin _because_ it was in fact just a hallucination. Memories and dreams turned into one imaginative thing.

 

”Harry”, Hermione walked as fast as she could towards me and I could swear she wanted to hug me but I was glad she didn’t. ”How are you feeling?”

 

”Fine”, I said. ”What happend?”

 

”Didn’t Ron tell you?” she asked. ”Oh, well. One second you were laughing like a mad man and the next you were muttering something about dying, you held out your arms grabbed Malfoy by his shoulders and started _hitting_ him. That’s when he hit you.” I closed my eyes and sighed. ”He was quite brilliant, actually ”, she continued. I opened my eyes to see her smiling.

 

”Why?”

 

”Well until Slughorn stunned him, of course, but before that –”

 

”Slughorn _what_!?” I suddenly sat upright on my bed. Hermione looked schocked but shook it off fast enough.

 

”He wanted to carry you here.”

 

”Slughorn?”

 

Hermione rolled her eyes. ” _No_ ”, she said. ”Malfoy. He bent down to pick you up when Slughorn asked what he was doing and then he stunned him. Malfoy spent quite a while down here with you, actually, before he woke up. He’s been down here, too, after Pomfrey told him to go.”

 

I swallowed and laid down again.

 

”Are you sure you’re alright?” Hermione asked.

 

”Never been better”, I lied but she only rolled her eyes. Both of us heard a sound coming from the corridor and, looking towards it, I saw two grey eyes staring at me. I looked back at Hermione.

 

”I’ll leave you”, she said but when she rose Malfoy had already gone. She sighed and turned back to me. ”Harry what’s going on?”

 

”What do you mean?”

 

”You know what I mean.”

 

I sighed. ”Nothing”, I said.

 

Hermione smiled at me though I knew that she knew that I lied. Something was very clearly going on, I just didn’t want to know what. ”I’ll leave now, you should rest. You have Quidditch practice in two hours and I think Pomfrey’d want you to rest a bit more before letting you go. Even though you’re nose has healed as good as it can.” And then she left.

 

I woke an hour later to find Madame Pomfrey standing beside me looking at me sternly.

 

”Now, Potter”, she began. ”I thought I’d already seen the last of you.” I smiled.

 

”Sorry”, I said.

 

”Well, off you go then.”

 

And that I did.

 

I went to the Gryffindor Tower to get my Quidditch clothes and broomstick. With all the necessities I left for the Quidditch pitch, changing with the team.

 

”Nose okay, Harry?” Seamus asked.

 

”Yeah”, I said.

 

”Almost thought you were going to hug Malfoy there for a while”, Dean grinned.

 

”Nothing wrong with hugging another bloke”, I said, hoping Dean’d catch on. He stopped in his tracks.

 

”Of course not”, he said. ”Harry, I _know_ that and that wasn’t the point and you know it.” He pointed at me as he said it and then he left for the pitch –shaking his head– with the rest of us.

 

When we were out on the pitch I felt the weather getting worse, rain hung in the air. I turned to look at the stands to see the usual set of Slytherins, though today they were absent.

 

”Seamus?” I asked.

 

”Hmm?” He said and went towards me.

 

”Exactly what did you say to Zabini?” Neither Zabini or Malfoy were watching us, I was a little bit disappointed about that. Just a little bit, mind you.

 

Seamus didn’t tell me. ”Bugger off”, he said instead and blushed scarlet. Dean was staring at us.

 

Before everyone had even positioned themselves the rain fell and thunder drummed, but we didn’t stop. I told the team we had to practise in all the different types of weather even though we might not like it.

 

Everyone was sore and dripping when we went to the locker rooms to change again.

 

”Already showered”, Dean joked, spreading his arms to show that there wasn’t one patch of dry fabric on him.

 

”Okay, smelly”, Ron said and wrinkled his nose. The rest of the team laughed at Dean’s sudden expression.

 

When I went to bed that night I couldn’t help but remember my hallucination and then what both Ron and Hermione had told me. Malfoy had punched me and then wanting to _carry_ me to the Hospital Wing only to get stunned, lose House points _and_ get a detention from Slughorn. Why did Malfoy do that? Everything’s been so weird lately.

 

The morning after I sat with my head resting on a hand by the Gryffindor table trying to enjoy my breakfast when Hermione ran towards me, though I did not see her but I knew it was her. It had been her all those previous breakfasts so of course it was her this, too. I knew what she’d tell me when I say what was on my mind this time. ”It’s because he likes you, Harry.” Rubbish is what it is. Just some girl fantasy having a gay best friend, and that’s what it was. A fantasy.

 

I sighed. ”I’m not in the mood, Hermione”, I said but when I looked up I didn’t see the big, brown, bushy hair or Hermione’s large eyes, instead I saw a boy with flaming red hair and freckles. He was frantically waving a letter in his hand, staring at me.

 

”I just got a letter from mom”, he said, staring wide-eyed at me. He was pale almost white, making his freckles stand out horribly. ”George has finally done it!”

 

”Done what?”

 

”He’s _entered the shop_!”

 

I gaped at Ron and then I smiled. ”He has!” So it had worked then? Of course I hadn’t told Ron about my encounter with his brother, well not becuase I didn’t _want_ to but because of Fred. He asked me to help him talk to George, he didn’t want me to say a word about him to Ron, which felt weird. But I still brought Fred into the Gryffindor Tower – everyone else was fast asleep so it was safe– and I let him Firecall George. He wanted be alone to do it, told me he needed me to call since he couldn’t do magic anymore. When I later came down to check on him he was gone, as if I had imagined it all.

 

Ron frowned at me. ”You knew”, he said.

 

”What?”

 

”You knew he’d enter didn’t you?”

 

I shook my head. ”Of course not”, I lied. ”Just glad he’s finally done it. Maybe you drank that ’imagination’ potion ’cause you’re imagining things.” I picked up a scone and took a bite from it.

 

Ron sighed and sat down. ”You’re probably right”, he admitted. ”I just can’t believe he’s done it! After all this time I never thought he’d ever enter again. I mean I hoped so, not even Lee or Angelina could drag him inside and suddenly he just _walks_ in himself! Barking mad is what he is.” Ron chuckled and started putting egg and bacon on his plate, eating like a pig. The sight made me smile.

 

”What’re yours and Maxine’s plans for today?” I asked.

 

Ron turned to look at me, a bit of bacon poked out from between his lips. He swallowed. ”You can ask me, it’s okay.”

 

So I did. ”Are you and Maxine…?”

 

Ron smiled down at his plate before shaking his head. ”She’s absolutely brilliant, but…”, he started laughing. ”Just, no, okay.”

 

”Okay.”

 

”And actually, I know she has eyes for someone else.” This made Ron laugh even harder. I wondered who it was. I wonder what Hermione’d say?

 

A while later she joined us, announcing she wanted my help finding her Pretend Friend.

 

”Who’s it?” asked Ron.

 

Hermione glared at him. ”Sue Li”, I answered and Hermione turned to glare at me instead, then she crossed her arms.

 

”The Ravenclaw Seeker.”

 

Ron nodded as if impressed. ”Well, introduce me sometime, maybe. Maxine’s expecting me so, gotta run.” Hermione sighed and sat down as fast as he was gone.

 

”Where shall we start?” I asked.

 

”Huh?”

 

”To search for your Pretend Friend.”

 

”Oh, right. I thought we could search for my _Tend Friend_ by the Library after class”, she said. ”But first, how’s it going for you’re Astronomy assignment?”

 

”Bullocks!”, I breathed. I had forgotten about.

 

Hermione smiled kindly at me. ”No problem, I’ll help you.”

 

We went to the Kitchen to grab some fruit and sandwiches before going to the Gryffindor Tower. Hermione helped me with my star chart and story. She was so brilliant I was finished before Defence Against the Dark Arts even began. Astronomy was the lesson after.

 

Professor Trimble was still not in a good mood, glaring at the lot of us as if we’re insulting her and her life’s work. She _never_ shuts up about her life’s work, beginning every DADA lesson with stories about her trips and encounters with Dark witches and wizards. Hermione, and all the Ravenclaws –Hermione kept glancing to Sue Lie who sat at the other side of the classroom– seemed to be quite interested while the rest of us were yawning. There was too little time in between DADA and Astronomy for us to apporach her so we waited.

 

The whole of Astronomy was used for the students to present their very own constellation as short as possible, so naturally Hermione spoke until Professor Sinistra found it necessary to ask her to stop. When it was my turn I just went in front of the class, told them my constellation’s name was ”Praedonum”, which was –according to Hermione– latin for ”the Marauders”. The stars used formed an ”M” where the middle star was the Siriusstar, the brightest star on the sky. ”Apart from the sun”, I remembered Malfoy saying. I looked around the classroom until I locked eyes with him and he smiled at me. Then I went back to my seat.

 

Malfoy was among the last to present his constellation. I remebered it from that night by the lake. ”Tonitrus”. He drew lines with his wand above us so that we could see it. In the middle was one jagged line, from which came more jagged lines. I still thought it looked like an upside-down tree.

 

”Funny, isn’t it?” Hermione said on our way to the Library after class. ”That Malfoy’s constellation was about you.”

 

I rolled my eyes. ”Lay off it.”

 

”I’m serious. First of all, the _name_!” She started giggling. ”’Tonitrus’ is you _scar_ , Harry! Thunder. And the form of it was that, too. Not a perfect match, but still pretty good.”

 

”You’re reading too much into it. It’s all in your imagination”, I said.

 

”Then _imagine_ it!” she said. ”Just let yourself do that, there’s nothing wrong with it.” She was wrong. Imagining things would only hurt you in the long run.

 

When we entered the Library the first thing I saw was Joanna with another Hufflepuff girl. If you don’t remember Joanna, let me freshen up your memory. She was the girl I kissed to prove to Hermione that Malfoy hadn’t kissed me.

 

And we all know how that turned out?

 

”Hullo, Harry”, she said and smiled as she and her friend walked past us.

 

”She seems quite alright considering you broke her heart.”

 

I glared at Hermione. ”Let’s just find your _friend_ and be done for.”

 

It was easier than I had thought because not so far away we heard a couple of Ravenclaws discussing a book with a Hufflepuff, and it wasn’t just any book, mind you.

 

”Oh, please. Have you even _read_ ’Hogwarts: A History’?” Hermione paled. I shoved her towards the discussing Ravenclaws and Hufflepuff.

 

” _Yes_ , I have!”, said a Hufflepuff girl. ”I’m not stupid,”

 

”Then you should know that Rowena Ravenclaw created the moving staircases in case Hogwarts would be infiltrated and that–”

 

”Godric Gryffindor once used them to confuse Salazar Slytherin”, Hermione filled in.

 

Sue Lie turned to her. ”Once?” she asked.

 

Hermione blushed. ”It’s only been documented that Gryffindor did it once, though it’s most probable it has happend more times than that though Slytherin did not dare others found out fo fear it would damage his image.”

 

”I’m Sue”, said Sue Lie.

 

”Hermione Granger”, Hermione answered.

 

”I know”, Sue Lie smiled. ”Want to sit with us?”

 

Hermione turned to send me an apologetic look but I only smiled at her. When she had sat down I turned around to leave the Library, though something hit the back of my head. I turned around to pick it up, it was a crumbled piece of parchment. I unfolded it, as I read it I couldn’t help but smile. I looked up into his eyes and nodded.

 

Maybe it’s okay to imagine sometimes?


	13. A Dragon's Tale

**(A/N) This chapter is entirely from Draco's POV.**

**Chapter 13, A Dragon's Tale**

When I saw him in the Library I also saw my chance, I ripped a part of my parchment and wrote on it. When I was done I spelled it so that for anyone other than Potter or me would read it, it would say, "Potter Stinks", just like it had in Fourth Year.

For a while I was afraid I'd done the spell wrong, maybe he couldn'y _read_ it, the way I had meant for him to, but when he smiled at my note I knew he read it perfectly because then he looked up, we locked eyes and he nodded. I didn't know how long I'd be able to hold his brilliant eyes as he smiled at me without doing the same. I held my face cool and inexpressive.

When he turned around and left, I knew I'd see him in the Tower by midnight, as that's where I asked him to meet me. I still hadn't decided to go. Could serve him right in a way, couldn't it? Him waiting at the tower. I could do as I had in First Year, told one of the Professor's that Potter would be out of bed in the middle of the night, probably hand him a detention as well. I could do that. Would serve him right, though I'm not entirely certain what for. What has he done? It's not his fault his existence bothers me or how I've hated myself for _years_ because I couldn't stop thinking about _stuff_. Or about _him_. Potter. It always had to be Potter, hadn't it? "The Chosen One". Well, I never did choose him, that's for sure, but a part of me did. I've had a war against that bloody part for _years_ , mind you. I would cut out my heart if I could, if it'd mean Potter's eyes and hair and _existence_ wouldn't bother me when I was trying to sleep. Maybe I'd finally be rid off it once and for all. Maybe it would serve _me_ right.

Maybe Father would've been proud of me if I could've finished Potter off. Maybe not in the way _I_ had wanted, but I had never had a choice so what difference would it make? I would've ridden the world of Saint Potter as I always thought I would but instead he almost ridded the world of _me_.

How could I still _like_ him after what he had done to me in our Sixth Year? The first time I wasn't trying to get his attention he sought it, as if he missed me, but I knew I was wrong. He thought I was up to something when in reality I was as down as I've ever been.

I almost gave myself away once though, during Second Year. Dobby and I had worked so hard on that bloody poem I couldn't let the Golden Trio find out it was in fact _Draco Malfoy_ who had written it and not innocent, little Ginny. Though how Hermione did not think it weird that Ginny'd write "the Dark Lord" I'd never know, but I, however, thanked Merlin for it for the rest of the year.

Though this year I know I gave myself away for good. But you have to understand that I've tried every single cure I could think of, I made him hate me, drained potions, tried jinxes, I even tried _wanking_ it away! Though nothing helped, I was doomed to suffer alone. Then came one of my brilliant ideas. Or rather _Pansy's_. She had told me, when we were at our compartment in the Hogwarts Express, that " _just kiss him and be done for!_ ".

And I did.

 _Twice_.

It only helped making everything worse, because now that I knew, now that I actually _had_ I wanted more. I could live with knowing it would never happen, not even trying it, but having tried made it worse. You would never know what you miss out on if you never even try because sometimes imagination doesn't even take you halfway. And kissing Potter was more than satisfactory.

"You've been wanting it for so long, now that you've actually tried it you'll realise it wasn't worth the fuss", Pansy had told me after I had drunk the "Pause Potion" and kissed Potter, as she had adviced. "Or you can lure him into an empty classroom and have your way with him. Maybe _that_ would make your ickle heart stop beating for the hero. The sooner you realise that it won't happen, the better."

But I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had. I could insult him, yes, but never physically harm him. Not even when I was supposed to, unless I absolutely _had_ to but then again, I wouldn't do as good as I could.

I hated him.

I hated him for so many things I even started a list in my First Year. The first thing on the list was his scar, and then his eyes, and then his luck because he didn't have to be afraid all the damn time. Because he was _loved_ and _adored_. I didn't know what that felt like so I was jealous, yes. I knew my parents loved me in their own way but I didn't know what it felt like to be seen, _really seen_. Seen for who I was, for what I wanted and not for the colour of my hair, not for the colour of my robes, not for who my Father was.

I always seemed to be seen for who my Father was.

Everyone expected that of me without even asking. Calling me "Lucius Malfoy's son" and I grew up hearing the malice in those words, but it made me stronger. It made me who I am.

When I was standing in that robe shop "Madam Malkin's" I had a chance to change it. Neither of my parents were around and in came a boy and I remember it so clearly it still hunted my dreams sometimes.

* * *

It had been a normal morning in the Manor. It was just a few weeks left before I'd go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry even though Father rather wanted me in Durmstrang. Mother could be a very stubborn and pursuasive witch when she wanted to, and it's because of her that I would attend Hogwarts with the worst headmaster in years, according to Father.

As I sat up in bed I noticed the old book I'd read last night. "The Legends of Tonitrus". It was one of my favourite classics, given to me by my grandfather Abraxas Malfoy.

Tonitrus was most known for his hanging garden. Maybe you're familiar with "the Hanging Garden of Babylon"? The Syrian king who built it was inspired by the roman Tonitrus' work in Ancient Europe and out of jealousy destroyed "Tonitrus' Hanging Garden" which actually _was_ a hanging garden, unlike Babylon's.

You see, Tonitrus was a Pure Blood wizard. _Just like me._

The old novel contained several illustrations from how the legendary garden with it's levitating flowers and bushes. The most famous, and my personal favourite, was the "Hanging Tree". It was said to be a humongous white Oaktree that hung from the enchanted glass ceiling. The legend states that muggles and mages alike visited the garden to witness the magnificent Oaktree. Some couples carved their names or initials into the bark.

Mother told me once when I was smaller that Tonitrus' garden hasn't been found yet but is said to be somewhere in Europe though no one knows where it was more specifically, most argue that it's nothing more than a Legend but Mother taught me to believe in miracles.

Maybe Father had asked her to read the legend to me in hope I'd find it someday. "Tonitrus' Hanging Garden". Maybe he hoped my grandchildren would grow up hearing stories about me instead of that Harry Potter.

I already knew the boy was destined for everything Father had wished for me. Fame. Fortune. Power.

I had none of that myself, not without Father, not without my hair or name and it would still not be as much as the boy. As far as I knew anyways. He was a legend before he could walk. What do I have, to compete with that?

A pop followed by a squeking voice made me put down the book again.

"Dobby is here to tell young Master Draco, sir, that Master Malfoy is awaiting you, Master Draco, at breakfast, sir", Dobby said in his usual high-pitched tone to which I had grown accostumed.

"Thank you Dobby", I said as I hid a huge yawn with one hand and rubbed my eyes with the other.

"Is young Master Draco wanting anything else from Dobby, sir?" the elf asked curiously as he stepped closer to me. I eyed him for a moment with a small smile tugging at my lips.

"No need to be so formal, Dobby, Father isn't here. You are safe in my room", I responded and Dobby offered me a nervous smile, tugging at one of his large ears.

"One never knows, sir", Dobby responded in a low voice and sounded rather scared and insecure, as if Father would walk in right then and there. Even though I was more than aware of what Father did to him I pretended I didn't. Father argues that true power comes from fear. If no one fears the Malfoy's, then no one will respect us and we won't have the upper hand.

Father is good at that, having control, being feared. No one wants to get in his way, no one dares insult him. Not even his family. I'm proud that he's my Father, it's awesome walking in Diagon Alley with him having everyones attention and seeing them stiffen at the sight of us. It made me feel powerful, I couldn't imagine how it made Father feel. He loves power so much his boggart would be someone taking it from him.

"I won't let him, you know that", I reassured Dobby and reached out to put a hand on his boney shoulder in a friendly gesture. I just hoped the house-elf believed me more than I myself did.

"You is needing to go to breakfast now, young Master Draco, sir, before Master Malfoy gets suspicious", the elf stated and I obligued.

Breakfast started as innocent as every other time. Father was sitting on the far end of the long table in our Dining Hall with Mother by his right hand-side and me on the opposite side. The meal was a quiet affair as we all ate the plates the five Malfoy house-elves had prepared. Mother was sitting with a novel by her side, and I knew better than to try to make a conversation with her about our shared literatural interest. It never ended well with Father.

It was just as I took my last spoon-ful of porridge that the silence was broken.

"Since you'll be attending Hogwarts School in four weeks time, I have prepared to take you to Diagon Alley to acquire your school-supplies tomorrow after breakfast", Father said with eyes that froze me to the spot. Father's eyes were cold and had always resembled ice that sent shivers through my spine but I never let it show. Nobody could lie like a pure-blood, but a pure-blood. I sent back a look as cold and emotionless as Father's even though I had yet to master the infamous "Malfoy Mask" that Father insisted I'd learn before the start of term. Merlin knew I was going to need it.

We had a lot of enemies, a few people to trust. _Allies_. In the end what mattered most was who had the advantage over the other. If someone knew something about you, something you didn't want them to know, you wouldn't have a choice but be loyal to them unless your secret comes out. In my case, literally.

"Yes, Father". The two words I said almost by reflex now, after years where I were to say those two words every time I spoke after being spoken to by Father. Or else _._

_Or else._

Father looked pleased before looking slightly behind me and lifted his chin.

The next morning started mostly the same as the previous, with the exception of the joy I felt for _finally_ leaving the Manor. And due to the lightness in my whole body the breakfast seemed less tense than usual, even though nothing had changed.

After breakfast Father had set to work on my hair, he spell-gelled it back from my forehead so that my hair was slicked back. Father said I should wear it like that so I did, even when he wouldn't know, because I knew that he'd find out if I didn't. Severus Snape would tell him since he'll be one of my school professors. Father already tells me Severus'll be my Head of House as if it's written in the stars that I'm in Slytherin.

I thinks that's the difference so far between me and the Boy Who Lived, he doesn't have star constellation named after him. Some would argue that I don't either but I don't care, it's as close I am to ever getting one. I don't deserve a constelletion yet, it's weird Tonitrus doesn't yet as he's a legend. He even have a chapter in Hogwarts: A History dedicated to his work.

I didn't know whether or not Mother would accompany Father and me to Diagon Alley or if she would spend another day doing Merlin knew what or being in the Malfoy Library. Surprisingly Mother accompanied us.

We used the Floo-network to take us to the Leaky Cauldron in London, where everyone we crossed path with either greeted Father or _looked_. I was already used to their looks.

Father held a one minute speech after having dragged me to an abondoned corner in an obscure part of the Alley – much to Mother's dismay.

_Do not speak unless spoken to. Do not embaress me or our bloodline. Behave like a proper and proud Malfoy._

I said the two common words (Yes, Father) and then was left alone to enter Madam Malkin's while Father went to Flourish & Blotts and Mother to Ollivander.

Being a Malfoy had its perks, Mother needed only to say the name of her son to retrieve the correct wand for me since the eldest Wizarding families existed in some sort of system only those who studied wands understood. Maybe I was paired with a wand at birth?

Father had said that it's a shame that muggles interfer with our old and noble wizarding families because they'd need to try several different wands in order to find the perfect one, and the muggle-blood results in more squibs. If there's one thing the Malfoy's hated more than muggles and mudbloods it's the squibs.

I couldn't help but feel a little proud that Father trusted me to be alone in the robeshop for an hour without problem and went into the shop with my chin up in the air. I was a stupid eleven year-old, so don't hold it against me!

Madam Malkin was welcoming with a small, professional smile and a kind greeting to the eleven-year-old Malfoy-boy. I had been in this shop a lot of times for several different occasions, mostly Father just let me stand to get measured and stood for the conversations himself. Now, however, I didn't have Father to rely on to break the silence, I had to do that myself.

For long moments I wondered what adults spoke about while she cast a spell to set her tools to start working on my measurments and fabric when the door swung open to the shop.

I raised my head to watch another boy around my age step inside the shop.

The boy, much to my amazement looked rather innocent in his clothes which was several sizes too big and he was basically buried in fabric. The boy had big green eyes shielded by dorky, round glasses and untidy jetblack hair. If only I knew then, I could have saved myself so much trouble, though I tried as I could to make a friend. Potter was so different from all of my other peers, at least the ones I've met. Pure-bloods.

I was very aware that if Father went by the shop and saw me speaking to this saggy-dressed boy I would be in a lot of trouble. I could basically hear Father yelling at me how this wasn't befitting the Malfoy heir. I just didn't care. This boy was just too interesting to me to resist.

"Hullo", I said while searching the other boy with a curious gleam in my eyes. "Hogwarts too?"

"Yes", said the boy with a rather quiet voice, lacking confidence and eyed me nervously.

I understood that if we would have a conversation then _I_ had to make due without Father. I would make him proud.

"My father's next door buying my books and Mother's up the street looking for wands", I said trying to keep my voice even, just like Father taught me to speak when meeting someone I didn't know. "Then I'm going to drag them off to look at racing brooms. I don't see why first-years can't have their own. I think I'll bully Father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow".

I eyed the boy curiously waiting for him to say something but he looked back at me with a rather uncertain look. I wanted to curse myself, surely I can't find out anything about this boy while just telling him about _myself_ , though I had hoped that the boy would've offered _some_ information about himself in return. But of course I had to do everything myself!

"Have _you_ got your own broom?" I asked, hoping the boy would _finally_ reveal something about himself.

"No", said the boy uncertainly. I wanted to sigh or slap my forehead. " _Such actions are not befitting the Malfoy heir_ ", I could hear Father say in my head, but I didn't care.

"Play Quidditch at all?"

"No", the boy said again, and I started finding this boy even more interesting. So he didn't play Quidditch which was quite odd for a wizarding boy, perhaps he'd rather sit in and read?

I realised that the boy wasn't going to say anything more so I started talking again, wanting to impress the other boy. " _I_ do – Father says it's a crime if I'm not picked to play for my house, and I must say, I agree. Know what house you'll be in yet?"

"No", said the boy and I saw how the boy next to me sank inside a bit, obviously feeling insecure and I wondered why he didn't dare say anything more than "no". I didn't want to do anything but reassure the boy.

"Well, no one really knows until they get there, do they, but I know I'll be in Slytherin, all our family have been – imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" I said trying to ease the tension a little but continued as the other boy didn't respond.

I started growing uncertain, the other boy didn't try to make an effort in this conversation, he was clearly very shy, and I started looking for a change of subject when something outside caught my eyes. And naturally I made a mistake.

"I say, look at that man!" I said and nodded towards the front window where a hairy half-giant stood, grinning, holding two large ice-creams. A man that size can't possibly be contempt with just _two_ , sixteen's more like it.

"That's Hagrid", the boy said and I – now happy to hear the other boy engage in the conversation – remebered hearing Father speak about him once or twice just the other week when we discussed Hogwarts.

"Oh, I've heard of him", I said truthfully remembering Father's exact words. "He's sort of a servant, isn't he?" I asked, uncertainly thinking the other boy knew more than me about the half-giant since he _had_ known his name, which I hadn't.

"He's the gamekeeper", the boy answered and I sighed in relief. What would the boy think of me if I didn't know something as basic as that? I didn't want to seem stupid in front of this boy.

"Yes, exactly", I knew then that Father had been correct when he told me about Hagrid. "I heard he's a sort of savage – lives in a hut in the school grounds and every now and then he gets drunk, tries to do magic and ends up setting fire to his bed".

"I think he's brilliant", the boy said, taking me by surprise which I didn't like. I had expected him to laugh at my words, as Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle would have.

"Do you?" I asked and then realized that the half-giant carried _two_ ice-creams, surely one was for the boy next to me. "Why is he with you? Where are your parents?"

"They're dead", the boy responded, taking me by surprise once again, and how I hated being taken by surprise. Surely the boy could _stop_ surprising me. Now please?

How would that _be_? What would it be like getting raised without parents? I didn't know as I had often been in the presence of my parents but what would it be like if I was raised without Father? I was glad I wasn't going to find out, since I had the wealthiest and most respected wizard for my Father, surely I couldn't have asked for more. Mother always reminded me how lucky I was and I truly was. Though I never had something to compare to.

"Oh, sorry", I said as if on reflex, letting my posture fall slightly as if defeated but I kept my voice the same, Father taught me to _never_ let my voice fall, espescially when in the present of someone I didn't know. Someone I _wanted_ to know. "Empathy are for the week", he had said. "We're not driven by emotions but by power and only the strong deserve it."

"But they were _our_ kind, weren't they?" I asked knowing that if I had a conversation with someone and didn't ask _that_ then Father would be furious with me, especially if I wished to meet said person again.

"They were a witch and wizard, if that's what you mean", the boy answered.

"I really don't think they should let the other sort in, do you? They're not the same, they've never been brought up to know our ways. Some of them have never heard of Hogwarts until they get the letter, imagine. I think they should keep it in the old wizarding families", I began and then cursed myself for the obvious question I should've asked earlier. "What's your surname, anyway?" I asked. In the Wizarding World the surname was the most important thing, it was your identity. It was power.

"That's you done, my dear", Madam Malkin said before the boy could answer and he hopped down from the footstool.

"Well, I'll see you at Hogwarts, I suppose", I said before the other boy left the shop without a backwards-glance or anything. Not even a word of acknowledgement.

"That didn't go well, did it?" I asked Madam Malkin as she once again focused on me and I closed my eyes hard.

"I'm afraid not" she responded and I cursed under my breath. Well, I could always have another chance when at Hogwarts.

When my parents and I returned to the Manor I found myself in my room telling Dobby all I could about the curious boy and the elf sat patiently, listening to my words, occasionally lifting his ears in excitement now and then.

I was in the middle of explaining about the conversation I had had with the bespectacled boy about Hagrid when my door flew open.

"Are you incompetent of coming down to the Dining Hall yourself or do I have to send you _another elf_ you spoiled brat?!" Father yelled from his position by the door, his eyes were big and pupils small. Then he noticed Dobby sitting beside me on my bed and suddenly I understood why Dobby first had come to my room but instead I engaged him in conversation. "You're a disgrace to this family, you _filthy elf_!" Father was over by my bed in two strides.

I wanted to rise to my feet and tell Father "It's _my_ fault, Father! I forgot the time, Dobby was just keeping me company, it's my fault!" but that didn't work out well for either me nor Dobby the last time I said it. Instead I looked away when Father grabbed Dobby by the neck.

I hated it. I shut my eyes as tightly as I could, knowing I couldn't stand up to Father so I did the only thing I knew how to. The one thing I learned to do in order to survive.

"Stupid house-elf!" I shouted, standing up and piercing Dobby with a hateful stare. "You let me miss the dinner, is that the way to treat the Malfoy _heir_?" I joined Father and threw insults at Dobby, sneering, pretending I didn't see the betrayed expression on his face. Pretending I enjoyed it, and eventually I learned to.

No one is born with hate, not even a Malfoy.

After Father had thrown Dobby before him outside to the corridor, he kicked him in the back so the elf flew several feet up in the air and landed on his stomach on the cold, hard floor.

" _Dinner_. _Now_ ", Father hissed and made to go but stopped midstep to turn back to me. "Finally treating your inferior as you should", he said and as close to a smile I've ever seen on his face was offered to me.

And then he left.

"How could you do that?" I whispered to Dobby as I kneeled beside him. "We both know better than to make Father angry so why didn't you just give me the message and then leave me for _Merlin's_ _sake_ alone!? You _stupid, stupid elf_ ", I sighed as Dobby rose to his feet with bloodshot eyes.

"Young Master Draco, sir, had asked for Dobby's company, sir", Dobby responded and I stumbled backwards against the wall.

"You're not cut out for having masters, are you? You're just a stupid elf", I said in a soft voice that made Dobby smile and jumped towards me to hug me. Sometimes I wanted to hand him a piece of clothing I'd outgrown, just to make him happy and free, but what would await me would be inimaginable. I'd be disowned and all of me securities would leave me. My name, my Father. It's like I said earlier, I have none woithout Father.

"Master Draco is forgive Dobby! Dobby will not let Draco down, sir!, Dobby squeked.

"Yes, yes. Good, Dobby", I said in an annoyed voice and patted him on the top of his big head, though Dobby knew better than that. "If you don't let me go this minute, Father will come back."

Dobby hurried to let go which made me want to laugh, but instead I left for the Dining Hall.

Down in the Dining Hall it was more intense than it had been on the morning, Father sat eyeing the food with a death-glare.

Mother started engaging me in conversations about the trip to Diagon Alley and asked me if I thought I had everything I needed. "Apart from a broomstick", I said and voiced my opinion of how unfair it was not letting First years have their own.

After a some minutes of conversation with Mother I decided to tell her about the boy I had met at Madam Malkin's. I spoke about him with an enthusiasm that was rare around the table. I knew my parents would disapprove of the boy's choice in clothes and the way he wore his hair so I made it sound like the boy dressed _almost_ as well me, but with hair combed to the side instead of back.

"Enough now, my dragon", Mother said and looked at me amused before she started picking her salad.

"Yes, very _touching_." Father sneered at me and I rearranged my posture. "Where are your manners, son?" I eyed Father with a confused expression making Father sigh exasperatedly. "Did you _introduce yourself_ to this boy?" Father asked in a calm voice though his eyes were not any such thing.

"No", I said through gritted teeth. There was always something I'd do to upset Father. He'd always find something not good enough. I was a constant disappointment.

"You can't just offer your alliance to someone without them _knowing_ who you are. You know that some Wizarding Families are better than others, Draco, so act like a proud Malfoy", Father said. "And not like some _child_!"

"I did. I said all the things you advised–", I started saying but Father cut me off by holding up a slender hand.

"Enough!" The rest of the dinner was eaten in silence and when I was done I made an excuse to leave the table.

A month later I stepped onto the Hogwarts Express with Crabbe and Goyle just a step behind me, feeling both nervous and excited about meeting the boy again.

The three of us went in search for an empty compartment when Pansy found us.

"Have you heard?", she said with a smirk. "Harry Potter's in this train."

I raised an eyebrow at her in challenge.

"If you don't believe me take a look for yourself, it's down there, to the left", she said, smirk still in place but my curiosity to see the deafeter of the Dark Lord in person didn't win over my excitement to search for the other boy.

"I'll see him in school, I've got better things to do than search for _him._ " Like searching for another boy.

Pansy crossed her arms. "It's ironic how your parents named you after a _dragon_ when you're afraid to get burned."

I sneered at her, Crabbe and Goyle was positioned on either side of me as I put on my Malfoy Mask of indifference, though I still hadn't learned to perfect it and Father wasn't too pleased about that. "I'm not afraid of getting burned, _Parkinson_."

"Then do go on", she said smirking at me. "The Boy Who Lived is waiting or are you afraid he'll ruin you too?"

Of course I, as well as all pureblood children, had learned of Harry Potters greatness, the infant who conquered the most powerful wizard at the time.

"No, I'm not!" I said and sneered at Pansy. "Come on Crabbe, Goyle." We went down the train to where Pansy had told us he'd be. I took a deep breath. "You're a Malfoy", I told myself. "You won't get _burned_." I opened the compartment door and then all three of us stepped in.

"Is it true?" I said. "They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment. So it's you, is it?", I asked, looking at the boy I had wanted to meet again since a month ago.

"Yes", said the boy, _Harry Potter_. He was looking at us. Eyeing Crabbe and Goyle uncertainly.

"Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle", said I. "And my name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy" and then I noticed the red haired boy sitting next to Potter.

The red haired boy coughed and I understood quite clearly that he tried to hide a snigger and I looked at him.

"Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles and more children than they can afford", I said and then turned back to Potter.

"You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there", I said and held out my hand for Potter to shake. Potter didn't take it.

"I think I can tell who the wrong sort is for myself, thanks", he responded coolly.

Embarresment flooded through my body. _How dare he? How dare he embaress a Malfoy?_

Colour painted my cheeks. I'll make him _pay_ for this!

"I'd be careful if I were you, Potter", I said slowly. "Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents. They didn't know what was good for them, either. You hang around riff-raff like the Weasleys and that Hagrid and it'll rub off on you".

That seemed to have gotten a reaction as both boys stood up.

"Say that again", Weasley said.

"Oh, you're going to fight us, are you?" I sneered.

"Unless you get out now", said Potter, but I wouldn't let _him_ order me around.

"But we don't feel like leaving, do we, boys? We've eaten all our food and you still seem to have some", I said and Goyle instantly moved to grab the chocolate Frogs that lied next to Weasley who leapt forward but before he could touch Goyle, Goyle let out a horrible yell.

A rat hung from his finger with teeth buried deep into his knuckle.

Crabbe and I backed off as Goyle started swinging the rat in circles trying to make it go away and when it finally did we were already out the door.

"Tha' was close", Crabbe said as we left the compartment. I scowled at him.

"Who does he think he is! Think he can reject _me_ just like _that_?! Without consequence? Oh, I'm going to show him consequences", I muttered with a smirk playing on my lips.

Wait and see, Potter. You're going to _wish_ you'd never rejected me. I'll show you what you're missing out on. No one rejects a Malfoy, and now you'll _pay_.

* * *

I woke with a start, head hurting slightly. Sometimes I wondered how my life would have turned out had I never met Potter that day in Diagon Alley. So much had changed now.

Then I remembered the date.

Well not a _date date_ , mind you. Just two friends meeting up after hours, apart form the fact that we're not friends. Not exactly. I don't know what we were, but it's not important.

If Father knew he'd probably ask me to poison Potter and perhaps I would've done that a year ago, but now now.

I waited eagerly for the time to go faster until it was in fact twenty minutes until midnight. I got up and got dressed as silently as I could muster to avoid waking up my dormmates. Succeeding I left, thanking Merlin for my luck.

"What are you doing?" Pansy asked as I stepped out into the Slytherin common room. She was sitting in her pyjamas on the sofa.

She very well knew what and I told her so. She narrowed her eyes at me before inspecting her nails.

"You're not going", she told me. I glared at her.

"I'm not? Since when do _you_ decide?" She shrugged. "Mother?" I teased, she hated when I called her that, served her right when she meddles in things she has no business in.

Pansy just rolled her eyes before sighing. "I'm looking out for you since you're so rubbish at doing it yourself", she said and I crossed my arms and glared at her. "I mean after you broke his nose at Potions today I can't believe why he'd possibly want to go out with you."

"Fuck off, Pansy", I said. I had only hit Potter because he had asked me to, in case he'd start acting weird during that Imagination draught. What the hell was Slughorn's deal this year? First a Pause Potion and then a hallucination one…?

"Okay", she said and raised her hands over her head as if yielding. "But let me ask you something. What good would it do to have Saint Potter _waiting_ for you when you know it's never going to happen? I mean, come on! The _Golden Gryffindor_ , the _hero_! He's bound to have some stupid little Potter's with that Weaselette. 'Nothing but the best for _our hero_ '" Pansy spat the words. "Look at yourself, Draco. A Slytherin, you're a _Death Eater_! No one would let you even _touch_ Potter without thinking you'd try ending him. People _are_ that shallowminded." I started scrathcing my left arm unconsciously where the Dark Mark had been, though it was almost invisible now. Every day since the Dark Lord had died the mark turned lighter and lighter. Maybe someday it'll be gone.

"Since when do you care?" Pansy sighed raggedly and rose from the sofa.

"I don't", she said and I snorted. "But _you_ should. If something happens between Potter and you Merlin knows it won't work. Let. Him. _Go_."

"You know I can't do that." Pansy sighed again and dragged a hand through her black hair.

"Why are you still walking into the fire when you know it's going to _burn_? You could've chosen anyone, why did you have to choose the _Chosen One_?!"

"You know I never had a choice", I said matter-of-factly. Pansy looked at me as if I was a child.

" _Yes, you have_. You have one _now_! You can choose whether or not to _act_ on it! Choose someone _available_ instead."

"Like you?"

Pansy snorted. "Of course not, you know we'd never work out! But Astoria, maybe? She's fancied you for _ages_ , couldn't hurt."

"Dapne's little sister? You know I'm not like that."

"' _Like that_ '? Oh, you mean _straight_?" She laughed teasingly. "We're Slytherins, Draco. We hardly ever get what we want."

"Unless we take it."

Pansy nodded in agreement. "Yes, unless we take it, though that would give us nothing but a cell in Azkaban."

I smirked. "Now that's the dream." Pansy snorted.

"Nightmare, more like it", she said and turned her focus back to her nails while I stood still watching her. "You know I'm right", she said finally.

I did.

But that didn't stop me, so when Pansy finally left for her dorm so did I, but I left for the Astronomy Tower instead. I almost ran. I was late, so very late.

"Potter, I'm–" I started saying to the emptiness of the Astronomy Tower.

He wasn't here.

I was too late.

I dragged a hand through my hair, messing it up and went back down the stairs in defeat. Maybe Pansy was right? What had I expected? For all I knew Potter was never here and why would he? I looked down at the tattoo on my arm, scratching it selfconsciously.

"Malfoy?" I almost tripped down the stairs when his voice came from behind me.

"Potter?" I turned around, he was tucking something inside his bookbag. "I didn't see you there."

"I noticed", he said.

"Fancy a game of quidditch?" I asked. Potter eyed me suspiciously.

"Sure…", he said. "But we don't have our broomsticks."

I rolled my eyes. "Let's take the school's, I mean we still have to open the Quidditch cupboard for the balls, so we might as well loan some brooms."

"Sure this isn't a scheme to get me a detention like First Year?"

I snorted and opened my arms wide. "Then why'd I be here?"

"You've got a point", he said and started down the stairs. "But I won't steal a broomstick, I'll go fetch my own."

"Fine", I said. "I'll see you on the pitch". I went towards the Quidditch pitch and into the changing rooms. I opened the unlocked cupboard to snatch me a broom and the Snitch before going to the Slytherin cabinet to pick out my Quidditch robes becuase I was _not_ going to play in my clothes, that'd gross. I put on the pine colored robe with dark grey trousers.

While I was waiting on the pitch I decided to practise a bit with the Snitch. I flied and I flied on the school broom, missing my own one. It wasn't nearly as fast or as easy to control but it would have to do. For a while I contemplated leaving for the dungeons to get my own broom so that Potter would find the pitch empty, as if I grew tired of waiting for him.

Why was I even waiting for him?

When I saw him coming towards me I noticed much to my own pleasure that he, too, had changed to his Gryffindor gear, maroon robes and dark trousers with protection for his shoulders, chest, knees and elbows. What was he afraid I'd do? He even wore a helmet. I rarely use protection.

Potter mounted his broom and soared up to me.

"Well, well", I said. "Nice to see Saint Potter wanted to grace me with with his presence."

Potter just rolled his eyes. "Where's the Snitch?"

I shrugged and after a couple of seconds I smirked. "I guess you'll find out." And then I flew away as fast as I could towards the other side of the pitch. Potter came right behind me as if he actually thought I had seen it. My smirk grew.

We flew in circles high above the pitch when Potter noticed the actual snitch, I had hardly time to react before he was shouting to the sky that he had caught it, his eyes full of glee. It made me hate him even more. Or rather, it made me _hate_ him more.

"Doesn't count", I teased. "Only warming up." Potter let go off the snitch and it flew quickly away from his hand. This time we soared towards it, side to side but in the end Potter's broom won over mine.

When we landed, Snitch in Potter's hand, he looked at the moonlit castle for what felt like ages. "Malfoy", he said suddenly, still looking at the castle.

"Yeah?"

"Exactly what did Seamus tell Zabini?"

"You'll never know", I replied, grinning. Potter looked at me and smiled.

"Getting late", I announced after a couple of seconds, turning to look at the Hogwarts castle.

Potter nodded and together we left for the changing room. I saw my clothes lying on one bench and Potter's on another. Without comment I went to my bench, took off my shoes and then started unbuttoning my robes and shrugging out of it. Then I took off my shirt. Potter was staring at me, I smirked to myself pretending I hadn't noticed.

"I did that", he whispered, his posture falling. I straightened and turned to him.

"What?" I asked.

Potter nodded towards my stomach and chest, his eyes not leaving my naked skin. When I looked down I swallowed my earlier smirk because I had been wrong.

He wasn't admiring my body, he was staring at my _scars_.

"I'm sorry I did that", Potter began. "I had no idea–"

"It's fine", I cut him off and turned my back to him, bending down to take off my socks.

"Why did you cry earlier? That night in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, I never asked you that."

I don't know, because I realised I'd done a mistake?

"You never asked me, _Potter_ , because we're not friends."

"Yeah, right!" He didn't believe me.

"Friends don't _sneak out_ in the night to play a game of Quidditch", I said. _Friends don't kiss_.

"You're avoiding the question."

"Ask me what you really want to know then, instead", I sighed and closed my eyes, waiting for the words to come, though not the words I had expected.

"Why did you become a Death Eater?" I almost sighed in relief for that one.

 _Almost_.

I dragged a hand through my hair, it must've been standing up in all different angles now but I didn't care. "All I ever wanted", I began but swallowed down the rest.

"To become a Death Eater?"

I sighed and turned around to look at him, he was looking at me with an emotion I rarely saw. It was as if he _cared_. Pansy was right, I was doomed, because as fast as my eyes met him I felt my lips move and the words fell out of my mouth as if it were a slide. There was nothing I could do but let the magic punch them out of me. Damn McGonagall for that infuriating excuse of a "better the relationship between houses", yeah bloody _force_ two people to share their secrets and compliments, can't go badly can it? Who even comes up with such a nonsense?

I bet it's Hagrid.

"All I ever wanted was someone to care", the magic answered through my lips and I forced my eyes away from his. No eyecontact, no bloody force. As if it wasn't hard enough to look away as it was. I shrugged. "Guess I was too proud to let anyone in." I tried to put my Malfoy mask to its use, though I wasn't entirely sure it worked.

Damn Potter and damn Tend Friend.

"Apart from a ghost you mean."

I smiled stiffly. "Yeah, apart from a ghost." I unbuttoned my trousers and pulled down the zipper. After I had pulled them off completely I noticed Potter standing stiff. I raised a brow at him.

He coughed. "I have to go", he said quickly and started packing all his things inside his book bag, probably enchanted with an enlargment charm with the help of a mudblood. I sneered at the retreating back as he left the changing room. He was still wearing the protection and helmet, bloody fool.

"So, what have you accomplished?" I heard Pansy's voice in my head and I sighed, dragging a hand through my hair again.

"Nothing", I hissed to the emptiness of the room. "Not a bloody _thing_."

But one thing was for sure; I was a dragon and I would run into the fire again.


End file.
